everyone has those days

[frig, ninety-three? I messed up royally...and don't have the patience to go through and check]

This is my third time rewriting a post for today, and I can't seem to get back into the grooze. It's starting to feel like a chore, and I'm tired of trying to circle things around or make things sound fancy or smart or caring, I am all of those things, fancy especially, and I don't want to have to try to sound like it. I've been thinking a lot about my favourite eighties movies, Pretty in Pink mostly, and I've come to terms with some things lately in my life to the point where I think I've found that Duckie Dale, I've found something inside of me that wants to just chill out, finally.

So I was wondering if I should buy some lipstick, because together ladies of the past always seem to have their shit together and rock sweet lipstick, and this is why I think of Pretty in Pink, because Molly Ringwald has totally rocking pink lipstick, and she has this totally sweet mentor at work, and it all just fits so perfectly that I thought maybe if I went out and figured my lipstick shade, brand, and price, then I'd have my shit together too, it's a symbol for the rest of the world to know.

I haven't gone out yet, but maybe in the near future I'll head out, grab the new vogue and take a breather. Lately I feel like a walking pathetic fallacy, waiting for the sun to come out and bring me out of the glum, frozen, rigid routine. I want to break free from these lies they're so self-satisfied can't you see? I want to break free. I think that everyone needs a little push every so often, but my sun came out today on its own, and I smiled all day.

I realised that I got this, my shit is together, and who am I to be a Charlotte when I'm really Carrie? I don't need a man to look fanyastic, to rock good shoes, to re-do my hair, and to do some mighty swell writing. I do need my close friends, in this respect I feel like Samantha, in LA when her friends are in good old NYC. So close, baby, I can taste it.

I love everyone here, but I feel more like Miranda around here these days, bitter and complaining and a bitch, and that's not me. I'm more of a Carrie, gots my friends for all occaisions and I'm different and they're okay with that. I need people not to judge me for my actions, and maybe then I'll learn not to judge myself. I want my Duckie Dale to come and take me to the prom, not Blayne, although Blayne is sexy, because of his hair, of course.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about Pretty in Pink is an eighties John Hughes teenage pfilm about a girl who lives on the poor side of the tracks and dates a guy who is rich, and has a best friend named Duckie Dale who loves her, and at the end of the movie the original cut was that she ends up with Duckie, but audiences in the eighties hated that ending, and made her go with the beautiful, rich Blayne. I personally love Duckie, and I think that my Duckie has come and although we may not be on the same page a lot, we are too close to give up anything.

If you're lost with all the chick names it's sex and the city, Carrie is fantastic and sort of irrational and doesn't really think with logic, Charlotte is old fashioned and traditional art gallery curating, dog loving, adopting spoiled girl, Samantha is this sex maniac, 'nuff said, and Miranda is this lawyer-ing, bitter, negative lady. They all love sex, and that's just the way I compare things sometimes, learn to deal.

But anyways, I just wanted to say that I'm feeling all together for the first time in a long time, and I feel like a lot of stress is lifting, slowly, as there is nineteen days until I am finished my first year of university and return home. I am going to miss everything here, so much, because I love it and everyone here.

I miss it already and I haven't even left!

Love, always,

Jess :]