[one hundred, forty-seven]
HERE I AM, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE.
I have this odd urge to just air guitar for a while. If it is any consolation pete, I don’t care too much about your Farmville account. I don’t think anyone really thinks about the feeling in their ears until they are pierced or burnt. You capitalize proper nouns like names of streets, towns, cities, countries, people, formal places and organizations. I like your face. MacDonalds Happy Meals come with toys that have sucked since the millennia began. If ya don’t read, ya ain’t got the eyes for me. Strap on your utility belt, Batman, we’re going on an adventure! I want a glass elevator. If I ever wake up dead I’ll seriously be angry. Choose two or more options if you wish, but if not just one is fine. Get off the grass! Alex, bring me a blizzard. I think it is important that everyone reads The Diary of Anne Frank. Global weaponry evokes fear. Watching reality tv doesn’t make you stupid, it means you haven’t found a good enough book yet. If we were on Survivor right now, I’d vote you off the island. Quidditch after dark. I love corny jokes. Today is the first day in a long string of days that I said I am good. Chew your food so ya don’t choke. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. Love you, bye.
I felt like some random today,
love,
Jess :]
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
for thirsty thursday
[one hundred, forty-six]
If you’ve ever had a secret handshake you know what it feels like to think on the spot. I used to have one with an elementary school friend who I never see anymore, and we used to do it at recess and it used to be fantastic. I can’t remember who it was or how it went, but it was awesome I can recall that. I feel like that helped me really appreciate my friends, since I didn’t have a ton when I was in elementary school. If you had a friend good enough to have a secret handshake with, well, you were just in a right old place now weren’t ya?
I personally think that it is important to keep up those relationships, to groom, water, and feed them. I think that in a friendship if you’re both not thinking about everything at once, and you balance the work of communication, love, and trust than you’ve got yourself a lovely little thing going there. I also think that, although better friends become better over time, you can make terrific friends in short periods of time as well. Take my eight months at university, I know I’ve met a handful of people that I will never, ever forget. I will want to know them for the rest of my life, and I love them already, and they’re stuck with me.
I say that to my friends now, “you’ve stuck with me” because they are. Once I care about someone, there’s no going back. We are past the point of no return.
take care,
Jess :]
If you’ve ever had a secret handshake you know what it feels like to think on the spot. I used to have one with an elementary school friend who I never see anymore, and we used to do it at recess and it used to be fantastic. I can’t remember who it was or how it went, but it was awesome I can recall that. I feel like that helped me really appreciate my friends, since I didn’t have a ton when I was in elementary school. If you had a friend good enough to have a secret handshake with, well, you were just in a right old place now weren’t ya?
I personally think that it is important to keep up those relationships, to groom, water, and feed them. I think that in a friendship if you’re both not thinking about everything at once, and you balance the work of communication, love, and trust than you’ve got yourself a lovely little thing going there. I also think that, although better friends become better over time, you can make terrific friends in short periods of time as well. Take my eight months at university, I know I’ve met a handful of people that I will never, ever forget. I will want to know them for the rest of my life, and I love them already, and they’re stuck with me.
I say that to my friends now, “you’ve stuck with me” because they are. Once I care about someone, there’s no going back. We are past the point of no return.
take care,
Jess :]
for wednesday
[one hundred, forty-five]
This is quite possibly the longest I have gone without writing a blog in over a hundred days and for that I apologise. My internet has been living in sketchville and I haven’t gotten around to posting these. I am actually writing them all in one night, so, that’s sort of cheating. I promise that on FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2011 I will resume the prompt blog postings, and they will be fantastic and witty and probably a lot more creative since I just randomly got over a couple week’s worth of writer’s block.
If you are wondering how I am, I am wonderful..ish. I am missing my university friends, and sort of missing my home friends, since I’ve hardly seen either in a little while. I am loving my relaxation at home time, and I dread my schoolwork every week, because it reminds me that I have actual responsibilities to attend to and that it takes me four hours to get through those at the rate that I read/write notes, so I get exhausted on those days. Other than that, I’m fabulous.
I kind of wanted to talk today about happiness, and what it means to be happy. I think that if there is someone or something that makes you happy, don’t give it up. It may not stay stable or the same for a long time, but it will continue to make you happy, so never give up, and never stop doing what you love, because quitter’s never win. I sound like an afterschool special, this was not intentional.
Does everyone hate my blogs? Someone tell me if they’re shit, please, I’d really like to know. And if you read this? GOLD STAR.
love,
Jess :]
This is quite possibly the longest I have gone without writing a blog in over a hundred days and for that I apologise. My internet has been living in sketchville and I haven’t gotten around to posting these. I am actually writing them all in one night, so, that’s sort of cheating. I promise that on FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2011 I will resume the prompt blog postings, and they will be fantastic and witty and probably a lot more creative since I just randomly got over a couple week’s worth of writer’s block.
If you are wondering how I am, I am wonderful..ish. I am missing my university friends, and sort of missing my home friends, since I’ve hardly seen either in a little while. I am loving my relaxation at home time, and I dread my schoolwork every week, because it reminds me that I have actual responsibilities to attend to and that it takes me four hours to get through those at the rate that I read/write notes, so I get exhausted on those days. Other than that, I’m fabulous.
I kind of wanted to talk today about happiness, and what it means to be happy. I think that if there is someone or something that makes you happy, don’t give it up. It may not stay stable or the same for a long time, but it will continue to make you happy, so never give up, and never stop doing what you love, because quitter’s never win. I sound like an afterschool special, this was not intentional.
Does everyone hate my blogs? Someone tell me if they’re shit, please, I’d really like to know. And if you read this? GOLD STAR.
love,
Jess :]
this is for tuesday
[one hundred, forty-four]
If it were stumbling he wanted, stumbling he did. I didn’t know really what he was saying, since his mouth was moving and I’m sure he said something but I was focusing on his teeth. That would sound peculiar, and it could sound quite normal. But, alas, I am not psychotic and not a dentist, so neither of those fit the missing piece of this puzzle. I was merely dazzled by the fact that they were white. Here we are, in a stingy bar, drinking rum and singing country songs, and he just has the whitest teeth. He just came out of the bathroom, and I sort of laughed because I was waiting in the other line but he was talking to me. Maybe it wasn’t me, after all, but it surely wasn;t to himself or his buddies. His eyes, I think, had the haziest, most distant look. I could’ve swarn he might’ve been talking to his dead grandma or the postman in some far off land, but he was still showing those pearly whites, and I could’ve sworn he was talking to me.
It is weird, when you’re in a bar, when you see all of these people. The people who probably did the same thing as you. They got ready, changed their clothes a bunch of times to look perfect, brushed their teeth so much it hurt, did their hair and burnt their hands on the way. Trembled into shoes they knew would hurt them by the end of the night. They got their drinks out and sat drinking with their friends, then called a cab and got to the bar late. It would be dark, but when you get in there it’s like everyone knows eachother, or you’re at a large house party where you don’t know too many people, but the guy right beside you smells like cologne and that is a nice smell so you kinda lean into him a little. It’s always a little packed, or not really, and if it’s inbetween you know you came on a bad night.
My favourite bar nights seem to be the nights where either: a)I am rather intoxicated and I end up dancing ALL NIGHT with my best friends, or b)I am rather intoxicated and spend the night listening to fabulous music and dying from laughing too hard with my best friends. I don’t think you can do it any other way, if you can I don’t know how, but I rather like my system the way it is.
Call me an alcoholic, I don’t really drink that much I just like the atmosphere mentioned above. If you’re not nineteen, probably a good thing, the bar may be cheap but it ain’t free. If you are nineteen, give me a call, we’ll go out, and I will laugh and sing and tell you “I LOVE THIS SONG” so any song really, as long as I love it... And there aren’t many that I don’t love (that’s a hyperbole, I clearly hate lots of songs.... I just love a lot as well) Have a lovely evening!
Jess :]
If it were stumbling he wanted, stumbling he did. I didn’t know really what he was saying, since his mouth was moving and I’m sure he said something but I was focusing on his teeth. That would sound peculiar, and it could sound quite normal. But, alas, I am not psychotic and not a dentist, so neither of those fit the missing piece of this puzzle. I was merely dazzled by the fact that they were white. Here we are, in a stingy bar, drinking rum and singing country songs, and he just has the whitest teeth. He just came out of the bathroom, and I sort of laughed because I was waiting in the other line but he was talking to me. Maybe it wasn’t me, after all, but it surely wasn;t to himself or his buddies. His eyes, I think, had the haziest, most distant look. I could’ve swarn he might’ve been talking to his dead grandma or the postman in some far off land, but he was still showing those pearly whites, and I could’ve sworn he was talking to me.
