without.

All day it has been bothering me, and its just something that has come up and I am gonna try and answer my own questions here, but..

When you are surrounded by people but no one is talking to you and you aren\t included in a conversation, are you lonely? If so, how? If not, well..

It makes more sense to think that you are alone, but you couldn't be if there are all those people around you. I have felt this numerously, and not only do I feel abandonded nin a sense but I feel like I could change it if I tried even a little. I mean, I'm not contributing to any conversations either, so its a two way street. Stil, its not a great feeling to see everyone else havin a party and you are blowin your party noise maker all alone.

Then there are the people with the headphones. The people who you could talk to and still don't take them out of their ears, and you wonder how much they're actually hearing. If its a two way conversation, and I'm making this big investment to actually talk, wouldn\'t it be decent for the other contributer to equally invest? I mean for one thing its rude, for another its just....plain...yeah, rude.

Music may be your "life" but conversation is mine, lets help my life contgrinue along with yours. Apologising now for the errors I'm not editing this at all. Anyway, the people around you affect your mood to the extent of loneliness in a room full of people. It could be a sign of chronic depression, or it could be you bein pretty selfish thinking other people should be talking to yuo as opposed to you talking to them.

TWO WAY STREET BUDDAY.

But lets look at this out of curiosity for your sake, its human nature to need love and comfortt and other people's involvement in your life dictates to what extent that shows through your personality or emotions. If you dfeel abandonded when not talked to but your friends are surrounding you, start a conversation, and if it fails, then you've got the right to be all upset.

I've been there, sooo many times. IO'm always the one who has to start conversations in the first place, so I tend totbe quieter when other people are in large groups. This is weird because I am usually super outgoing and crazy, but in these situations its just...like I close. NBecause a lot of people think that I don't have anything good to say. I do, I'm just self conscious

Thats always a factor though, isnt it? self consciousness? Anyone who says they're secure with themselves is lying, because everyone hates something about themselves, you can\t be perfecti perfection is not possible. However, it is attainable to feel acceptance towards your flaws, say you're a tiny bit overweight, if you look at the women of the medieval ages they were all fatter than any skinny assed model these days, yet here we all are self conscious about our weight. You know you're bigger than themn =ME=. I know I'm bigger than them, and yet I just kind of...brush it off. It bothers me sometimes when I'm buying jeans or with my skinny friends, but other than that I mean I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR.

let yourself out, go, be yourself. be the quiet, lion you are. Or be the outgoing fierce lion, whatever suits your fancy, head on out there and goo goo GO.!

"D

construction

One time somebody went ahead and told me writing was like a construction zone for a house, and it could be, but I write a different way. I do do a construction of a sort, but more in the characters and their lives as the story itself. When I begin writing a story, it always starts with a character strolling through my head who I choose, sit down, and mold into a real living breathing thing.

Obviously an interesting conflict eventually enters their life in which I can write a story off of, but before that happens they must have an everything. Memories, a bedroom, secrets, everything that makes up a person. For example, they've got to have a mom, and that mom must have secrets and a story of their own. She's gotta have substance in order to be believable, and thats where the detail of conflict comes in. Say my character's mom is married to a king? This affects the character in general, how they're treated, their reactions, and everything surrounding that sort of plot development.

So I guess what I mean to say is that I write like I'm writing about myself but its not myself. If I was writing my own story I'd include all about my childhood, my family, how many times I've moved and why I thought we did when I was young. Pets, school, the secrets I've kept. Everything that basically I would find trivial and boring about myself, those little things, that make a character interesting to everyone else.

The secret about this sort of thing is that it doesn't have to be all Harry Potter, they don't have to have extrodinary anything, they just need to have an actual personality. They don't need to be outgoing or exciting or unique even, if you include enough little facts about them that grows on its own.

Also, when you write anything the characters don't always have to be super, or good. They can be bad characters, bad people. Their secrets shouldn't always be they stole the cookie from the cookie jar, they can do bad things. Not all good stories have good charcters, good in the sense of morality and right and wrong. Depending on the genre of writing I mean, hell, Harry's no Hufflepuff, but he's no Slytherin either.

A character that I've recently began developing is called Hunni (most of my characters begin with a nickname and their actual name is unearthed later on). Hunni is twenty and still lives at home with her single mother, sister and nephew. Her sister and her share a room with the nephew, its a small apartment, and Hunni is really messy but since her nephew is a toddler all of her mess has to be above the hardwood floor out og reach.

Thats only a start really, but a conflict could already emerge if the mother wants her daughters to move out, or Hunni doesn't want to be there anymore but she feels ogliged to help out with her nephew. So many things that are caused by little things that can be manipulated into a story. Things are just there, ready for you to find.

i like your face

And I do. I like your face, elbows, knees, your everything.

Try it out, I mean, not one person on this planet can say they do not enjoy having a little complimentation in their life. A little love never hurt anyone, given in the right way of course. How does anyone expect to be happy without that one little comfort thing? That's my objective, share this happiness thing, it seems to be doing some good in the world.

For example, I go to the hospital once a month. Usually its before the sun comes up, and therefore all of the other patients in the waiting room beside me look just as tired as I feel, just as nervous as I feel, just as absolutely pissed off that they have to be there as I do. And yet, there I sit, smiling at every single one of them. Because I've got this thing, this inkling inside of me that says to me it says "Jessie, what do you want to have accomplished at the end of the day? and I always, always respond, to make someone else's day even just a bit better.

So everyday its like going into a minefield with my teenage friends, I mean there's drama and heartbreak and betrayal and depression and loneliness. Its like an ongoing battle. I'm not saying I'm exempt from these things, lets face it I'm only eighteen its like I AM those things, I am just saying that instead of wallowing in my own problems, I'd rather get other people's minds off their own.

And enters "I like your face". I'm serious, try it out. It is the best compliment to give, recieve, have in tact when you need it. Its what everyone needs. Its like laughter, or a spoonfull of sugar, its something that helps life go by. If you can't change your life, change yourself. If you can't change yourself, change how you are to other people. If you can't do any of that...

:)