put on your fancy pants

C:

[thirty-one]

I've spent my day listening to a novel for english that the reader had birds in the background. So amongst the droning on and on about Anne Elliot and Fredirck Wentworth and so much more about the navy and Bath, there were faints whisperings of chirping birds. I kind of liked it.

I have never had a bird, or ever really had any fond memories of birds, but I like their chirpings. I feel like lately my life has just been full of little random, faint chirpings back and forth between unnamed parties here where I live. I feel like I'm in the middle and my ears pick up on little chirps and little pecks, and I have no control.

I don't mean that its a loss of power or discomfort or anything, its mainly just a confusing whirlwind that I feel like I'm falling headfirst, free-falling if you will. I am a bird, and my wings are frozen mid-flight. I feel like everyone else is speeding past and I have to sit tight because my feathers are covered in ice or snow, which is what it feels like its dreadfully freezing here.

Which reminds me, there's a huge storm tomorrow....

Which is good news because tomorrow is the first of February! Which means I've finished a blog a day every day this month! Which also means I will be changing up how I write next week, I've figured that every week of February will have some different writing styles as follow:
Feb first-seventh: Prose
Feb eighth-fourteenth: Love Letter
Feb fourteenth-twenty first: News
Feb twenty first-twenty eighth: TBA when I figure something out

So that's how its going to go, I've had a lot of time to be with my thoughts lately and I thought it'd be fun to kinda switch up how I post those to you. I need to figure out some different writing styles anyway, maybe the last week will be entirely firction haha! Or Poetry, although that fits into prose.

So I hope everyone is having a good monday, I can't say that mine has been wonderful its been stressful and tiring and I honestly just want ot sleep. With a splitting headache and too much on my mind, I couldn't be anticipating the weekend more.

Have a good one,

Jess :]

chirp chirp

you take me the way I am

[thirty]

I hate stress. I hate realising that all I ever do is work and stress about doing readings. I hate that I have hardly any time for myself anymore... I wrote an earlier post about making time for yourself and breaks and such. I guess lately I've been taking breaks to spend time with people and not do any work... I have most of it under control, but its still daunting to have on my shoulders.

So I write in a calendor notebook that lets me organise the work and time spent with others, and I feel like there's never time for me. I never write "just relax by yourself" and I wish I didn't have to, I wish the hour between schoolwork and dinner could be that, but there's always something that I either forgot or that has just come up.

Which is life, things are unpredictable and priorities take the wheel and shuffle relaxation and peace of mind to the back seat. I don't feel like its fair, but I guess thats just what I have to deal with. I think that if everyone took a little bit more time by themselves and spending time doing a hobby or something nice by themselves they would be even a margin happier.

Now I sound anti-social.

I'm now, I just enjoy doing my own thing sometimes. Once a day I'd like to watch a half hour show or read a magazine just for fun. Sometimes the schoolwork isn't so bad, I can take an hour and write for playwriting class and that is actually enjoyable. But most of the things seem tedious and cause headaches.

This is a rant about time management, not about my lack of motivation to do work. I don't mind doing work, but I've been having a stressful week and things have just been consequently bringing me down. I need that alone time, and that alone time just isn't coming.

So I hope that if you're feeling the clamps of stress on your being that you find some wiggle room, and spend a half hour doing what you want. I dare you. I'm going to try!

Have a wonderful evening, I'm spending it doing some research and reading.

Love,

Jess :]

oh you fancy,

huh?

[twenty-eight]

I feel like making cookies. Like big fat chocolate chips on warm oozing cookies. I want to watch them bake and then smell them as they cool off. And then only have one bite. Indulgance. No cookies for me, not tonight anyway. Unless they sell them at the restaurant.

So, on an entirely different note, I feel like I have nothing to say. I haven't really been thinking about much today... Some early modernistic traditional British theory and a little bit of questions why my internet hasn't been working. I don't understand why some days I can have totally normal thoughts, and then today I've just got nothin'.

I wish everyone could win the first time.

I wish that I could make sense a lot more often than I do.

I wish I looked better in a skirt than I do.... Goodbye Self Confidence.

So I don't know what to say. Tonight will be an eventful, hopefully very loud, hopefully very intoxicated, evening. I hope to not get hurt, not lose the keys or give them away, and I really hope that my wonderful birthday wish is fufilled by a certain quirky ginger.

So if you're having a loud night out, or a quiet night in, I hope that this Friday night finds you wonderfully! I also believe in my good friend Jude, I'm always here for you my lady, you can do it!

CHEERS!

Jess :]

eet.

[twenty-seven]

It's like forgetting your favourite book out in the rain,
it's like jumping into a pile of leaves to find they cover mud,
it's like having a huge project due and the storm knocks the power out,
it's like the middle of winter and you're missing spring,
it's like forgetting what lightning looks like,
it's like getting your hair done and the humidity ruins it,
it's like january, but I wish it was April.

For more than a couple of reasons, it would be a lot less cold and a lot more rainy; it would be a lot closer to the end of the year and a lot less closer to finishing projects and readings; it would be a lot more exciting because everyone could be included and a lot less excluding as of now; it would be better, period.

So I'm sitting here, thinking of thunderstorms as I am about to embark upon a twenty-eight paged essay on a novel that I haven't finished, and I've recently been thinking about writing recreationally again. I mean poetry; I mean short stories; I mean possibly picking up my novel again... I sound like any other English major: "I went into English because I like to write...you know, stories and stuff..."

I remember the first time I wrote a story for someone else to read. It was sixth grade, and it was about a girl who got accepted to go to a boarding school for dancers and she goes and meets friends and boys and it has a weak happy ending. I wrote it on the computer, printed it out in purple ink, and gave it to my teacher to read. It was twelve pages long. I still have it somewhere, and I'm prettyy sure that teacher told me it was wonderful, she probably was trying to not hurt my feelings. I am still friends with that teacher on facebook, she is really close to me.

But for the past five years or so I've been working on a concept of a novel, and another reason why I'm looking forward to April is that with the end of the year brings free time for me to start reading recreationally again aswell, and also possibly actually sit down, and I am thinking about in addition to writing this everyday, writing something like a chapter of this novel everyday. This pledge is in the works, stay tuned for an actual promise.

I feel proud of myself that I've stuck with this for this long! Its almost been a month, and I do love to write down my thoughts everyday. Some days I have nothing to say, and it shows. But other days (today included) and most of them I do have an idea, and I do look forward to writing it. Hell, I put off this beautiful critical essay to rant on and on about my writing.