It is weird, when you’re in a bar, when you see all of these people. The people who probably did the same thing as you. They got ready, changed their clothes a bunch of times to look perfect, brushed their teeth so much it hurt, did their hair and burnt their hands on the way. Trembled into shoes they knew would hurt them by the end of the night. They got their drinks out and sat drinking with their friends, then called a cab and got to the bar late. It would be dark, but when you get in there it’s like everyone knows eachother, or you’re at a large house party where you don’t know too many people, but the guy right beside you smells like cologne and that is a nice smell so you kinda lean into him a little. It’s always a little packed, or not really, and if it’s inbetween you know you came on a bad night.
My favourite bar nights seem to be the nights where either: a)I am rather intoxicated and I end up dancing ALL NIGHT with my best friends, or b)I am rather intoxicated and spend the night listening to fabulous music and dying from laughing too hard with my best friends. I don’t think you can do it any other way, if you can I don’t know how, but I rather like my system the way it is.
Call me an alcoholic, I don’t really drink that much I just like the atmosphere mentioned above. If you’re not nineteen, probably a good thing, the bar may be cheap but it ain’t free. If you are nineteen, give me a call, we’ll go out, and I will laugh and sing and tell you “I LOVE THIS SONG” so any song really, as long as I love it... And there aren’t many that I don’t love (that’s a hyperbole, I clearly hate lots of songs.... I just love a lot as well) Have a lovely evening!
Jess :]
HONEY ITS TIME
[one hundred, forty-three]
Blazing the outskirts we sat seeing the sun set
Setting fire to the neighbourhood
Like jack’o’lanterns watching the streets
Walking the streets in the haze,
It was a fire which standards were high to get.
Swallowed in fear and forgotten foe,
The fire drew in deep breaths
That were stolen from us, in our time
In our walking sweeps stepping over the boundaries
And the burning engulfed the flow.
We sat seeing the sun set slowly,
Shivering slightly in the soft swinging light,
The town seemed to be glowing,
The frowns of the nights basked in shadows,
And drowned in flames, in charred ashes.
They knocked down the walls and the gates and the towers,
They took down the road signs,
We were left shuffling sweeping for hours,
But nobody left their houses that day,
The streets were bloody from the night’s dismay.
love,
Jess :]
Blazing the outskirts we sat seeing the sun set
Setting fire to the neighbourhood
Like jack’o’lanterns watching the streets
Walking the streets in the haze,
It was a fire which standards were high to get.
Swallowed in fear and forgotten foe,
The fire drew in deep breaths
That were stolen from us, in our time
In our walking sweeps stepping over the boundaries
And the burning engulfed the flow.
We sat seeing the sun set slowly,
Shivering slightly in the soft swinging light,
The town seemed to be glowing,
The frowns of the nights basked in shadows,
And drowned in flames, in charred ashes.
They knocked down the walls and the gates and the towers,
They took down the road signs,
We were left shuffling sweeping for hours,
But nobody left their houses that day,
The streets were bloody from the night’s dismay.
love,
Jess :]
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
fortytwo, fortythree,fortyfour
[one hundred, forty-two]
I am so late for these, and I feel like this will be the only one I can write tonight. I've been super busy with schoolwork today, and I was going to finish these and catch up, but I PROMISE to write three tomorrow. I'm learning about doo-wop and blues right now, and I learned about Les Paul, and Bing Crosby being incredible instigators in the history of music. I love music, I love this course, I love this so much.
I love you,
Jess :]
I am so late for these, and I feel like this will be the only one I can write tonight. I've been super busy with schoolwork today, and I was going to finish these and catch up, but I PROMISE to write three tomorrow. I'm learning about doo-wop and blues right now, and I learned about Les Paul, and Bing Crosby being incredible instigators in the history of music. I love music, I love this course, I love this so much.
I love you,
Jess :]
Monday, May 23, 2011
junebug
[one hundred, forty-one]
This is for Saturday.
I quite enjoy the beauty of the beach, I like it when it's warm and sunny and has a lovely fries shack right near where I lounge, or leg wrestle, or many of the other things that happen while at the beach. I love the beach, I love the water, I love falling asleep to the sound of the water, and the sound of the kids playing, and it is just wonderful. I want to spend my weekends this summer tanning and swimming, and now I want this to start now.
Too much rain lately, for the love of pete. It has rained for a couple of weeks straight.
I also want to have punch in a bowl with a little scoop and tiny cups. I want to have an office party where you are still in your formal wear for work but you're spending time with the people you see everyday.
I want to buy a new beach dress, something with nice pretty little shoes, and sunglasses, just like summer.
Listen to good music, like.... eighties glam, Amateur Hour, fantastic.
love,
Jess :]
1/4
This is for Saturday.
I quite enjoy the beauty of the beach, I like it when it's warm and sunny and has a lovely fries shack right near where I lounge, or leg wrestle, or many of the other things that happen while at the beach. I love the beach, I love the water, I love falling asleep to the sound of the water, and the sound of the kids playing, and it is just wonderful. I want to spend my weekends this summer tanning and swimming, and now I want this to start now.
Too much rain lately, for the love of pete. It has rained for a couple of weeks straight.
I also want to have punch in a bowl with a little scoop and tiny cups. I want to have an office party where you are still in your formal wear for work but you're spending time with the people you see everyday.
I want to buy a new beach dress, something with nice pretty little shoes, and sunglasses, just like summer.
Listen to good music, like.... eighties glam, Amateur Hour, fantastic.
love,
Jess :]
1/4
Friday, May 20, 2011
stressful vacations
[one hundred, forty]
I am about one third done the blog! That's insane! My apologies for mindless posts sometimes, but it's my blog, and I don't think there are set guidelines for writing a fnntastic blog. Usually, you start off with a short anectdote, and then continue on to a lesson or something interesting. I try that sometimes, other times I write a poem or a story, or I write from a different person's view, or I write a stream of consciousness, sometimes long sometimes short, angry sad, etc. I love this blog, and I don't care if there's bad posts or good posts, they're posts, I'm writing again, and that makes me happy.
I am so relaxed right now. I've sort of spent the morning doing a "spa" day, no baths or facials, although I'm thinking about doing a face mask now, but it has been a great morning! I've had a lot of orange juice, and I have cleaned and just been comfortable. I am spending the long weekend up at the cottage at the beach, it probably won't be fantastic weather but it's shorts weather right now so I'm happy for the moment! That's how it should be, just live moment to moment. Roll with the waves, dig what you like then and there and care about the next moment and a few after, but just remember that it's life, and nobody's perfect, but everybody has the opportunity to live, or should.
There's my stab at wisdom for the day, I'd just like to remind myself that I need to write three blogs on Monday, hah, so, hopefully I remember. I probably will, I usually tell one person everyday that I've written it, just to clarify that it's actually done!
Have a wonderful weekend! Take care, be safe!
Jess :]
I am about one third done the blog! That's insane! My apologies for mindless posts sometimes, but it's my blog, and I don't think there are set guidelines for writing a fnntastic blog. Usually, you start off with a short anectdote, and then continue on to a lesson or something interesting. I try that sometimes, other times I write a poem or a story, or I write from a different person's view, or I write a stream of consciousness, sometimes long sometimes short, angry sad, etc. I love this blog, and I don't care if there's bad posts or good posts, they're posts, I'm writing again, and that makes me happy.
I am so relaxed right now. I've sort of spent the morning doing a "spa" day, no baths or facials, although I'm thinking about doing a face mask now, but it has been a great morning! I've had a lot of orange juice, and I have cleaned and just been comfortable. I am spending the long weekend up at the cottage at the beach, it probably won't be fantastic weather but it's shorts weather right now so I'm happy for the moment! That's how it should be, just live moment to moment. Roll with the waves, dig what you like then and there and care about the next moment and a few after, but just remember that it's life, and nobody's perfect, but everybody has the opportunity to live, or should.
There's my stab at wisdom for the day, I'd just like to remind myself that I need to write three blogs on Monday, hah, so, hopefully I remember. I probably will, I usually tell one person everyday that I've written it, just to clarify that it's actually done!
Have a wonderful weekend! Take care, be safe!
Jess :]
Thursday, May 19, 2011
refreshments
[one hundred, thirty-nine]
When things are dipped in water they become soggy, and lately it has seemed like the entire city has been constantly dipped, dropped, and drowned in water. It has hardly stopped raining for anything in the past week, let alone let anything dry. The grass is disgusting, the streets have puddles, the windows are covered in water, it seems as though April blizzards have brought May showers, which means June will have late flowers blooming, July will be moderately warm, and then just in time to go back to school will August ring in the warmest weather of the season! My weather predictions, anyway.
I feel like the rain has prevented me from being outside of my house, or any building. I feel prompted to stay inside and watch the food network and drink tea. The rain makes me happy that it isn't snow, but the rain never ends... I've been listening to this song called 'psychotic girl' by the Black Keys, it's got the mellowed out feelings that I feel lately.
But my internet has finally complied! I feel like amongst all of these blues that I've been experiencing lately, the internet threw me a bone (contrary to the poem that I wrote a couple of days ago). I have finally downloaded new music, and movies, and it feels so nice. I also recomend tumblr to anyone who wants to get into a soft blog site that helps you really find what you like. If you're on a search, that is.
