[two hundred, eighty-nine]
I should be doing a lot more homework now, but I don't feel like it. I need a tiny break. I've been reading for four hours straight, so I'm going to have a tiny writing/shower break, and then get back into it later, debating on finishing an entire book or just finishing this week's amount... I think, with the amount of midterms and stress, I should take breaks. I'm not good at giving myself enough breaks.
See, when I write my schedule, I literally write " 1:30-4:30 Postcolonial Reading, 4:30-5:30 shower" etc. But I don't really give myself enough time for breaks or for travelling, so I end up behind or ahead in some way of another. I don't know what I am right now, I'm lost within the perameters of the time in which my time management has allowed me to breathe in... I think.
I really want a white hot choaolte this evening.
In some ways I think this blog reflects my deteriorating faith in the university system, as the academics of the world profusely admit to the capitalist nature of this stupid structure, I think that the jobs that we all want to get that have a good pay and good hours and are relatively interesting should not requires a master in advanced articulative skills, but some sort of experience.
This is sort of why I'm thinking about doing an apprenticeship after graduation, instead of my master.
But who knows, really, I could just be losing my sanity, which is obvious within the perameters that my academic strucured life has permitted. I feel like with all of this grain on grain work, the grinding and toll of school has worn me out. I used to have so much fire, but then I was required to read for four hours, take notes, and not fall asleep, and therefore I lost all of that fire, it was dampened by intense literature.
Which I shouldn't be complaining about, that is, after all, the reason why I continued on with post secondary education, wasn't it?
Sometimes I think there was some choice in there, I chose to become an English Major in order to pursue the life that I would love. But what will I love? Right now I love being around people, nurturing relationships, writing, music, the world, people. I think that I have lost my love of reading in the past year, and it truly shows in the interest I have now. I would much rather go out and do something then stay in and read.
Don't get me wrong though literature is my soft spot, hit me with a good book and I'll hit you back with my overbearing opinion. It is just peculiar to me that something so lovely, beautiful interesting, can be ruined by someone telling you what to do with it. I want to do, think, say, write, be what I want with a text, not do something just because someone told me to. This is the flaw here in this program, you gotta do what they say or they er um kick you the hell out.
So the goal is to not get kicked out, to continue on for the next two and a half years, to take courses and have experiences that I will....eventually....fall in love with. My goal in life? To be happy. If it is the last thing I do, I will die happy. Or I will die knowing that everyone around me is happy. Either of those is acceptable.
So I'm working towards that, although university has proven itself as the official BULLSHIT to happiness. It is happiness's nemesis. The key in this situation is is to not take anything too seriously. Don't strive for a ninety-eight, do your best and hope for the best. Unless you're applying to med school, in which case I suggest dropping out and becoming a mime in paris would be better for your health and happiness then continue on...
But we need doctors, so obviously someone has to nearly kill themselves in the process, so not everyone take that advice.
but anyways, I guess that was a long rant. I have caught up on my blogs now. I am still writing the story, the goal is to be done by November fifth, so hopefully that works out...less than a month? Basically a week? Yeah, yeah I don't know about that but I have to do it so it will be done!
HAVE A GREAT DAY.
JESS
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