So if you have a hobby, let it be sketching or writing or shopping if that's what you like, I challenge you to turn it into a project. Give it a purpose, a meaning. I'm debating giving every week a theme for my blogs, maybe the first week of february will be about childhood memories or my favourite literature, but that is all in the works right now. Chances are I'll post some sort of make-shift schedule of that on the first of February.

Is that ground hog day? Or is that the second? I've never been good with day.

Have a lovely evening!

Jess :]

its a messenger bag,

and what's the message? this is a purse?

[twenty-six]

I've spent the last couple of days at home attempting to finish work and relax. The latter of the two is an easier escapade than the former, and it has good reason to. It is hard to finish anything pressing when there is an abundance of television, food, and bed space to occupy widely available at any time day or night. It is worse when there is no classes, no pressing deadlines, people to see, and the distracting internet.

So I've been working on finishing Austen's Persuasion, a resume, some assignments and other readings that need to be finished, but everything seems to drop to the waist-side when life gets in the way. School fades to black when there are so many other interesting things to look at, thus creating distractions diversions aversions anything you can think of.

What is the meaning of all of this?

It means school should stay at school. When I come home, I need to focus on my home life and as little school work as possible to be as efficient as possible. Hopefully this tactic works for reading week, I have this sneaking suspicion it won't do so well.

I also need to remind myself to ask about the personal thing and the online banking.

So if you are battling the school crusade or spending an evening in the castle amongst fire, friends, and food, I hope that today anything you wanted to accomplish has been successful, and I hope that tomorrow brings a wonderful day regardless of work, stress, location, or relaxation time.

And always remember to take time to be silly.

Love,

Jess :]

in all these cases there are established useages

[twenty-five]

Some people prosper in the whirlwind of pressure, time crunches, and busy-ness, but I seem to just press on in a slow vigorous waltz down the highway of finished-ville, which makes for a very long day. I've been around the block twice today but it feels like I've made no progress, and the work piles up for miles and miles and I feel like I can't climb it...

If I had free time anymore just to myself I would probably do some of the work that I've been putting off, and that is an odd concept. I have been needing to read a couple of plays, but whenever I p lan to actually read them something more pressing comes up. If I had an hour or two to myself I bet I'd get a whole play done, and that would be on scheduled free time.

It is a terrible business, scheduling your free time. It defeats the purpose really, when you have to tell yourself when to take breaks or have time to yourself. When life isn't a constant set of activities and things change, you could be in the zone writing a paper but five o'clock hits and you know that you booked that time off for a break, and then bam good ideas gone. Its deteriorating for your work, well, mainly my work.

So if you're on a roll keep on rollin' and give yourself a reward when you're done. If you're stuck in a not-wanting-to-actually-do-anything mood, take a break, and then make a goal and reqard yourself with relaxing after that goal. It is the concept of planned relaxation, which seems to be the story of my life.

I've written an entire paper today, edited another, finished a resume, and read the first couple chapters of a book.. It doesn't look as productive as it really was, and there's still so much more to do... If I can't keep up with this work I just don't know anymore. You should see how busy I'm going to be this friday afternoon and saturday, it actually looks like NO free time, NO breaks, and NO relaxation for me!

Take care, hope you get everything you're supposed to be doing done, and that you can take a break!

Jess :]

its my party

[twenty-four]

The compound of getting older is simple: once a year you celebrate the day that you were born, and everyone sends you wishes of happiness etc. etc., and then you live your life a year older the moment that day is finished. I suppose that it is a nice day, gifts and well wishings and such, but to be honest it is just any other day. It is almost a bigger deal to your mother than it is to you, or should be anyway.

But I guess I do enjoy it, since its my birthday today. I was bombarded with wishes the first minute it started, and to be honest it hasn't stopped... I like my birthday because it is an excuse to get together with people, and for everyone to be happy. In my family we have this tradition that whoever's birthday it is gets to choose the music, the restaurant, the activities, etc. It is your special day, today it is mine.

I had a couple of shots this morning with my girlfriends, and then had a relaxing night watching sex and the city until I fell asleep. Breakfast this morning and then a beer at lunch, and the rest of the day spent relaxing makes for an awesome birthday. Now I am with the boy-friend and we are going to have some wine and watch movies, and it has been a wonderful day. I don't need to be busy, I just need to be with people I love and happy.

The first memory I can remember is of my third birthday and everyone is singing hapu birthday to me, and I am crying. I am embarassed, and I don't know what to do or say. I feel like that on my birthday sometimes, because I feel like it is a lot of unecessary attention... If its subtle then it is appreciated, however.

So if you've had your birthday already this year, or if you're waiting desperately for your special day: Just remember that you are special everyday, you don't need one day to celebrate. I had a wonderful birthday, and I hope you have a wonderful night.

Jess :]

moon river, wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style
some day


[twenty three]

I haven't thought much today other than how easilly one can fall asleep infront of a bad cartoon movie, or how dark the lighting is in restaurants. My theories on these are as follows:

Bad cartoon movies are made for children, and therefore the jokes, styles, and graphics are altered to be pleasing for children, and unfortunately children only. There are only so many movies I can watch about talking rats who go on adventures before it is inevitable that I am in deep slumber. I would like to point out however that there are some cartoon movies that weigh up to adult expectations, and to those I salute you.

(suggestions: finding nemo, up, aladdin, cars, the incredibles, walle, the lion king, etc.)

Next, I was in a restaurant that was really dark and we honestly couldn't see eachother's faces... Yeah. Screw the fact that anyone eating there probably has problems with their eyes so they can't read the menu regardless of the lighting situation, dim them down and the people can't see any better.

So if you have bad eyes or sleeping problems, I hope that you invest in either a light-up magnifying glass, or the movie Flushed Away, I prescribe those to you in good taste that they will both find you seeing a menu better, and falling asleep instantly.

Take care until tomorrow,

Jess :]

broken hearts hurt but they make us strong

[twenty-two]

I hate getting older.

Tonight and last night I spent celebrating my nineteenth birthday, and not only does it make for a good time, it also makes for a depressing one. I'm old. I can't see, I have stomach problems, my knees and jaw crack and I have a sore back. All of these things add to the fact that I am getttting older. I may not like it, but its happening.

And so, I sit here taking my life for granted, why have I not travelled yet? Why have I not met more people? Why have I not lost all that weight and why have I not donated to several charities in my support? Lack of money? Interest? No, its because I don't realise the time flying past my eyes, no pun intended.