Despite the rain and the gloomy internet happenings, I've found myself in relatively good spirits. I've been having sleeping problems again, but that'll get settled out soon enough. I'm finally at a place where I like, sort of enough anyway, and this weekend couldn't be coming at a better time to relax and have a tiny vacation. Therefore, I'm writing three blogs on Monday, since I won't be able to be on the internet all weekend, my apologies.
So if you are having a blue day with the humid and the rain, or a soft day like tumblr or the black keys, I hope this evening brings delight! I'm making pizza with my family, which really excites me.
best of love,
Jess :]
When things are dipped in water they become soggy, and lately it has seemed like the entire city has been constantly dipped, dropped, and drowned in water. It has hardly stopped raining for anything in the past week, let alone let anything dry. The grass is disgusting, the streets have puddles, the windows are covered in water, it seems as though April blizzards have brought May showers, which means June will have late flowers blooming, July will be moderately warm, and then just in time to go back to school will August ring in the warmest weather of the season! My weather predictions, anyway.
I feel like the rain has prevented me from being outside of my house, or any building. I feel prompted to stay inside and watch the food network and drink tea. The rain makes me happy that it isn't snow, but the rain never ends... I've been listening to this song called 'psychotic girl' by the Black Keys, it's got the mellowed out feelings that I feel lately.
But my internet has finally complied! I feel like amongst all of these blues that I've been experiencing lately, the internet threw me a bone (contrary to the poem that I wrote a couple of days ago). I have finally downloaded new music, and movies, and it feels so nice. I also recomend tumblr to anyone who wants to get into a soft blog site that helps you really find what you like. If you're on a search, that is.
Despite the rain and the gloomy internet happenings, I've found myself in relatively good spirits. I've been having sleeping problems again, but that'll get settled out soon enough. I'm finally at a place where I like, sort of enough anyway, and this weekend couldn't be coming at a better time to relax and have a tiny vacation. Therefore, I'm writing three blogs on Monday, since I won't be able to be on the internet all weekend, my apologies.
So if you are having a blue day with the humid and the rain, or a soft day like tumblr or the black keys, I hope this evening brings delight! I'm making pizza with my family, which really excites me.
best of love,
Jess :]
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
better idea, let's make smores
[one hundred, thirty eight]
During the beginning months of this blog I had lots of lovely advice, heartwarming issue attention and all sorts of words of semi-wisdom. Lately I've just been talking about things that matter to me and things that bother me and instead of telling everyone to do something I've just been talking about myself. I don't really know what else to write about lately, it's like my own inspiration has fizzled into dust. I wish I could write more.
I wish I could write more inspiring sort of things, like about my surgeries, but I don't want to subject myself to that. I can't see, people, and it's sort of frustrating and tiring and sad, but it's also sort of not a total bad thing, I know that I can do everything that I want to, it's just gonna be a longer road than usual.
I feel like eating hummus, does anyone else like hummus? I love it. I remember this one time sitting out front of blockbuster in the rain eating hummus, that was the best, it was a really good day. I also remember this day eating it at highschool, it was good too. Good times.
I also think fruit loops is the breakfast of champions. They are delicious, and always make you smile, and can always get you ready for the day. It is probably a fake statistic, but it has been studied that if you see a smile first thing in the morning you will be in a better mood. It has also been studied that if you laugh heartilly for fifteen minutes a day you will add seven years onto your life. I wouldn't believe these statistics either, but what's the harm in believing in it? It's not terrible advice, it's not terrible to laugh or be happy.
So just be.
love,
Jess :]
During the beginning months of this blog I had lots of lovely advice, heartwarming issue attention and all sorts of words of semi-wisdom. Lately I've just been talking about things that matter to me and things that bother me and instead of telling everyone to do something I've just been talking about myself. I don't really know what else to write about lately, it's like my own inspiration has fizzled into dust. I wish I could write more.
I wish I could write more inspiring sort of things, like about my surgeries, but I don't want to subject myself to that. I can't see, people, and it's sort of frustrating and tiring and sad, but it's also sort of not a total bad thing, I know that I can do everything that I want to, it's just gonna be a longer road than usual.
I feel like eating hummus, does anyone else like hummus? I love it. I remember this one time sitting out front of blockbuster in the rain eating hummus, that was the best, it was a really good day. I also remember this day eating it at highschool, it was good too. Good times.
I also think fruit loops is the breakfast of champions. They are delicious, and always make you smile, and can always get you ready for the day. It is probably a fake statistic, but it has been studied that if you see a smile first thing in the morning you will be in a better mood. It has also been studied that if you laugh heartilly for fifteen minutes a day you will add seven years onto your life. I wouldn't believe these statistics either, but what's the harm in believing in it? It's not terrible advice, it's not terrible to laugh or be happy.
So just be.
love,
Jess :]
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
let's chat hun,
[one hundred, thirty seven]
My internet is being a drag,
it totally isn't radical,
I think that it mellows my flow,
could not be less groovy.
my internet never throws me a bone,
when I need it to just be there,
with open arms,
waiting for me to get on and play.
my internet is a bummer,
it hurts my feelings when it turns itself off,
it hurts my feelings that it works everywhere else,
it's a prejudiced piece of shit.
my internet chooses my family above me,
and it makes me sad,
I think it is mad because I left,
and now that I'm back there's no way it could be the same.
my internet sucks.
love,
Jess :]
My internet is being a drag,
it totally isn't radical,
I think that it mellows my flow,
could not be less groovy.
my internet never throws me a bone,
when I need it to just be there,
with open arms,
waiting for me to get on and play.
my internet is a bummer,
it hurts my feelings when it turns itself off,
it hurts my feelings that it works everywhere else,
it's a prejudiced piece of shit.
my internet chooses my family above me,
and it makes me sad,
I think it is mad because I left,
and now that I'm back there's no way it could be the same.
my internet sucks.
love,
Jess :]
Monday, May 16, 2011
lay your hands on me
[one hundred, thirty six]
I have the best frinds in the world, and I love them all and will defend them until the ends of the earth. If you have ever had my back, held me when I cried, listened to my insanity, brought me food, heard my laughter, you are such a necesity to my life that I intend to let every one of you know it personally. This is just me letting everyone know that friends are so important in your life. You have your family, and they're stuck with you through and through no choices. Friends are people who choose to be there for you no matter what, and those ones are the ones worth keeping. I amy not be the ebst or smartest or funniest friend, or the coolest or skinniest or prettiest, or happiest or closest, but by gosh do I try my ass off to be there for people, and to cheer them up, and to give hugs and provide anything anyone needs. I love people, and I think that everyone in the world deserves a hug tonight. Hug someone for me, cause I'd love to be hugging everyone right now. Now on the safe side of not sounding creepy, I wish everyone a lovely evening, and I hope that you have been hugged recently, because you're awesome and you deserve it.
love to all,
Jess :]
I have the best frinds in the world, and I love them all and will defend them until the ends of the earth. If you have ever had my back, held me when I cried, listened to my insanity, brought me food, heard my laughter, you are such a necesity to my life that I intend to let every one of you know it personally. This is just me letting everyone know that friends are so important in your life. You have your family, and they're stuck with you through and through no choices. Friends are people who choose to be there for you no matter what, and those ones are the ones worth keeping. I amy not be the ebst or smartest or funniest friend, or the coolest or skinniest or prettiest, or happiest or closest, but by gosh do I try my ass off to be there for people, and to cheer them up, and to give hugs and provide anything anyone needs. I love people, and I think that everyone in the world deserves a hug tonight. Hug someone for me, cause I'd love to be hugging everyone right now. Now on the safe side of not sounding creepy, I wish everyone a lovely evening, and I hope that you have been hugged recently, because you're awesome and you deserve it.
love to all,
Jess :]
the boonies
[one hundred, thirty-five]
I have this feeling that food in any shape or form is the death of me. Maybe also the death of the population of America, but mainly me. I love it. I love it all. Well not all of it, I mean I don't like olives, or spaghetti really, or V8 juice, but the food that I do like I love a lot. I like nice food that is yummy and delicious.
I think that ever since I decided that I didn't wanna eat a whole bunch of sugar and fat and stuff I feel better about myself. I don't eat snack food everyday like I used to, and if I do it's in the shape and form of an oatmeal cookie or something really awesome like that. I have just decided that my body has given me so much that it deserves a little better than gross sugar.
Like grease, fries are friggen delicious but it's so much grease it's terrible for my skin. I'm doing this new thing called hardly ever thinking about it. It may seem depressing, but I literally haven't even though of fries until yesterday when I planned on going to the movies tomorrow, and I decided that I'm gonig to treat myself and get fries. I am so excited for this because greasy food is something that I do love but do not let myself eat often.
Ever since I had the gall bladder surgery I feel like I have all of this freedom with food, and since I decided to be healthier it's like I don't use the freedom to its full potential. I'l get used to it I'm sure.
