remember that i love you

[eighty one[

late.

I've noticed something about walking that is sort of revolutionary. It's just the same as crying. You walk for a steady while at first, especially if you are alone, but once someone joins you you slow down, you may even change pace, you'll probably stop, and before you know it, you're jumping or hugging or sitting, and the long journey through movement will be relatively over, for the time being. I think that parallels nicely with crying, for me anyway, but usually if I talk when I cry I laugh a lot, and it's usually to myself, in the shower. That's just how it is.

I think that walking could parallel with so many other humanly functions, and I think this is why I'm in english, because I have these thoughts, and although I can't exactly put them in words and organize them perfectly to surround an argument, I can read a passage or poem or prose or play, and figure these sort of things out. If you want to know more about walking, go outside then, walk around. Think about how it relates to your breathing, high fives, anything. Things are relatable, just like people, you just need to find the niche, the way to get a hook in their sides, and then you've got it, sailor.

Why I bring this up today, or rather, what was supposed to be yesterday, is that I almost feel more comfortable crying when I walk. Or when I stand, in the situation of the shower. I feel that my tears and my thoughts and feelings don't sit with me, they aren't confined because that is just the natural way of my thoughts. I don't let them just stay inside the fence, I let them run around and when it's time I tug the leash and they are back in line. I feel like when I walk, I can really let it all out, I can let the tears roll off of my face, and sunglasses really help this not cause a scene on the streets. If you really want the real effect, try it at night, it's dangerous, but it's almost thrilling, it takes your breath away.

Out of all of this walking and crying, I must say, I enjoy doing both alone. I may enjoy people hugging me when I cry, but I certainly can't stand too much talking. I can't stand when people try to talk and walk and cry at the same time, they don't mix, they're just not water soluable together, they don't dissolve into the great big sea of life, and it is noticeable when you actually dig down deep and realise what you want.

I want the world to sing, so very merry merrilly.

I want the world to just have its crying times, and to have its times to just talk it all out, and the times to be quiet and happy, content, give me an emotion, unfortunately and fortunately, I think the world deserves to feel it. Other than hurt and loneliness. They can feel anger, and hatred, and sadness, and loss, and losing, and lost, but hurt, no. Loneliness, unless for an incredible good reason, does not mesh well with the human psyche. Seclusion? Isolation? It drives people insane.

So I am sorry this is a day late, and this will be the first of two for today. I think that I am going to have myself a yummy lunch, and then have a lovely evening at the theatre. If you want, you could try walking and crying today, however, I would never recommend anyone just suddenly burst into tears, but a soft rolling never hurt anyone.

Take care,

Jess :]