But seriously, I really need to start getting my act together, I feel like I'm in my own life play but I haven't memorised the lines or internalized the vcharacter... This life is going to be just like a really bad play, with the crappy overture and the half-assed popcorn and everything.

So this is my promise, and I hope it is your promise too, to take control of your life play, learn your lines, step up and get to know that character, and find your place.

Sorry about minor spelling errors I am wearing contacts and can't see the screen. I am spending the night with some old friends, I hope everyone takes it easy this evening and has a drink on me!

Cheers!

Jess :]

on the sea in a little boat

[twenty-one]

I find that I am a messy person. I never would've considered myself as messy pror to my arrival at university, but once you stop caring about what other people think of your room and start focusing on actual work and life, cleanliness and organization are thrown out the window.

I have dishes to do, water bottles to recycle, my bed to make, DVD's to put in cases, the fish to feed, clothes to pick up off the floor... The list is relatively endless, and to be honest I believe it will continue to pile up until I actually get sick of it. Given, it is all organized to pertain to my needs. I know where everything is basically, it is just the look of it...

It feels alright to me.

My room has always been a little sanctuary for just me. A place where I can do or say or sing or wear whatever I want, and whenever I want. Here my room is almost more private than at home, due to the lack of a mother honking on me to clean or to keep things in order. Here I keep everything in one room.

I love my bed, its relatively small but it is comfortable and it is mine. I love my walls that are covered with posters that I have collected that reflect me... I love my desk, that is full to the brim with textbooks, computers, my beautifl fish, waterbottles, booze and so much more. I love my closet that is just remnants of mornings that I couldn't find anything to wear, nights when I couldn't find anything to eat, and the afternoons that I couldn't find the shoes I wanted.

I've been reflecting on this lately because this has been my home for four months now, and in another four months as quickly as it came it will be gone. I'll be back at home for the summer, and I will be moving in to a different place next year. I think I'm going to miss the tiny space that I live in now, but I will be thrilled to be back to where there's more than two feet between my desk and bed, and the windows cover most of a wall instead of just a little on one.

So to everyone who has a room, or to those that don't, I hope that you enjoy this evening because this is right now. This is the present the moment the verb the constant the time. This is the time to appreciate. Wow I'm like a corny cartoon, sorry for the bad post, I had nothing to say really today...

I'm off to have a lovely night with my friends,

Take Care,

Jess :]

oh yeah

[twenty]

I want to travel the world. I need some inspiration. I want to just jump on a plane and land somewhere exotic, not necessarilly warm or anything...But somewhere incredible, somewhere life changing, somewhere that will impact me and broaden my life. I want to have experiences in new places and meet incredible people.

I want to walk out my front door and see the lights of a city shine in the sky above me, and hear the whisper of grass from a nearby field on either side of me. I want to be able to breathe air with history in every inflection. I want to live my life on the stones rocks and roads of my ancestors. I want to live through history in an invigorating depth. I want to touch a stone wall that a soldier touched. I want to have meaningful memories.

I want to experience nightlife, experience day time markets, experience love and passion and failure. I want to see a flowing chandelier glisten above an opera. I want to hear a live band play in a downtown pub. I want to drink tea in the afternoon. I want to experience life in a whole new way, different from before and better than the future.

I want to know my own country; to know the prairies and the coasts; to know the arctic and the borders. I want to know people; know names; recognise hometown stores and street names. I want to know the paths and the lines on every map, I want to discover, create, and explore.

Most of all, I want to be with people who mean the most to me. I want to share my experience with someone or more than one so that I can shape these wants and dreams into memories. I want to travel, I want to be. I want all of these things so that I can be a better person. So that I can learn and evolve in a way that I will appreciate and feel good about. I want to dream.

I want to dream big.

So to everyone who wants, needs, dreams, and has: get off your ass and plan. Although it seems cliche, you can't reach a goal without a plan. If my goal is to travel to see the world to be everywhere to know to learn and to love every minute of it, I'm going to work my hardest to get there.

Autumn '12 <3 here's hopin' to start the journey!

love,

Jess :]

give me a home and I'll fill the space

[nineteen[

Why can't people ever just say things? Admit to faults, reveal hidden secrets, give someone relief? Why is it so hard for people in the world to not be blunt, to just hurt someone's feelings? If it is a cliffhanger everyone wanted we would be reading a good suspense novel, not having a conversation. Not attempting to make plans, or have an intellectual debate, or battle something important. No, the world is looking for answers, and everyone in it has just decided that in order to keep everyone's feelings from geting hurt, they will just neglect to tell anyone anything. I may be a hypocrite, but I admit to my faults.

And that's all for today, because I honestly feel like that's enough.

I've just had enough.

Take care,

Jess :]

its just like a sonnet

[eighteen]

Today I have been thinking a whole lot about me, and who I am, and myself in relation to the world. I described it very well to a friend who needed it... I said that I didn't believe in religion, but I believed in believing. I guess that's a reasonable statement to someone who has gone through trauma and rough patches through their life. I believe that there is an energy between people that causes human nature to react to energies of other people. I was explaining that I didn't believe in karma, that good people can have bad things happen to them, but there is a good sense of believing that the good in people will overcome the bad, and that morality and ethics are revealed to those who look for it.

I believe that everyone has a good side, although that can be masked by bad decisions, or a fault in the systems of their brains. I guess crazy people are exempt from that, but there really isn't a time in anyone's life where they haven't felt vulnerable, or soft. Not everyone can have a hard exterior constantly, even if that side isn't shown to the public. Even if those soft feelings or doubts or flaws that make everyone human are only shown whilst they are alone; there still is a goodness in everyone. I guess I believe that retribution and happiness is atainable through beliefs and true understanding of the self. I should take philosophy.

But honestly, if you look at any pop culture reference, any movie, any reputable song, any kind gesture or horrible situation, there is nothing that can't be cured or celebrated or expressed when you believe it can. Its like saying that nothing is impossible if you believe you can do it, I'll call it the Peter Pan theory. I think I can fly, I believe I can, and so I can. If it makes someone happy, is it harmful to bring them down out of never never land?

I guess belief seems to be a deeply religious word, rooted with prayers and sermons, but I honestly think that I can continue searching for myself both religiously and personality-wise and say that I am a firm believer in believing. It is hard for anyone to admit to themselves that they have a confident belief in their own self, but it is the most enthralling, invigorating feeling to tell someone that you believe in them. You are giving them a boost, a surge; and that feeling is mutual when you know someone believes in you. It is the utmost solidarity when you know that although you may not have a firm grip on yourself, someone else is behind you securing your harness to theirs, they're there for you on the tall climb to the top. If you have people in your life and everyone does, then you will succeed. You just have to believe.