Sorry this is incredibly late, my internet's been flaky. Another to come in a couple of minutes!
take care until then!
Jess :]
I have this feeling that food in any shape or form is the death of me. Maybe also the death of the population of America, but mainly me. I love it. I love it all. Well not all of it, I mean I don't like olives, or spaghetti really, or V8 juice, but the food that I do like I love a lot. I like nice food that is yummy and delicious.
I think that ever since I decided that I didn't wanna eat a whole bunch of sugar and fat and stuff I feel better about myself. I don't eat snack food everyday like I used to, and if I do it's in the shape and form of an oatmeal cookie or something really awesome like that. I have just decided that my body has given me so much that it deserves a little better than gross sugar.
Like grease, fries are friggen delicious but it's so much grease it's terrible for my skin. I'm doing this new thing called hardly ever thinking about it. It may seem depressing, but I literally haven't even though of fries until yesterday when I planned on going to the movies tomorrow, and I decided that I'm gonig to treat myself and get fries. I am so excited for this because greasy food is something that I do love but do not let myself eat often.
Ever since I had the gall bladder surgery I feel like I have all of this freedom with food, and since I decided to be healthier it's like I don't use the freedom to its full potential. I'l get used to it I'm sure.
Sorry this is incredibly late, my internet's been flaky. Another to come in a couple of minutes!
take care until then!
Jess :]
Saturday, May 14, 2011
fourteen, fifteen. I think only fourteen.
[one hundred, thirty four]
I am getting a night guard on Monday, and it is for my jaw so I don't get any more bruises, because at night when I get stressed or insomnia I grind my teeth during the times when I actually sleep. This causes everything in my head to throb, and therefore I gave myself an ultimatum: I was going to get a mouth guard-type thing for night time sleeping, or I was going to start actually crying myself to sleep from the pain. I chose the prior, and here I am, actually excited for the night guard.
I never had braces, so I never got a retainer or anything remotely normal from the dentist... So I was sort of excited to get the news that a night guard was an option. I want something that I can have in a cute little case, and then put in at night. Not only will it help me feel like I didn't miss out on a teenage experience, but it'll help make my jaw feel better.
I've had this thing my entire life that I always wanted to be an average teenager. I wanted to have a messy room and leftover dance tickets. I wanted to have binders that were messy and skip classes. I wanted to go to Prom and hate it and love it. I wanted everything that high school students usually had. After I was diagnosed with my eye condition, I tried even harder to accomplish this. I spent my entire four years of high school making sure that I did this and forgetting at the same time to do just that.
Turns out by the end of grade twelve I had a messy room, so many memories in form of pictures and brochures and bags and all of those kinds of things. I have the best prom ever, I had the best friends ever, and I hardly regretted anything at all. I guess this mouth guard night thing will just add to the end of my teenage years, the final thing on the teenage to do list? Choose a university and move away from home...
Check!
On to the next chapter of my life I guess, sort of excited for that too. Transition periods aren't the best sometimes, but atleast it's getting easier to know who I am.
love, always,
Jess :]
I am getting a night guard on Monday, and it is for my jaw so I don't get any more bruises, because at night when I get stressed or insomnia I grind my teeth during the times when I actually sleep. This causes everything in my head to throb, and therefore I gave myself an ultimatum: I was going to get a mouth guard-type thing for night time sleeping, or I was going to start actually crying myself to sleep from the pain. I chose the prior, and here I am, actually excited for the night guard.
I never had braces, so I never got a retainer or anything remotely normal from the dentist... So I was sort of excited to get the news that a night guard was an option. I want something that I can have in a cute little case, and then put in at night. Not only will it help me feel like I didn't miss out on a teenage experience, but it'll help make my jaw feel better.
I've had this thing my entire life that I always wanted to be an average teenager. I wanted to have a messy room and leftover dance tickets. I wanted to have binders that were messy and skip classes. I wanted to go to Prom and hate it and love it. I wanted everything that high school students usually had. After I was diagnosed with my eye condition, I tried even harder to accomplish this. I spent my entire four years of high school making sure that I did this and forgetting at the same time to do just that.
Turns out by the end of grade twelve I had a messy room, so many memories in form of pictures and brochures and bags and all of those kinds of things. I have the best prom ever, I had the best friends ever, and I hardly regretted anything at all. I guess this mouth guard night thing will just add to the end of my teenage years, the final thing on the teenage to do list? Choose a university and move away from home...
Check!
On to the next chapter of my life I guess, sort of excited for that too. Transition periods aren't the best sometimes, but atleast it's getting easier to know who I am.
love, always,
Jess :]
thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.
[one hundred, thirty-three]
He was wondering why the windows weren’t big enough; why did they even have curtains; why was he here in the first place? The entire drive up there was hardly any focus on conversation, that girls had complained about the air conditioning being broken and the humidity and the lack of trail mix, but there wasn’t much for him to complain about until now. The window, with their clear glass lightly punctured with raindrops and smears were the size of a torso, the size of an average, lack-of-interest window. He could tell that this would be tres disappointing.
There wasn’t much else to complain about really, other than the windows’s size, the only other relatively bad thing would be that the cottage was so close to the water. It wasn’t like Brian was afraid of the water, it was just that he had never really been a big fan of large portions of water with no end in sight. Swimming pools were okay, bathtubs were spectacular, but anything like oceans lakes rivers, nothing could be entered nothing could even be talked about without severe breathing issues that caused him to hyperventilate and seriously damage his ability to focus or do anything in particular. Brian was not a fan of water, and it was wonderful that Judy did.
That was the thing with Judy though and Brian knew it, it was like she wanted to be with him really bad, but she loved everything that he hated. She loved the water, she loved her job in the cubicle office space, she loved wearing belts and chewing on the straws of every drink she could get her hands on. Sometimes he figured she did all of this in spite, but he had to come to accept that they were hardly compatible. He loved the sky, he loved the stars and the clouds and everything found above them. Brian loved large open rooms with high ceilings and licorice stubs used as straws. Brian and Judy weren’t the closest couple in the cottage, or the most obviously matched, or the most cohesive...
Sitting on the edge of the deck a good ways away from the water where the girls were frolicking and Derrik was playing along with them, Brian was sitting cradling a beer in the crook of his arm. He had his notebook on his knees, and he was swiftly noting the stars that appeared first as the sun fell from its tag in the sky. Condensation from the beer was leaking onto his grey sweatshirt, but he ignored it as he didn’t want to miss the first Introduction. That’s what he called it when the stars first kissed the sky, their Introduction, especially in new places. This being their first night at the cottage he assumed that he’d get to know these stars very well, learn their history a bit, know them better than he knew Judy, probably.
This ^ happened when I was upset and fed up one day so it's not beautifully worded, it's not even the closest to how I want the story to go, but it's got some ideas and character stuff that I wanted. I write in steps, and the first step is to hammer out the story and the characters and how I want them to be.
Take care,
Jess
He was wondering why the windows weren’t big enough; why did they even have curtains; why was he here in the first place? The entire drive up there was hardly any focus on conversation, that girls had complained about the air conditioning being broken and the humidity and the lack of trail mix, but there wasn’t much for him to complain about until now. The window, with their clear glass lightly punctured with raindrops and smears were the size of a torso, the size of an average, lack-of-interest window. He could tell that this would be tres disappointing.
There wasn’t much else to complain about really, other than the windows’s size, the only other relatively bad thing would be that the cottage was so close to the water. It wasn’t like Brian was afraid of the water, it was just that he had never really been a big fan of large portions of water with no end in sight. Swimming pools were okay, bathtubs were spectacular, but anything like oceans lakes rivers, nothing could be entered nothing could even be talked about without severe breathing issues that caused him to hyperventilate and seriously damage his ability to focus or do anything in particular. Brian was not a fan of water, and it was wonderful that Judy did.
That was the thing with Judy though and Brian knew it, it was like she wanted to be with him really bad, but she loved everything that he hated. She loved the water, she loved her job in the cubicle office space, she loved wearing belts and chewing on the straws of every drink she could get her hands on. Sometimes he figured she did all of this in spite, but he had to come to accept that they were hardly compatible. He loved the sky, he loved the stars and the clouds and everything found above them. Brian loved large open rooms with high ceilings and licorice stubs used as straws. Brian and Judy weren’t the closest couple in the cottage, or the most obviously matched, or the most cohesive...
Sitting on the edge of the deck a good ways away from the water where the girls were frolicking and Derrik was playing along with them, Brian was sitting cradling a beer in the crook of his arm. He had his notebook on his knees, and he was swiftly noting the stars that appeared first as the sun fell from its tag in the sky. Condensation from the beer was leaking onto his grey sweatshirt, but he ignored it as he didn’t want to miss the first Introduction. That’s what he called it when the stars first kissed the sky, their Introduction, especially in new places. This being their first night at the cottage he assumed that he’d get to know these stars very well, learn their history a bit, know them better than he knew Judy, probably.
