oh won't you stay

[seventy one]

just a little bit longer..

I've been focusing a lot on making sure that I have been healthy lately. In eating, activity, sleeping, and in a mental way as well. I feel like in university our grasp slips on what is healthy and what you do to get by academically. Not only is binge drinking, staying up until four in the morning, and obscene amounts of coffee standard for a first year university student living in residence, but it is almost the norm. I don't think I've ever slept so little, ate so detrimentally to my health, or been in such a state of mind that I have been pressured into panic/anxiety attacks.

Stress is common, considered normal, and expected, in high doses during university. I need the best grade I can get, therefore I need to put that much effort in to reach that goal. In order to put that much effort in, I've got to stay up late, and skip a meal, and forget about my happiness for the time being, in order to complete what is needed. Not only do I neglect my needs, but I have been putting a lot of other things ahead of myself lately, including people around me, and the academic standards which I have been attempting to get a hold of since September.

So I've decided that I'm going to focus a little bit more on being healthy, a little less on staying up late a little more on sleeping as much as I can afford. A little less about what takes shortest to eat, but what I want to eat in order to be healthy. A little less alcohol a little more water. A little less perfectionist a little more contentedness. I know I can do it, it's just getting to that area of confidence and common ground with acceptance that is taking the time.

If everyone did this in university, I think that standards would maybe not be lower, but more achievable. I've got to focus more on the me side of university, as opposed to the us side, and I'm realising a little too late that simplicity is key in here. I'm no hoarder, but I could use a little less drama a little more comfortableness.

So if it is unattainable I'm going to fail trying, but I know I can get there. It may take me until September to get to a point where I am comfortable, I'll take the summer to get back up on my feet. If it makes any sense at all, I just want to be a wave on the sand, instead of the tsunami. I want to just wreak a little havoc, no need to cause a natural disaster on my life. Like Japan, I can only wait so long for aid to come and help me out of this, it's hard to get back up on your own.

So I am thankful for everyone I talk to on a semi-daily basis even, the people that distract me from school when I need to be, or who pinch me during a play because I was falling asleep, the people who I can dance to Cheap Trick to on their birthday, the people who are still there even though we both know that it should be over, the people that I miss so much because their faces make me smile alone, the people who I can laugh with for hours about jokes about pants, the people who I'll never forget, the people who I've known forever, the people I love. I am thankful for people, as much as they cause my downfall they also pick me back up again.

So, keep on falling.

I'll pick you up.

Take care,

Jess :]