So to everyone who believes in something or someone; to those who need someone to believe in or to believe in them; to those who believe in everything or nothing at all: I wish that you celebrate your beliefs, and drink in how incredibly lucky you are to acknowledge that a confidence and strength follows you. You cannot forget that although it seems that you are alone, you are not.

And if you have no one to believe in you, I do. I believe in humanity. I believe in the goodness of people. I believe in musicians and doctors and freeloaders. I believe in the truck that pulls to the side of the road to pick up a hitch-hiker. I believe in the grocery store cashier working the late shift I believe in the struggling university students trying to land solidly on their feet while they try to find themselves and succeed an education at the same time. If you need me, I'm yours. This is my thing, I'm a believer.

I am so lucky to recognise that, because it is the best feeling in the world.

I hope everyone has a wonderful evening, I think I'm possibly going to start writing a play for a playwriting competition sometime in the next day if I have time, if not I will just start reading a new play. Its T minus seven days until the big 19, maybe tomorrow I'll express to you all how I don't believe in age.

Love,

Jess :]

he likes you

and you don't even know it

[seventeen]

I was getting my nails done today and realised that I have had only two different kinds of manicure-treatment in my life. The first kind is that of a well done job, but the manicurists performs the act of the manicure in silence or near-to it. the other is a half-assed mani but the girl doing it is talkative, lively, and very interested in conversation. I have a theory that these two nail treatments are examples of two different kinds of business, both effective, but do people prefer one over the other?

Its the argument of efficiency vs. customer service. Although both are elusive and fit into each other's categories, in the nail treatment example it is clear which is qhich. It is almost a battle between quality vs quantity. Do you want to spend money on a conversation getting to know someone who you will not see again and get an alright nail job, or would you rather spend money to get a well-done nail job and little conversation? Personally, I know I'd rather be alone with my thoughts while my hands get pampered, but its a matter of preference.

I feel that businesses today would rather get things done efficiently and as fast as possible with little recall, little faults. There's no intimacy anymore, there's no mix of the two. It is hard to find a solid business that has good customer interaction that has a solid product. Maybe retail stores are exempt from this. I am talking about services. People are either rude and efficient or nice and slack a bit more. I would rather have a quiet manicurist, but I don't want a silent doctor.

This is beginning to also be an rgument of public and private. Is it necessary for public services to have any intimate conversations with clients? If you are paying for something that you want to be good, is it acceptable for silence? Its a fifteen dollar manicure, it sin't required for human health to get those, but you would assume that you are paying for an experience.

I think all of this depends on where you go. Those two salons both charge very different rates, but it all boils down to what you want to get out of it. If you really just want nice nails, go to the silent but good workers. If you want to go out with the girls for a relaxing spa-like day, head to the polite and conversationally open one. Businesses rely on the word of mouth for business, and I bet both of those places have a huge client-base.

This has been sort of repetetive and boring so I apologise, I'm trying to organise my thoughts on business, marketting, and manicure salons. The word salon sticks with me as hair, nails, and other kinds of beauty-related services. I feel like there should be an atmosphere there, not just a silent, mozart-filled room. I think that it all depends on what you like, and that determines where your allegience will lie.

With other services, like a plumber or an insurance agent, I feel that an intimate touch is needed. These things are directly related to your life, they are necessary, and they affect you immediately. In order to feel secure and comrtable people need to know that they trust the person who is dealing with personal matters. It is important for those kinds of businesses to ensure and garauntee customer satisfaction in that of the personality and attitudes of their workers. A lot of those type of businesses are self-run though, and a lot less bureaucratic.

It is weird to think of the world of business by way of customers. I feel that corporations today are only thinking of getting a job done rather than giving a customer what they want or need. If they make money, they're happy. What everyone has to realise is that in order to make someone happy you need to deliver what they need, and businesses can do that, by satisfying customers.

What a circle of a blog, I'm sorry, things aren't coming out the way I wanted. I think I'm still stuck in that rut I was talking about in my last post. Something's not right, there's a piece of my puzzle that isn't fitting in right. The blue paint isn't making yellow when it mixes with the green, its coming out a bright red colour. Bright red for FIGURE THIS OUT ASAP GIRL.

So I hope everyone has a lovely evening, I'll work hard to not make such a mess of a blog tomorrow. I have to finish Shakespeare's Measure for Measure and write a lovely personal monologue for tomorrow. I hope your night requires less looking into yourself via religion and courage and a little more organised thoughts!

Until tomorrow,

Jess :]

hot blooded

check it and see,

[sixteen]

Although it is the middle of winter and temperatures outside of my window range from negative ten to twenty I have been finding myself sweating inside my window. The only thing keeping me from gallavanting around in short shorts and a tank top, is that everyone will think I'm nuts. The heater in my room is somewhat on the fritz, and although I freeze whenever I leave it, I still persistantly wearing no socks, boxer shorts, and my hair is frequently off of my shoulders.

It seems so weird to be so warm during the winter, especially in such weather that mittens, scarves, and possibly long-john's are required. I have this feeling that my entire being is out of whack, and I believe it all started with this darned heat. I wake up sweating, but take a shower and freeze. I sit here writing in shorts but when I leave I put on a sweater. I am supposed to be curled up with tea in slippers with a good book (or those required in my English courses), but alas, I find myself nearly exposed, opening my windows even, to let the heat back off and the chilly weather beyond my window slip into my being.

But my body temperature isn't the only thing that is bothering me. I feel very dull. My life over the Christmas break was full of not necessarilly that exciting of things, but more things than just class readings and blogs...No offense. I mean, when I am with my friends these worries blend in with the background, but when I sit alone with my thoughts I just know that something isn't right. I haven't found my niche, my passion, what I am meant to do here, and I can't help but think I'm missing something.

I am content with the relationships in my life, I'm getting just the right things from just the right people, and I am "chilling" as I previously stated as a resolution... I have been really enjoying my classes, and the coursework and readings aren't as bad as I thought they would be... There is something that I am missing here, and I haven't been able to work it out. It isn't like I am ever bored or sit around with nothing to do, but I feel like my time could be spent with other things, or something else could be more worth while, while I sit here and read through facebook posts, I realise that my life shouldn't base around an online networking website.

Something's gotta give.