This ^ happened when I was upset and fed up one day so it's not beautifully worded, it's not even the closest to how I want the story to go, but it's got some ideas and character stuff that I wanted. I write in steps, and the first step is to hammer out the story and the characters and how I want them to be.
Take care,
Jess
twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
[one hundred, thirty=two]
Blogger hasn't been working really for the past couple of days, so for the love of pete I have to write three of these today... Should be wonderful reads for you since I have NO inspiration. How about a lil' rant on annoyance.
I'm sick and tired of people asking stupid questions. Why can't everyone just know what I'm talking about? Stop trying to be funny, stop trying to be witty. Stop trying to ask and know everything about my life. I friggen hate when people just talk about me, go away, I don't care. Let's talk about something important like politics or music or the unrest in the world, like, seriously, so sick of it.
I would really enjoy it if the next entry doesn't suck like this one, we'll see. Maybe I'll just put in a bit of the story I've been writing.
until five minutes from now,
Jess
Blogger hasn't been working really for the past couple of days, so for the love of pete I have to write three of these today... Should be wonderful reads for you since I have NO inspiration. How about a lil' rant on annoyance.
I'm sick and tired of people asking stupid questions. Why can't everyone just know what I'm talking about? Stop trying to be funny, stop trying to be witty. Stop trying to ask and know everything about my life. I friggen hate when people just talk about me, go away, I don't care. Let's talk about something important like politics or music or the unrest in the world, like, seriously, so sick of it.
I would really enjoy it if the next entry doesn't suck like this one, we'll see. Maybe I'll just put in a bit of the story I've been writing.
until five minutes from now,
Jess
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I got a song to sing
[one hundred, thirty-one]
Isn't the best feeling in the world discovering a song you haven't heard in forever? There was a Guess who song that I hadn't heard in so long that I just played over and over again because it was just so fantastic to listen to. It's just like if you pull out an old nineties mix, you just gotta listen to it and chill and remember the stuff you did when this music was fabulous, although it probably still is.
If there is anything I've being doiing this month on this blog, it would be recalling memories. I find it kind of depressing, and almost want to talk about something more current. Like today, I realised that math is redundant in my life other than finding percents, budgetting, sometimes figuring out tazes and addition and subtraction. I think that all of the bs I learned in highschool math classes couldn't have helped me less in life, since we touched on nothing to do with budget management like we were supposed to, or percents. I think that math is so stupid, that is all.
I also think that some of the other things you learn in school are redundant. Like handwriting, why both? Just teach typing again, it makes more sense. I mean, obviously printing is important for learning letters and a lot of people still write cards and letters and take notes freehand, but a lot of things, this blog, for example, are done electronically, and that's the way I prefer for obvious blind reasons, but nonetheless, why oh why put the poor children through handwriting? Discipline? 'Cause that just sounds stupid to me.
Just checking in to reality for a minute, I've been keeping a lot of things to myself lately. I've been sharing a lot less to a lot more people, and I've found it more intimate and perfect for me. I've been spending my days reading, which is wonderful, and chatting with friends, and finding movies, but alas, class starts tomorrow. I am actually looking forward to it so badly.
So if you are spending time with family, doing homework, working, relaxing, sleeping, or whatever else, I hope you are enjoying it, because that's the only way to go, bro.
ta ta!
Jess :]
Isn't the best feeling in the world discovering a song you haven't heard in forever? There was a Guess who song that I hadn't heard in so long that I just played over and over again because it was just so fantastic to listen to. It's just like if you pull out an old nineties mix, you just gotta listen to it and chill and remember the stuff you did when this music was fabulous, although it probably still is.
If there is anything I've being doiing this month on this blog, it would be recalling memories. I find it kind of depressing, and almost want to talk about something more current. Like today, I realised that math is redundant in my life other than finding percents, budgetting, sometimes figuring out tazes and addition and subtraction. I think that all of the bs I learned in highschool math classes couldn't have helped me less in life, since we touched on nothing to do with budget management like we were supposed to, or percents. I think that math is so stupid, that is all.
I also think that some of the other things you learn in school are redundant. Like handwriting, why both? Just teach typing again, it makes more sense. I mean, obviously printing is important for learning letters and a lot of people still write cards and letters and take notes freehand, but a lot of things, this blog, for example, are done electronically, and that's the way I prefer for obvious blind reasons, but nonetheless, why oh why put the poor children through handwriting? Discipline? 'Cause that just sounds stupid to me.
Just checking in to reality for a minute, I've been keeping a lot of things to myself lately. I've been sharing a lot less to a lot more people, and I've found it more intimate and perfect for me. I've been spending my days reading, which is wonderful, and chatting with friends, and finding movies, but alas, class starts tomorrow. I am actually looking forward to it so badly.
So if you are spending time with family, doing homework, working, relaxing, sleeping, or whatever else, I hope you are enjoying it, because that's the only way to go, bro.
ta ta!
Jess :]
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
now let me tell you somethin'
[one hundred, thirty]
My favourite food in the world is ice cream. My favourite kinds are chocolate with brownies or peanut butter, and vanilla, and preleines and cream. I love when they come in cones, but I actually like it better when it comes in a little dish with the spoons because I love the spoons. The spoons have a shallow dip in the middle that are fun to run your tongue into, and it keeps the ice cream in a circle-y shape when you scoop. I think it puts the fun in ice cream, or the real-ness that there is a spoon. When you're holding a cone, it gets all over your hands, but with a spoon you have order, control.
I have this thing about making a schedule and keeping to it, I manage my time accordingly. I hate hate hate being late, and I hate when plans don't happen on time or work out even remotely close to the way they were originally supposed to. I feel like when life turns out to be ice cream in a cone it just gets all over your hands and is sticky and annoying and disappointing, but when it comes with the spoon the dish keeps everything in order. I don't think that's why I love ice cream, but it's a good way of showing how things bother me.
I feel like people don't realise how much I plan my time. I don't usually have a curfew, but I will make a time when I need to be home usually because I'll have things to do at home and I know when I'll be tired etc. I think that people think I should chill more and go with the flow and play it by year, but truthfully it frustrates me when there's no plans....'cause nothing gets done.
I do give time for letting things happen on their own, to having an adventure to under planning, but it's usually disappointing. Unless there is something with a plan nothing ever, ever gets done. If you wanna fight with me we should plan for no plans next time we hang out and I won't make any decisions or plans and we'll see how fun it'll be. Sick and tired of fighting with people about this.
But anyways, I wish I had a small dish of ice cream now, way to go.
relationship status: still with the blog...
take care,
Jess :]
My favourite food in the world is ice cream. My favourite kinds are chocolate with brownies or peanut butter, and vanilla, and preleines and cream. I love when they come in cones, but I actually like it better when it comes in a little dish with the spoons because I love the spoons. The spoons have a shallow dip in the middle that are fun to run your tongue into, and it keeps the ice cream in a circle-y shape when you scoop. I think it puts the fun in ice cream, or the real-ness that there is a spoon. When you're holding a cone, it gets all over your hands, but with a spoon you have order, control.
I have this thing about making a schedule and keeping to it, I manage my time accordingly. I hate hate hate being late, and I hate when plans don't happen on time or work out even remotely close to the way they were originally supposed to. I feel like when life turns out to be ice cream in a cone it just gets all over your hands and is sticky and annoying and disappointing, but when it comes with the spoon the dish keeps everything in order. I don't think that's why I love ice cream, but it's a good way of showing how things bother me.
I feel like people don't realise how much I plan my time. I don't usually have a curfew, but I will make a time when I need to be home usually because I'll have things to do at home and I know when I'll be tired etc. I think that people think I should chill more and go with the flow and play it by year, but truthfully it frustrates me when there's no plans....'cause nothing gets done.
I do give time for letting things happen on their own, to having an adventure to under planning, but it's usually disappointing. Unless there is something with a plan nothing ever, ever gets done. If you wanna fight with me we should plan for no plans next time we hang out and I won't make any decisions or plans and we'll see how fun it'll be. Sick and tired of fighting with people about this.
