[eighteen]
Today I have been thinking a whole lot about me, and who I am, and myself in relation to the world. I described it very well to a friend who needed it... I said that I didn't believe in religion, but I believed in believing. I guess that's a reasonable statement to someone who has gone through trauma and rough patches through their life. I believe that there is an energy between people that causes human nature to react to energies of other people. I was explaining that I didn't believe in karma, that good people can have bad things happen to them, but there is a good sense of believing that the good in people will overcome the bad, and that morality and ethics are revealed to those who look for it.
I believe that everyone has a good side, although that can be masked by bad decisions, or a fault in the systems of their brains. I guess crazy people are exempt from that, but there really isn't a time in anyone's life where they haven't felt vulnerable, or soft. Not everyone can have a hard exterior constantly, even if that side isn't shown to the public. Even if those soft feelings or doubts or flaws that make everyone human are only shown whilst they are alone; there still is a goodness in everyone. I guess I believe that retribution and happiness is atainable through beliefs and true understanding of the self. I should take philosophy.
But honestly, if you look at any pop culture reference, any movie, any reputable song, any kind gesture or horrible situation, there is nothing that can't be cured or celebrated or expressed when you believe it can. Its like saying that nothing is impossible if you believe you can do it, I'll call it the Peter Pan theory. I think I can fly, I believe I can, and so I can. If it makes someone happy, is it harmful to bring them down out of never never land?
I guess belief seems to be a deeply religious word, rooted with prayers and sermons, but I honestly think that I can continue searching for myself both religiously and personality-wise and say that I am a firm believer in believing. It is hard for anyone to admit to themselves that they have a confident belief in their own self, but it is the most enthralling, invigorating feeling to tell someone that you believe in them. You are giving them a boost, a surge; and that feeling is mutual when you know someone believes in you. It is the utmost solidarity when you know that although you may not have a firm grip on yourself, someone else is behind you securing your harness to theirs, they're there for you on the tall climb to the top. If you have people in your life and everyone does, then you will succeed. You just have to believe.
So to everyone who believes in something or someone; to those who need someone to believe in or to believe in them; to those who believe in everything or nothing at all: I wish that you celebrate your beliefs, and drink in how incredibly lucky you are to acknowledge that a confidence and strength follows you. You cannot forget that although it seems that you are alone, you are not.
And if you have no one to believe in you, I do. I believe in humanity. I believe in the goodness of people. I believe in musicians and doctors and freeloaders. I believe in the truck that pulls to the side of the road to pick up a hitch-hiker. I believe in the grocery store cashier working the late shift I believe in the struggling university students trying to land solidly on their feet while they try to find themselves and succeed an education at the same time. If you need me, I'm yours. This is my thing, I'm a believer.
I am so lucky to recognise that, because it is the best feeling in the world.
I hope everyone has a wonderful evening, I think I'm possibly going to start writing a play for a playwriting competition sometime in the next day if I have time, if not I will just start reading a new play. Its T minus seven days until the big 19, maybe tomorrow I'll express to you all how I don't believe in age.
Love,
Jess :]
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