So I am on a quest for something passionate. Something hot--but not the temperature in my room. I almost prefer the cold, especially with the winter weather blistering outside. I am going to make it my top priority (well, maybe third after a monologue and finishing a play), and then I will update this. Everyone needs a little heat once in a while, maybe mine's just an overdose.

So I hope everyone has a wonderful night, I plan on wishing a Happy Birthday to a certain mc-poster-lovin' friend of mine, and then off to bed early to recover from a long, but well spent weekend.

Take care,

Jess :]

[fifteen]

I always find that January brings so many new things to life. A new year, certainly new snowfalls. For me it is my birthday in January, so I tend to have a new age to look forward to aswell. Usually there's a new school or work year, and quite possibly new people. I was worried, moving away, that I wouldn't find the right people, and for a while I didn't think I had found anywhere to fit into. That was last year.

It's been two weeks into this new year and my questions were shut down, I have confirmed for a fact that I have chosen not only the right place, but definitely the right people. I have my friends from highschool who seem to stay pristine and the same as time passes. I can go home and we have new memories that are the same as the old memories, nothing really has changed between us. Then I am here, in this new place with a handful of new people, and these new people are worth all of the worrying about.

To be a friend, I feel like a couple things are necessary. You need to be caring and considerate, but honest and loyal at the same time. You need to have fun, but also be able to be serious. I was a little skeptical at first, but I've finally been shown the light from my friends here, and not only do I trust them with my everything, but I hope that they can count on me aswell.

I would just like to point out to one special girl who helped me start this blog last year that she is an incredible person. She should never doubt herself, and I hope she starts to draw again, I will support you everyday just like you support me. I am so honoured to call you one of my closest friends, and I know you will do great things in the future. You deserve the world, I lub you.

If I couldn't count on my friends I would be lost. I am an open, caring person who needs to bestow some lovin' on other people, it is just a part of my personality. I enjoy being with people, and I try to surround myself with the sort of people that I aspire to be. I truely love all of my friends, and I do my best to not take them for granted. I know they will stand by me and they can count on me for the same. This is life, this is the real world, I can't do it alone, and I know now that I can rely on people.

So to everyone who is a friend, or has a friend, or needs a friend, or loves a friend, you deserve them, and they deserve you. It's human nature to desire companionhip, and when you are in good company there is nothing better than to think of how lucky you are to have that. I hope you have a wonderful afternoon, I will be spending mine with good friends.

Love,

Jess :]

a dose of drones

[fourteen]

A friend of mine has a habit, and not necessarily a bad habit, but she really does do it a lot. Maybe habit is the wrong word, maybe addiction or amorous, repetetive pass-time are better fits. She plays a mean game of solitaire, and if it was anybody's business but her own she claims to be good at it. We joke about it lightly, but what is solitaire representing in our technologically dependent world? Entertainment and joy comes from a little green screen with digital cards? And who actually knows how to play solitaire without the computer shuffling and laying them out with that little flick-flick-flick sound?

In a class this morning my TA said some interesting things about how everyone are just products of their environment, and no one makes a decision for themselves, everything is pre-intended by society's norms and consequences. Why is it that no one seems to be able to think for themselves? and even if they do, it never really is their own thoughts. It is a scary thing to think that what you are thinking right now has been influenced by years and years of socialization, and expectations of society and chronic politeness that suppresses every citizen of the world's true thoughts. You are technically not in control of your thoughts.

And so I wonder if honesty still exists, or love, or any other ideology that so many people think so deeply upon. Why is there judgement? Because society says certain things are suitable and certain things aren't. If the world was fair, karma would be immensely influential, and life would probably seem worse than today. We tell so many lies in one day that it is sickening, and that is a social norm. That is what is expected.

Its heartbreaking.

And so I challenge you to think about things that you think about, and the things that you find acceptable to say. Life is becoming more and more like a game of solitaire everyday, fate has shuffled and randomized the cards for us, but society has shaped the rules and expectations of the game. How we manipulate the cards to conform to that game is the verbatum: we control the cards in regulation of society's rules. And if you do something not in the rules, you lose.

On that cheery note, have a wonderful Friday! I have a long weekend, so I am spending the afternoon with a friend around campus, and will spend the night with my good friends, and hopefully no more injuries,

Until tomorrow,

Jess :]

I'm standing here until you make me move

[thirteen]

Does anyone have insomnia anymore? I almost feel like insomnia doesn't exist in a world where cities can be alive throughout the night, and the greater population are busy beavers for a living. I feel like honest insomnia is only implanted on those with either immense amounts of stress, or the unlucky few that just are graced with the presence of the anti-sand-man, who is not a loveable man in pajamas who sprinkles dust on your eyelids in the dark. No, the anti-sandman is a fat, rugged-looking man with bruises for eyes who drops bricks of thoughts on your head while you try to fall asleep.

I, knock on wood, have not had insomnia for a month now, and I don't know why it stopped but its gone now, and I hope to high heaven that it stays on holiday for atleast a while longer. I believe that sleeping is an incredible way to let out creativity, and when I lose that time my thoughts are a mixed drink of fiction droplets and reality. The inception-effect comes into play where there is no lines of reality or borders of truth, there is just plain perception and inferences. Which, in a dream-like state when your dreams are routinely vivid, is terrifying.

So staying awake all night may not have that many perks, but one may very well be that it is beautiful at night. The problem with that is however that whenever I have insomnia I spend the majority of that night trying desperately to shake off the running tap of thoughts in my head and sleep. This never works, and I find myself frustrated and exhausted come morning, and this just makes the serene stars and dark night outside my window more of a mocking smirk rather than the beautiful sight that it is.

So if you battle insomnia aswell, I wish you luck tonight trying to fall asleep. If you lay your head on the pillow and it is instand slumber, don't take that for granted. Lately I've been dream manipulating and having a splendor of odd ball thoughts, mostly to do with school and relationships. If dreams don't come easilly to you, I almost think you're missing out. My dreams are my favourite part of sleep, honest.

So have a good night, I have only one class tomorrow so it wil be spent with most relaxation.

Jess :]

it was a teenage wedding..

and the old folks wished them well,

[twelve]

If I were a princess,
my hair would be curled,
my shoes would be shined,
and I would wear pearls,

If I could live in castles,
I would have velvet sheets,
my voice is empty in the halls,
and servants wait by my feet,

If I should dream out of a box,
I would pick and choose
the things that I had loved the most,
and things that I should lose,

If I were a sweet damsel,
tucked in a far off tower,
I would listen to the silence,
and whistle by the hour.