But anyways, I wish I had a small dish of ice cream now, way to go.
relationship status: still with the blog...
take care,
Jess :]
Monday, May 9, 2011
burnt to a crisp
[one hundred, twenty-nine]
I have a huge pet peeve of people makin stupid insulting jokes just to be funny. I think that tigers and giraffes are the best animal. I get louder once you know me. I collect everything. I think the world of my friends. If I start to care about you once it's not going away, ever. I collect reindeer stuffed animals and polar bears for Christmas time. I wear sunglasses inside a lot. I think corny jokes are hilarious and usually laugh at them all. I love to draw robots who give peace signs. I hate lip piercings. I still sleep with my stuffed teddy bear, Isabelle. I am glued to my phone a lot because it helps me feel less lonely. I would rather be hugged than kissed. I hate to wear socks. My favourite food is ice cream. My favourite meal is breakfasy. I used to hate the colour yellow and now I love it. I love whales. I absolutely love the beach. I have four homes: my house, the beach, Ceara's house, my place at school. I love comic books, comic book movies, but I don't read them. I adore Harry Potter but don't talk about it often because I get in fights and yell and get snobby. My room is always either too hot or too cold. I am always too hot or too cold. I love having clutter. I love having an abundance of books. I love buying new anything. I've begun to say bro way too much. I have changed so much since I started highschool. I have so many flaws. I wish people loved people more. I sponsor a project in Nepal for chld prostitution and slavery help. I meditate occaisionally. I am just weird and quirky without trying unlike some people. I don't need to make people laugh for them to want to be around me. When I like someone I tell them, when someone likes me I hardly believe them. It takes me a while to register things as real/reality. When I spend time with my family I try to be physically close with them in order to make sure every minute counts. My sister is one of my absolute best friends and I love her so much and I am so happy that we are as close as we are now. I wish I was nicer to some people. I have few regrets. I used to cut myself a long time ago and sometimes may when I get really really really upset about something. I want to live my life like I want, and be who I want, and love everyone, and be happy and smile but be sad and flawed; I want to be.
love to all,
Jess :]
I have a huge pet peeve of people makin stupid insulting jokes just to be funny. I think that tigers and giraffes are the best animal. I get louder once you know me. I collect everything. I think the world of my friends. If I start to care about you once it's not going away, ever. I collect reindeer stuffed animals and polar bears for Christmas time. I wear sunglasses inside a lot. I think corny jokes are hilarious and usually laugh at them all. I love to draw robots who give peace signs. I hate lip piercings. I still sleep with my stuffed teddy bear, Isabelle. I am glued to my phone a lot because it helps me feel less lonely. I would rather be hugged than kissed. I hate to wear socks. My favourite food is ice cream. My favourite meal is breakfasy. I used to hate the colour yellow and now I love it. I love whales. I absolutely love the beach. I have four homes: my house, the beach, Ceara's house, my place at school. I love comic books, comic book movies, but I don't read them. I adore Harry Potter but don't talk about it often because I get in fights and yell and get snobby. My room is always either too hot or too cold. I am always too hot or too cold. I love having clutter. I love having an abundance of books. I love buying new anything. I've begun to say bro way too much. I have changed so much since I started highschool. I have so many flaws. I wish people loved people more. I sponsor a project in Nepal for chld prostitution and slavery help. I meditate occaisionally. I am just weird and quirky without trying unlike some people. I don't need to make people laugh for them to want to be around me. When I like someone I tell them, when someone likes me I hardly believe them. It takes me a while to register things as real/reality. When I spend time with my family I try to be physically close with them in order to make sure every minute counts. My sister is one of my absolute best friends and I love her so much and I am so happy that we are as close as we are now. I wish I was nicer to some people. I have few regrets. I used to cut myself a long time ago and sometimes may when I get really really really upset about something. I want to live my life like I want, and be who I want, and love everyone, and be happy and smile but be sad and flawed; I want to be.
love to all,
Jess :]
Sunday, May 8, 2011
HIGH VOLTAGE
[one hundred, twenty-eight]
I never ever make the title of my blog posts related to what I'm writing, which I find funny, it's because I write the title, I put the number down, and then I sit there for a minute, thinking of what to talk about. I usually have no idea, and I just let my fingers roll over the keys until something relatively okay comes out, some days it's fantastic other days it's just swill like today, talkin' about the title.
Sometimes they're just plain old song lyrics, usually the last song I was listening to or the lyric that's stuck in my head. Sometimes I make them up on the spot or they're things that I say, that I think sound interesting or really nice or funny. Usually they have nothing to do what I'm talking about, anyway.
If there is one thing that I hate about wearing clothes, it is that they always look better not on you. Or that they are resztricting when you sleep. Or they are either too hot or cold or a weird temperature all the time. Or if yo get them dirty it's impossible to clean right on the spot. Or if you like them one day in looks you'll hate them another. I don't think clothing, and I hate how appearances are judged so strongly on the appearance of people's clothes.
I would like to just say that if I was going to say something about HIGH VOLTAGE, it would be that I wish every day of the year had a thunderstorm that knocked the power out. There was this one time a couple years ago when there was a huge storm that knocked the power out, and we had rolling black outs for about two to three days, and we ran around the street (I was a lot younger then) and had bonfires and ate ice cream before it melted and tiki torches and it was so incredible, I wisht things like that happened more often.
I also want to go to Greece, asap.
That is all,
Jess :]
I never ever make the title of my blog posts related to what I'm writing, which I find funny, it's because I write the title, I put the number down, and then I sit there for a minute, thinking of what to talk about. I usually have no idea, and I just let my fingers roll over the keys until something relatively okay comes out, some days it's fantastic other days it's just swill like today, talkin' about the title.
Sometimes they're just plain old song lyrics, usually the last song I was listening to or the lyric that's stuck in my head. Sometimes I make them up on the spot or they're things that I say, that I think sound interesting or really nice or funny. Usually they have nothing to do what I'm talking about, anyway.
If there is one thing that I hate about wearing clothes, it is that they always look better not on you. Or that they are resztricting when you sleep. Or they are either too hot or cold or a weird temperature all the time. Or if yo get them dirty it's impossible to clean right on the spot. Or if you like them one day in looks you'll hate them another. I don't think clothing, and I hate how appearances are judged so strongly on the appearance of people's clothes.
I would like to just say that if I was going to say something about HIGH VOLTAGE, it would be that I wish every day of the year had a thunderstorm that knocked the power out. There was this one time a couple years ago when there was a huge storm that knocked the power out, and we had rolling black outs for about two to three days, and we ran around the street (I was a lot younger then) and had bonfires and ate ice cream before it melted and tiki torches and it was so incredible, I wisht things like that happened more often.
I also want to go to Greece, asap.
That is all,
Jess :]
Saturday, May 7, 2011
hate me today
[one hundred, twenty-seven]
Truly, honestly, I worry. I love I care, but most of all I worry. I don't sleep, I send my thoughts my believing my heart everything into strength for anyone who needs it. I do not pray, but I do send the best thoughts the best strong thoughts. If you read this, please, please send good thoughts to one of my closest friends. I can't say why, but he needs it right now, he needs every good vibe, every smile, every heart-warm-love-filled intention toward him right now. This moment, right now.
I believe in the people who I love, and care about, and I know that he will be fine, and that everyone I know will support him regardless of anything that has happened in the past. I love you.
love,
Jess :]
Truly, honestly, I worry. I love I care, but most of all I worry. I don't sleep, I send my thoughts my believing my heart everything into strength for anyone who needs it. I do not pray, but I do send the best thoughts the best strong thoughts. If you read this, please, please send good thoughts to one of my closest friends. I can't say why, but he needs it right now, he needs every good vibe, every smile, every heart-warm-love-filled intention toward him right now. This moment, right now.
I believe in the people who I love, and care about, and I know that he will be fine, and that everyone I know will support him regardless of anything that has happened in the past. I love you.
love,
Jess :]
chicken fried
[one hundred, twenty-six]
The night is darkest before the dawn.
You can't feel true happiness if you have not yet felt pain/sadness.
I have this theory that if you are loved enough, or if you yourself love enough, then you are on the surefire path to success, regardless of what you do in life or your values or ideals. People put too much emphasis on your values, understandable though since those are the ideals that are most important to you, but wouldn't it make more sense to form those values around things that you love, are passionate about, but they can be tangible? I've said it many times that I can't stand people who don't have an op[inion, but it's even more irritating if people are closed minded.
Open your eyes, open your mind, open the doors.
If you want to get anywhere you have to be subject to compromise, that being on the road, in education, in life in general there is not one path one plan that you follow. Some people are dangerously misguided in the fact that they can be at a comfortable area in their life on the same routine everyday. You won't meet the love of your life just going to class, taking notes, sitting silently, and leaving everyday. You need to make an effort, but if that is your ideal to just demand success on schoolwork, than that's cool. But what if your soulmate is sitting beside you in calculus and you never even ask him the time? Start a conversation, take a risk, it's worht it.
What have ya got to lose?
I have this feeling that lately I've been taking risks, and have had an open mind towards new things such as religion, but even more liberal practises and education. I have an inkling to start researching, to witness and experience new things. I want to be, I want to live I want to breathe new experiences. I want to take life and hold its hand and be there, in the moment. I want to take opportunities and try new things. I encourage you all to do the same, but to be honest, it's terrifying, so I don't know if that'll be the safest route, especially if you're still looking for yourself.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm completely lost when it comes to my identity.
I know who I am on a general skeleton-basis, and I know who and what I want to be, but I want to make a journey out of everything. I'm not leaving any doors closed, I'm keeping the majority open, all open, never to be locked away.
So have a lovely evening, this is late so there will be another one later tonight.
take care,
Jess :]
The night is darkest before the dawn.
You can't feel true happiness if you have not yet felt pain/sadness.
