beam me up,

[seventy seven?]

I miss my peeps. I realised how much I missed just eating junk and watching sci-fi seventies' CGI film crap with my boys and my ladies, and talkin' about literature and stupid youtube videos and knives, oh the flippin' knives.

On a much less weird and individualistic note, I think what is missing from my life and I'm trying to fill right now is the fact that I want to make people feel special, and I have no one to dote over. I have no one to send 'i love you's to, I have no one I can just be my loving self towards, and I feel like, instead of trying to fill that void at the moment, I should be focusing all that energy on myself... Or my fish, because he seems kinda sad and lonely too (he also misses his daddy)

I named my fish after David Bowie, and the Adam sandler character from his hanachka christmas movie 'eight crazy nights', and I think it was a good idea. He is a beautiful blue, and he has a blue tank to match, and even though his water leaks all over my desk and he gets cold too easilly, I always find myself gazing dreamilly at him, and watching him follow my finger around his tank. He is beautiful, he was one of the ebst gifts I was ever given, and now I've gotta keep him alive long enough to prove that I can do it on my own.

I think true beauty is not the eye of the beholder, but that of what that person believes of themself. If you think you're a rat, you're a rat, but if someone else sees the beauty in that rat, then by-God, listen to the, I want to see the beauty in everything and everyone, and I do, or atleast, I try to with most things. That english paper due in April? It's going to help my eyes get stronger with small print, and help me with my MLA style, and my persuasiveness (not a persuasion pun, I'm not choosing that topic) but for real, it will be art, it will be somewhat beautiful, and the process is beautiful as well.

I want to be beautiful in his eyes, and I just realised, that I probably am, and he'll never read this because..well he won't, but he's beautiful to me too, and I'm not letting go of that, because he's my best friend.

So if you love someone, or hate someone, or are lonely and sad, or surrounded by loved ones and happy, or if it's your birthday (buddy) or anything else you may be, I hope you look outside your window or into your fishtank or into your dark, wine filled basement and see the beauty in it all. Life is a work of art, and your life is the beauty, the pastels, the water colours, the oil, the sketch-marks, the brilliance that creates the love and passion that is needed for such an act.

And never forget, that if you have no one, I think you are beautiful, I believe in you, and I will always be here for a hug, smile, or love.

Take care, with love,

Jess :]