~

I felt like writing a poem, its short and the rhyme's a little off, I couldn't find any word to do with shoes that rhymed with princess, but I've been juicing my creativity for this media project that I need to get working on. I was going to write a story about my life, but I decided against it that is too boring. So maybe I'll write some half-assed poems and then record me showing them to the camera? Anything that gets me out of saying anything out loud.

I find poetry so individual that I don't care if anyone lvoes or hates my poems, because I sort of like them, and I try to make myself my biggest fan before I try to make anyone else like them. I think that's how writing should be, you should write for yourself first, an audience second. Maybe that's how theatre should be aswell, any kind of creative act. Maybe I should be going about this project differently, instead of something that would fit the criteria of the course and digital world, maybe I should be thinking about something that I would like. It is supposed to be something that I am passionate about, I'll have to really think about this.

I just feel the time ticking away.

I hope everyone had a wonderful day, mine was a little up and down. But I did end up finding a five dollar Bowie poster! Thanks to a certain poster-maniac here at school.

Have a wonderful evening,

Jess :]

we all have our own universe

[eleven]

Today I decided to not take for granted the fact that I am getting an education, or the fact that I am becoming my own individual at the same time. I feel like I have so much time on my hands, when really I should be reading or studying, or some other mundane affect that us University students get up to these days. However, I still find myself cuddling in my desk chair listening to my little light classic rock bands and admiring things.

Like the books I bought yesterday which turned out to be a lot less expensive then I thought they would be. They are all so shiny, or used, or interesting or boring or just everything and anything you can think of. I can't even read them when I open them and I do to appreciate them. I should've opened my web browser to start this blog, but I ended up just drinking in my new literature.

Around campus I find myself enjoying walking the walking roads by myself, with my headphones in and just a serene attitude it makes for a relaxing in-between-class-break. I think people are too hustled and bustled these days to really look at what they're doing and think about the impact it has on their lives. I'm living alone in a new city learning totally new things and I can do this...

I can do this.

And you can too. Even if you're not at a new school or new environment, look at the people you see everyday and think of what their life is like, or when you're walking home look at the trees and the roads, the cars passing by. They may seem mundane, but these things and your interaction with these things define who you are, and fortunately for our society that is important.

You choose who you are, and you choose what you do. I think that your attitude defines how you go about choosing those things, and if you have the attitude of respect and possibility, then you are on the road to really learning so much about yourself and about the world. So don't take anything for granted these days, from you eyes to your feet, from the desk you're sitting at or the coffee shop down the street(I like to rhyme?). Everything impacts who you are, whether you like it or not.

So I should go and do a reading schedule and figure out a digital autobiography, maybe when I'm finished that I will post it up here, since my professor finds it necessary to share those with the entire class first anyway. I hope you have a wonderful evening,

take care,

Jess :]

one hand in my pocket, the other one's givin a high five

[ten]

It occured to me today that I do not have ahobby, or really anything that I enjoy or do often that could even classify as a hobby. I write, and I guess that would count as a hobby. But I don't classify listening to music as one, since I share this interest with a large majority of the population. I could say reading, but I haven't read an entire book in months, and even then it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I feel a little lost, could my hobby be finding hobbies? People told me to knit, I bought yarn and lost it. Maybe my hobby can be losing things, that happens a lot.

Does collecting things count as a hobby? In that case I do collect so many things. When I go on trips I collect the bags, tags, reciepts and stubs from everywhere I've been including brochures and tickets. I collect cd's and DVD's, although it does seem to be more for entertainment purposes. I collect quarters with cool things on them, and plastic water bottles with interesting labels (saving the world obviously). I collect notebooks, mainly empty ones. MacDonalds toys, hand cream, mugs, Disney movies,rubber ducks... The list could probably go no, oh Broadway musicals! See, its like a fetish. I have a collecting problem.

The worst part about my hobby I guess is that I collect things that are relatively useless. Maybe the music and movies are enjoyable, but the rest are just plain decorative junk. I need a hobby that is real. A hobby that I can really delve into, and be passionate about, like fishing. Well, maybe not fishing, maybe something a little more tame like painting. I've always loved painting, maybe I'll make that next year's resolution.

Regardless of my boring hobbies, I still find myself living out my days in a somewhat exciting way, and I hope whatever hobbies you enjoy also fill your days with albeit decorative, but enjoyable memories.

Take care,

Jess :]

tar and feather me, I'll write you a love song

[nine]

I was going to write a lovely blog about nature and humanity taking things for granted and I started it earlier today, however I think this is more important. What is love? What is it that makes you want to care about someone else? And why is it so important to us to maintain love? I believe in love, I believe in true love, but I also believe in platonic love. I have a lot of love to give, and a lot of people, many unknowingly and not in a creepy way, recieve that love.

So, what is it? Is it pity or self indulgence? Or is it something less basic, more socity based and modern, like a melodrama? Is it the craving for acceptance or is it just the plain age-old fact that everyone just wants to have compassion and mean something to someone. I have this thing, where if I think someone needs it I give it, regardless of what I get back. Is this love? I think it is.

But love isn't friendship or compassion to everyone, people believe in sex and chemistry over simple love. Which, in all honesty, good for them. If you have the confidence to trust someone in only a sexual, physical passion, than you are more skilled than I. If you can give yourself fully to someone with likely little in return, than you know how to maintain not only sanity but strength... But I think love is strength, and love isn't just passion.

Many, me included, believe that love equals passion. Love needs the sparks and the fireworks, and this is just so unreasonable. Love is sitting in on a Wednesday night drinking hot chocolate and reading the paper together. Love can be so many different things, but most of all, espeically now that I'm learning to realise and accept quickly, is that love is being comfortable with both whomever you're with and yourself at the same time, and accepting that you are safe and happy. It's a great feeling, I recommend it.

But these feelings don't just happen with a life partner, I quite honestly believe that love is a friendship thing. I spent the evening with a group of friends, and I had just the best time because I felt comfortable and content, and we had a really boring nothing-to-do night. Take the time to have these moments with people you love, because it is worth every moment of silence of content thought together. It is worth so much to be with people and to be with people who respect and love you back.

So have a wonderful night, whether you're alone on this Sunday night drinking that hot chocolate alone, or if you're sitting with your group in your content happiness, please, enjoy it.

Love,

Jess :]

saturday night and the air is gettin hot

like you baby,

[eight]

So today I moved back into my residence at school, and not only did I have an amazing evening catching up with my friends, and having the best times walking in the snow and riding the bus, but now we're just going at it hardcore.