I have this theory that if you are loved enough, or if you yourself love enough, then you are on the surefire path to success, regardless of what you do in life or your values or ideals. People put too much emphasis on your values, understandable though since those are the ideals that are most important to you, but wouldn't it make more sense to form those values around things that you love, are passionate about, but they can be tangible? I've said it many times that I can't stand people who don't have an op[inion, but it's even more irritating if people are closed minded.
Open your eyes, open your mind, open the doors.
If you want to get anywhere you have to be subject to compromise, that being on the road, in education, in life in general there is not one path one plan that you follow. Some people are dangerously misguided in the fact that they can be at a comfortable area in their life on the same routine everyday. You won't meet the love of your life just going to class, taking notes, sitting silently, and leaving everyday. You need to make an effort, but if that is your ideal to just demand success on schoolwork, than that's cool. But what if your soulmate is sitting beside you in calculus and you never even ask him the time? Start a conversation, take a risk, it's worht it.
What have ya got to lose?
I have this feeling that lately I've been taking risks, and have had an open mind towards new things such as religion, but even more liberal practises and education. I have an inkling to start researching, to witness and experience new things. I want to be, I want to live I want to breathe new experiences. I want to take life and hold its hand and be there, in the moment. I want to take opportunities and try new things. I encourage you all to do the same, but to be honest, it's terrifying, so I don't know if that'll be the safest route, especially if you're still looking for yourself.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm completely lost when it comes to my identity.
I know who I am on a general skeleton-basis, and I know who and what I want to be, but I want to make a journey out of everything. I'm not leaving any doors closed, I'm keeping the majority open, all open, never to be locked away.
So have a lovely evening, this is late so there will be another one later tonight.
take care,
Jess :]
Thursday, May 5, 2011
I don't mean to toot my own horn
[one hundred, twenty five]
I don't feel well today, so I'm not going to write a lot. I am exhausted, and I have just read all day. I feel like if the world stopped turning and I could just lay in my bathing suit in the sun with maybe some pink lemonade that'd be delicious, but it all depends on how my head and tummy feels after. I want to be distracted again, ya know? I want a distraction I want people to want to hang out with me, go out of their way, I do it for friggen everyone and bam! Nada. That's fine, not a huge deal. I don't wanna complain, because it is fantastic out, and I can sleep a lot tomorrow so that's fine.. Have a lovely evening! I think I'm going to either stay up late or sleep real early, it aaaaaall depends!
If I were the wind you'd be the leaves, unknowingly being carried by me. If you refuse and drop to the ground, I think I'd disappear without a sound.
Take care,
Jess :]
I don't feel well today, so I'm not going to write a lot. I am exhausted, and I have just read all day. I feel like if the world stopped turning and I could just lay in my bathing suit in the sun with maybe some pink lemonade that'd be delicious, but it all depends on how my head and tummy feels after. I want to be distracted again, ya know? I want a distraction I want people to want to hang out with me, go out of their way, I do it for friggen everyone and bam! Nada. That's fine, not a huge deal. I don't wanna complain, because it is fantastic out, and I can sleep a lot tomorrow so that's fine.. Have a lovely evening! I think I'm going to either stay up late or sleep real early, it aaaaaall depends!
If I were the wind you'd be the leaves, unknowingly being carried by me. If you refuse and drop to the ground, I think I'd disappear without a sound.
Take care,
Jess :]
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
all we need is just a little patience
[one hundred, twenty-four]
After spending some time at home I have come to realise that life has so much in it, but so many people don't take the time to look through it all. Once, when I was little, I did a flip off of the picnic table in the backyard. It was in the summer months, so it was warm and when I fell I hit the grass so hard the world went silent. I couldn't think, I remember that (haha) but I just lay there, frozen, staring up at the sky. I think, other than other random times with a grandparents or something, that was the first time that I had relatively voluntarilly laid down on my back and looked at the clouds (or atleast this is my first memory of doing so).
I remember not thinking anything, but just looking at how blue the sky was, how really blue it was. It resembled the colour of my best friend's kitchen, or the colour of paint that mom pulled out around easter time. I was just there, drinking in the sky, but I wasn't really taking in the severity of this moment, the true meaning of what had happened.
I had acknowledged myself under something, below a thing a tangible (again, relatively) and unique and beautiful, and I, although in a lot of pain and shock, realised that I was little but there. I was a part of something, I was in the world living breathing little thing. I obviously didn't realise all of these things at once, or in these clearly thought out written sentence forms, but I knew that I was there and I could feel pain, and I could see, and I could hear and touch and understand things. I was young, like I said, probably around three or four, and I had realised that life was a living thing, the only thing I was missing was the importance of human interaction, and I was well on my way to becoming a person.
So what I'm trying to say really, is that everyone needs to take that one moment, that one defining moment, the memory that makes you realise that there is something to life other than being, there is nothing to life but understanding that you are a person, and you fit into the world under the sky and above the ground, breathing, taking chances, and loving. I live by these, clearly, from this memory. This particular event also taught me to beware of picnic tables as they are high and you can fall off and it hurts, but I think my mom gave me a freezie after this, so it all turned out alright in the end.
So if you are spending the day in school, or at work, or at home, or alone, take a minute, look at the blueness of the sky (since it's actually there today, I see the sun!) and appreciate that you are here. You are here. You are here.
love,
Jess :]
After spending some time at home I have come to realise that life has so much in it, but so many people don't take the time to look through it all. Once, when I was little, I did a flip off of the picnic table in the backyard. It was in the summer months, so it was warm and when I fell I hit the grass so hard the world went silent. I couldn't think, I remember that (haha) but I just lay there, frozen, staring up at the sky. I think, other than other random times with a grandparents or something, that was the first time that I had relatively voluntarilly laid down on my back and looked at the clouds (or atleast this is my first memory of doing so).
I remember not thinking anything, but just looking at how blue the sky was, how really blue it was. It resembled the colour of my best friend's kitchen, or the colour of paint that mom pulled out around easter time. I was just there, drinking in the sky, but I wasn't really taking in the severity of this moment, the true meaning of what had happened.
I had acknowledged myself under something, below a thing a tangible (again, relatively) and unique and beautiful, and I, although in a lot of pain and shock, realised that I was little but there. I was a part of something, I was in the world living breathing little thing. I obviously didn't realise all of these things at once, or in these clearly thought out written sentence forms, but I knew that I was there and I could feel pain, and I could see, and I could hear and touch and understand things. I was young, like I said, probably around three or four, and I had realised that life was a living thing, the only thing I was missing was the importance of human interaction, and I was well on my way to becoming a person.
So what I'm trying to say really, is that everyone needs to take that one moment, that one defining moment, the memory that makes you realise that there is something to life other than being, there is nothing to life but understanding that you are a person, and you fit into the world under the sky and above the ground, breathing, taking chances, and loving. I live by these, clearly, from this memory. This particular event also taught me to beware of picnic tables as they are high and you can fall off and it hurts, but I think my mom gave me a freezie after this, so it all turned out alright in the end.
So if you are spending the day in school, or at work, or at home, or alone, take a minute, look at the blueness of the sky (since it's actually there today, I see the sun!) and appreciate that you are here. You are here. You are here.
love,
Jess :]
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
if i gots the blues than you do owe, me
[one hundred, twenty-three]
solemn, as if glued to the floor,
I was trying to leave but shadows blocked the door,
I was screaming at heaven, but wishing for hell,
and only then did I hear the bell,
I thought it was you so I opened my eyes,
let the light in and listened to lies,
they flew, they frollicked,
I caught them with my net,
and tied them up in packages so I wouldn't forget,
although it isn't much I saved up a dime,
and pushed it in the mail slot for a minute's time,
it hit the floor with a crash, I heard,
you pocketed that too,
In the morning I was still standing in the hall,
you shouldn't have called,
since I listened I repressed and took it as a sign,
to turn off the lights, and begin to remind
myself of the time,
where life was sublime,
without thinking of the things that pass through the shadowed front door
focus: rhyme, lack of strucutre/pace, saying the same thing in every stanza
felt like poetry today, anyone surprised? I am...it sucks, I know, because it didn't take me long to write. I hate writing poetry because I suck at it, but, whatever.
Jess :]
solemn, as if glued to the floor,
I was trying to leave but shadows blocked the door,
I was screaming at heaven, but wishing for hell,
and only then did I hear the bell,
I thought it was you so I opened my eyes,
let the light in and listened to lies,
they flew, they frollicked,
I caught them with my net,
and tied them up in packages so I wouldn't forget,
although it isn't much I saved up a dime,
and pushed it in the mail slot for a minute's time,
it hit the floor with a crash, I heard,
you pocketed that too,
In the morning I was still standing in the hall,
you shouldn't have called,
since I listened I repressed and took it as a sign,
to turn off the lights, and begin to remind
myself of the time,
where life was sublime,
without thinking of the things that pass through the shadowed front door
focus: rhyme, lack of strucutre/pace, saying the same thing in every stanza
felt like poetry today, anyone surprised? I am...it sucks, I know, because it didn't take me long to write. I hate writing poetry because I suck at it, but, whatever.
Jess :]
Monday, May 2, 2011
if this is the end, it's not where I want to be.
[one hundred, twenty two]
One of my biggest fears is running out of time. I want to do so many things in my life, and I haven't written a list or anything, but I need to accomplish certain things before I am done here, and I feel like the scariest thing is not having time to do them all. I recently wrote down, in order, the places around the world that I want to visit. I have decided that at some time or another I want to live in NYC, Lond, Toronto, and in a bungalow. I have decided that I want to see everything I possibly can before I can't see anything at all. I want to see.
I see you.
Thinking about fears, it is a human condition that is a solid staple through out evolution. I mean, the cave men were afraid of, well, death, and probably their fires running out and if they couldn't find enough food. through out history there is overlapping evidence that the drives in men are fuelled by fear. Some people claim to have none, to be fearless, but those people are far from perfect. I would even gander to say that they are gutless, and probably psychotic. Everyone is afraid of something, let it be the dark, losing power, dying, failing, falling, everyone is afraid of anythoing and it is a fear no matter how small.
I have this feeling that a common fear for people is other people knowing that they are afraid. I am afraid, every day, of losing someone, running out of time, the dark, falling, losing my fire, and so many things, but I don't let those things hinder how I live my life, but replenish the fire, the drive that I have to live. If the world is full of fear, and it is, why just shut down and close off your life? Why give up if there is so much to be afraid of if the fear comes from risks? Take risks, take lots, live life, love everyone, smile every moment possible, and never give up on yourself, because it is totally, totally worth it.
I love you, because that isn't said enough, I'll say it to whoever reads this, which is probably just me lately. I promise that my writing binge will happen in the next two weeks, and that I will get to know myself better through this risk. Take a new one everyday, :)
love, always,
Jess :]
One of my biggest fears is running out of time. I want to do so many things in my life, and I haven't written a list or anything, but I need to accomplish certain things before I am done here, and I feel like the scariest thing is not having time to do them all. I recently wrote down, in order, the places around the world that I want to visit. I have decided that at some time or another I want to live in NYC, Lond, Toronto, and in a bungalow. I have decided that I want to see everything I possibly can before I can't see anything at all. I want to see.
I see you.
Thinking about fears, it is a human condition that is a solid staple through out evolution. I mean, the cave men were afraid of, well, death, and probably their fires running out and if they couldn't find enough food. through out history there is overlapping evidence that the drives in men are fuelled by fear. Some people claim to have none, to be fearless, but those people are far from perfect. I would even gander to say that they are gutless, and probably psychotic. Everyone is afraid of something, let it be the dark, losing power, dying, failing, falling, everyone is afraid of anythoing and it is a fear no matter how small.
I have this feeling that a common fear for people is other people knowing that they are afraid. I am afraid, every day, of losing someone, running out of time, the dark, falling, losing my fire, and so many things, but I don't let those things hinder how I live my life, but replenish the fire, the drive that I have to live. If the world is full of fear, and it is, why just shut down and close off your life? Why give up if there is so much to be afraid of if the fear comes from risks? Take risks, take lots, live life, love everyone, smile every moment possible, and never give up on yourself, because it is totally, totally worth it.
I love you, because that isn't said enough, I'll say it to whoever reads this, which is probably just me lately. I promise that my writing binge will happen in the next two weeks, and that I will get to know myself better through this risk. Take a new one everyday, :)
love, always,
Jess :]
Sunday, May 1, 2011
I'M BURNIN UP FOR YOU BABY
[one hundred, twenty-one]
I hate the Jonas Brothers, but I absolutely loved that song. I have this thing with music that if I like one song I can, but if the band sucks it sucks. The J-Bro's were mainly focusing on their fame, less on their music, more on what they could sell. The definition there-in-lies that they suck. However, if you take one relatively okay song, and mix it with repetition on steroids, the song in question becomes catchier than intended. If there is any consolation in this, this is how music becomes popular, but it all begins with taking risks.
I am all for taking risks musically, because tehre is always a reason that the people on the radio refuse to play an abundance (or any at all) local artists, or promote local shows, and thus defines more clearly the sell-out. If you truly love music, and it is your passion, you will have an open mind. You can certainly have opinions. I, for example, don't care too much for twenty-first century bands with female singers. This is a generalization; it does not mean that I will refuse to listen to female artists or singers, it just means I prefer not to. I think that if I refused altogether I'd be neglectful, and closed-minded. Today is a day for definitions.
As much as I love music, I tend to be very defensive about it. I find that people who love music are always a certain type of person that is clear and concise with their musical choices. You can tell a person's style and interests by their favourite band, and if you catch a glimpse of anyone's itunes it is like catching a glimpse into their being, their spirit, it is an inspiration and an aura of their person. It is important to who they are, if they value talent and maintain a stable, albeit oppinionated, state of choices when it comes to music. If you love it, you know it inside and out. If you are a music person, your music reflects you--or rather, you reflect your music.
We are formed and shaped by our choices, this doesn't exclude music. I wouldn't be the same person today if I didn't pick up that Godzilla soundtrack when I was twelve, that had the song "heroes" by David Bowie on it. I would not be the same person today if I didn't love "Burning up" by the Jonas Brothers, what I listen to shapes who I am. I have this thing about my itunes however, that you have to ask to look through it. I hate it when people judge my music, because it is so close to me, or if they want to "take" it all, it is like they are taking my identity. This is just who I am, I think in music, my thoughts can be deciphered on a five-lined staff or through headphones. It is me.
But my life isn't music, I wouldn't die without it, I would never say that my life revolves around the music I enjoy. I think people who say that are full of shit, because they don't know the bands, they don't know the intentions, but they do know the effects that it has on them. It makes more sense to say that it is a part of you, or it molds who you are, as opposed to saying that your life is about it. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but I am a devotee of music and I don't think my life revolves around it, I'm a music junkie, what can I say?
I DIG MUSIC.
That's all for tonight I think, youtube burnin' up for me tonight, take a minute, lkisten to the words, dance, etc. It's catchy, it makes you smile, it's fun to sing. I'm going to have some relaxation time, which is what the next four months are for!
Take care,
Jess :]
I hate the Jonas Brothers, but I absolutely loved that song. I have this thing with music that if I like one song I can, but if the band sucks it sucks. The J-Bro's were mainly focusing on their fame, less on their music, more on what they could sell. The definition there-in-lies that they suck. However, if you take one relatively okay song, and mix it with repetition on steroids, the song in question becomes catchier than intended. If there is any consolation in this, this is how music becomes popular, but it all begins with taking risks.
I am all for taking risks musically, because tehre is always a reason that the people on the radio refuse to play an abundance (or any at all) local artists, or promote local shows, and thus defines more clearly the sell-out. If you truly love music, and it is your passion, you will have an open mind. You can certainly have opinions. I, for example, don't care too much for twenty-first century bands with female singers. This is a generalization; it does not mean that I will refuse to listen to female artists or singers, it just means I prefer not to. I think that if I refused altogether I'd be neglectful, and closed-minded. Today is a day for definitions.
As much as I love music, I tend to be very defensive about it. I find that people who love music are always a certain type of person that is clear and concise with their musical choices. You can tell a person's style and interests by their favourite band, and if you catch a glimpse of anyone's itunes it is like catching a glimpse into their being, their spirit, it is an inspiration and an aura of their person. It is important to who they are, if they value talent and maintain a stable, albeit oppinionated, state of choices when it comes to music. If you love it, you know it inside and out. If you are a music person, your music reflects you--or rather, you reflect your music.
We are formed and shaped by our choices, this doesn't exclude music. I wouldn't be the same person today if I didn't pick up that Godzilla soundtrack when I was twelve, that had the song "heroes" by David Bowie on it. I would not be the same person today if I didn't love "Burning up" by the Jonas Brothers, what I listen to shapes who I am. I have this thing about my itunes however, that you have to ask to look through it. I hate it when people judge my music, because it is so close to me, or if they want to "take" it all, it is like they are taking my identity. This is just who I am, I think in music, my thoughts can be deciphered on a five-lined staff or through headphones. It is me.
But my life isn't music, I wouldn't die without it, I would never say that my life revolves around the music I enjoy. I think people who say that are full of shit, because they don't know the bands, they don't know the intentions, but they do know the effects that it has on them. It makes more sense to say that it is a part of you, or it molds who you are, as opposed to saying that your life is about it. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but I am a devotee of music and I don't think my life revolves around it, I'm a music junkie, what can I say?
I DIG MUSIC.
That's all for tonight I think, youtube burnin' up for me tonight, take a minute, lkisten to the words, dance, etc. It's catchy, it makes you smile, it's fun to sing. I'm going to have some relaxation time, which is what the next four months are for!
Take care,
Jess :]
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