And so, being a little bit out of sorts at the moment, I don't know what to write. I wouldn't call it writer's block, because I am still writing. Usually when I get writer's block, I don't write at all for months and months, but right now its more of a lack of ideas. I think that Stephen King or somebody once said that when you can't think of anything to write, you should just continue to write and write anything that comes to mind, and I kind of think that's what this blog is all about for me. I don't really start any blog with any type of idea, but I start typing and what you read is the result.

So I moved back into res today, I brought the fish on the bumpy ride back, and I put up my new amazing Bowie poster, and now I'm spending the night with some good friends, catching up. And something that I love about being at school right now is that everyone is so interesting, and everyone is different, and everyone has a different story to tell or show. I love this, because I am meeting some really amazing people. I have the best memories from my four months being here, and the next four months will be equally exhilarating.

I hope that everyone can have an experience that they can call their own, something that is so unique to them that they can tell a story to a bunch of people coming from totally different backgrounds, and they can all sit and listen in awe. I feel like I still have no stories to tell, but I find myself contributing nontheles, because it is hard to predit what conversations will bring out of people, and if you love being with people as much as me, iots almost more fun to sit and listen than to tell your own stories.

So you are my people that I tell my stories to, and its one of my new years resolutions to chill out and be more open with people, so I'm gonna let myself go with this one night.

I hope everyone has a wonderful night, cheers,

Jess :]

black ice

[seven]

I haven't had much on my mind today other than itunes, manicures and boston izza, and therefore have not a lot to say. Mostly I am just revelling in the fact that it is my last day of relaxation before I head back to school, to deal with the bustle of moving back in, getting my keys and seeing everyone again. I have missed living alone for a bunch of reasons, but most of all I just miss deciding what to do all day for myself.

Yeah, I've been at home making my own plans with my own people, but it isn't the same as choosing what and when for meals, who or what with plans, and sleep. At school, I find I sleep so much better, because I can sleep whenever and for however long. It is my life.

I've also been a little bored at home, I should've done some reading for some classes, but I like that feeling of having to do a reading for the next day, or having an assignment due to work on. I like being busy, but the relaxing days filled with nothing but a tea and sex and the city have been a relief aswell.

Tomorrow I will try to find time to make a short post, hopefully there will be time to put some thoughts down. As of right now I don't know when, what with moving in, unpacking, seeing everyone and staying up all night "catching up" will just be jam-packed day.

Take care until tomorrow,

Jess :]

berry me?

[six]

I do.

Today, I jumped into the ocean of swimming bbm messages; the globally known and corporation that has its HQ where I live. I now own a blackberry bold. And I love it. Yeah, I always said that full keyboard phones are for lazy people who don't want to learn T9 texting, but I was wrong. I admit it, I was always wrong. BBM is like MSN but hand held, I can get onto facebook from a tiny little button on the main screen. And the best thing of all? The cases come in every colour.

Mine is purple, and I have fallen deep and I am drowning in love with my hand held connection. I always have loved my phone, like every other adolescent, social-networking addicted teen out there. I have texted for half of my life, and the other half was spent a good long time on the computer slaving over MSN conversations and piczo websites. I'm not saying that all of this technology is bad, because in reality, we are learning to organize, make respectful conversations, and use language and media way earlier than the previous generation ever did. Needless to say, both of my parents also have blackberries and love them.

But its not just a generation thing, I believe that technology has brought the world closer together on, maybe not a more intimate level, with google breathing down our necks about their listings and facebook letting just anyone add anyone these days. But Things like these, these blogs. You are reading my thoughts, and I am letting you. This is something that can only remotely resemble the radio in an improv sense, and even there it is censored and commercialised. I believe that technology is making the world a better place, one blackberry at a time.

Let it be smiling messages first thing in the morning, or reminders about memories or photographs, or even just plain old conversation. Everyone loves to talk, and blackberries do nothing but let you communicate in your own personalized fashion. The twenty-first century is all about being yourself, blackberry is just another way of coming together, but being individual at the same time.

So regardless of you technology of choice let it be the computer, cell phone, or any other mico-driven device, I hope that you take a step back and look at what you're a part of. This is something that no one has ever been involved with before, and I hope you're not taking it for granted.

Until tomorrow,

Jess :[

parouse cruise

[five]

Why is it that we live in a society where the only size of a coffee you can get is a large? And why is everything so expensive in a bookstore, when everything's going digital? and why oh why do we live in any kind of world, where the country that invented hockey lose to one ugly looking Russia?

To start it off, let's talk about Starbucks. Yes, its delicious and very couture, but any coffee shop that you can find at the corner of every street seems a little excessive. Anyone watching their diet or their budget should avoid this place; anyone with anxiety problems or claustrophobia should also avoid it. Not only is every drink on the mennu over three billion calories, but they are also all atleast four dollars each. Those two factors combined should make any decent person turn away, but still it is full and packed at any given time. If you're passing through on your way to work, you'll be in line long enough for you to change your mind a couple times. If you're intending to stay a while, it is an unwritten rule of starbucks that if you snag any decent seat in the place you DO NOT MOVE; therefore making it impossible to find a seat. All of these things in one little, coffee-bean-smelling package should prompt you to never enter again. Heed my warnings, and if not, try the chocolate banana smoothie, it's not so bad.

Next, in this day and age of technology and speed, why is it twenty five dollars for a decent sized novel, and why doesn't everyone jump on this obviously still thriving market? I am guilty of buying more than a library of books, but I am also builty of downloading audio books online. I do not doubt that there are written copies of novels online, so why are book prices so expensive? If the books are still selling, there clearly should be more authors out there who could be making millions putting out their own two cents! Long ranting short, make books less expensive, you'll sell more in these technology times.

Last but not least, what the hell Canada? I avoid facebook all evening, fully aware that the Canada juniors game is on, and then I come on a steady amount of time after the game, and BAM. The news feed is swamped and littered with statuses floating around the Canada loss to Russia in the final period. How do I know this without watching the game? Social networking. Why am I disappointed? Same reason. Yeah, it sucks that they lost because well let's face it, we're supposed to rock at hockey and that just isn't showing. We need to start living up to this whole ice and play hockey reputation, because lately that has just been non-existent. So what I'm trying to say is if Canada actually won tonight, it would've been more enjoyable to be on facebook, ergo, please win Canada.

So this was a random day, a result of being at a bookstore and a bitter trip to the dentist this afternoon, followed by a peaceful evening with Sir watching 500 Days of Summer, Have a good night, until tomorrow,

Jess :]

if you wanna get down,

down on the ground,

cocaine

[four]

So it came to my attention last night that, post Christmas shopping brigade, money doesn't replenish by itself. After buying gift after gift for everyone on my list, I have found my self not marginally, but landslides less money endowed than prior to the green-grubbing season.

I do understand that Christmas is not about gifts, I truly believe in that, because it is about the spirit and the people and the feeling you get when your sister opens up their present and loves what you got them, that is the best feeling. But the unfortunate thing is that anything that anyone wants nowadays costs forty dollars plus, and its almost expected to get what you want.

Why can't people just settle for something home made? A poem? Yeah, I'm laughing writing that, but I know people who do make all of their Christmas gifts, and you know what? I bet their families find it wonderful and thoughtful... Now I can't cook, and I'm not good with wood working or any sort of craft that would be useful or good, but I wish that I had the guts to make all of my gifts.

Bow I do find relatively meaningfunl gifts for everyone, usually I give an assortment of things that I found just for them specifically, or things that I thought they would like. My gifts are not always necessarilly expensive or cheap, or small or big, but they usually have a meaning or a reason why I bought them. For my sister this year I bought her a t-shirt from my university, a heart necklace and a change purse from a vintage store. I was worried she wouldn't like these things, because they weren't necessarilly her, but she did. That's another thing about Christmas gifts, its politically correct and polite in general to always, without question, love anything you are given. Maybe its common sense, but I think its something that society has put in to put an upper on the Christmas season.

So regardless of your money spending over the holidays, or your lack or excession of creativity, I hope that everything you gave and recieved quenched your thirst for the season, although I am not quite finished with it I think the world is moving on. I'm going to stay in my Nightmare Before Christmas-inserted reference of Christmastown. So I will stay content in my snow-filled, christmas-light-lit world, and I'll continue to treasure my bliss until it is broken by school in less than a week.

to everyone, I hope you all are still stuck in bliss with me, take care,

Jess :]

colour me violet

[three]

Two days ago it began to rain, and not just trickle a little freezing piss down like it usually does at the end of December to just cause ice and snow days, but like a horrendous amount of melting rain that concluded in the dissintegration of the snow. Which, in my opinion, would be wonderful on any other account if it hadn't just been Christmas. Two weeks from now? Wonderful! But now? Along with my family's Christmas tree being brought down yesterday, it was almost like the holidays were just washed away as quickly as they crept up...

As I have previously stated, I love Christmas. I love December snow, I love the lights and mittens and everything else that comes with this glorious season, but it almost hurts my feelings when New Years passes by, and poof! A disappearing act put on by both mother nature and residents of the Christmas community. Yes, its tacky to have your lights up in February, but give the spirit a little afterglow, it really only has time to shine for a week!

And so the snow is gone, the lights are gone, and what are we left with? Well I am left with a week of sleeping in, reading, and organizing before I head back to study central, but a grey cloud seems to be darkening my relaxing days. I feel like an impending, unspoken doom is threatening to lash out at me for missing the holiday season already. Well, let 'em shoot me. It goes by too fast to catch a glimpse, so let the holidays live on!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday night, and a happy continuing Christmas to each one of you!

Jess :]

just keep swimming

[two]

Today I found myself surrounding by crowds of people wearing skates, who were all slightly taller than usual, and a little more bundled as this was an indoor ice rink. There was also a large portion of people with children, now this is the verbatum: Why? I mean yes, ice skating is incredibly enjoyable to anyone young or old, capable or not, but for young children--especially brought against their will--they tend to find it less entertaining. Especially whilst bundled in snow pants of bright colours and mittens that just won't quit. The ice is cold, and it's hard, and their ankles must not be developed enough balance-wise to keep them afloat for a long period of time. This fact of small children falling, makes me weary and a little skeptical of the whimsical fun of skating.


And so I rejoice in the fact that, where there's a little bundle of skating hell, there is a reflective parent who has to deal with their now screaming, and as my mom says it, squawking, child. It's their own fault for forcing this freezing activity on their offspring, and now they have to deal with the humility that everyone around them knows that that kid does not want to be there, and it's that parent's fault.

But I'm not blaming anyone, skating is a relatively harmless activity that, in the winter, provides physical activity and social interaction that is otherwise avoided during the holiday season. I learned how to skate at age three, trailed behind an old chair at the local arena with my parents, and I had my share of falling. I always loved skating, even though I could never truly stand up straight, or stop...ever.

So I am not critisizing, I am just merely stating a well known arena-going fact: that young children often do not enjoy the act of skating, but some love it. It's a personal thing, not everyone loves to be surrounded by people in the freezing cold and the only thing holding you up from the hard ice is thin metal slats. Maybe I'm just a clumsy person, but I also make excellent observations.

And for the record, not all posts will be this late, it is still sunday!

Take care, until tomorrow,
Jess :]

REVOLUTION

[one]

If it's anybody's business but my own to know why I'm going tos tart writing everyday, its because its a resolution. And to be honest, I think it will be for my own good. Its an urban myth to even attempt to stick to a resolution, it's like a universal goal to not make goals that you can't keep, and well I guess what I'm trying to say that this is a little easier than pledging to stay fit or quit drinking, but it is an equal battle for remembering, and therefore continuing.

So I hereby state my New Year's Resolutions, I'll have to keep them in mind to continue on with each of them:
-This lovely little blog every single day, with exception to those that are busy, full of studying, or when it honestly doesn't suit me
-yoga...
-to, in short, 'chill out' about things

So we;ll see, I think those are reasonable, and in the event of this blog I end up not posting every day or near to it as possible I have a sneaking suspicion that a certain someone will kick me, or polka me out of my room :P

So now it's 2011, an end to a decade, an end to one very influential year, and last night after my festivities were finished and I was snug up underneath the Christmas light stars that hang everywhere at this time or year, I realised that this sort of thing for me, making a relatively time consuming and invasive pledge as a blog, should be a good thing for me. Usually my writing is kept away, along with my thoughts, so the thing with this blog is that its going to be written for me, in a kind of revolutionary way. I want to just put my thoughts somewhere, and if no one reads it, that's fine, then I'm up there with all of the other millions of blogs that are never read, as long as I like what I write and I don't disappoint myself.

Disappointment is the worst.

So I hope that everyone else out there spent their last moments of 2010 with people they love, and entered 2011 with a bang, I certainly did.

Take care until tomorrow,
Jess :]