[two hundred, ninety]
you might think it's foolish, but all i want is you [da na da nana, da na da nana, lalalalalala]
I'm great at singing, the cars, in the middle of the night in the pouring rain when it's dark in a standard across a bridge where there may or may not be construction... In a thunderstorm? Singing. Loudly. Trying to hold your hand but the stupid standard gets in the way, with the gear shift, so I nervously put it down at my side, and watch your face as you drive, because I know you're gonna keep me safe, despite the fact that I'm blind and can't see much ever let alone in the dark in the rain, but the headlights illuminate your face, and I keep thinking to myself that I'm obviously going to be okay, because I'm with you, and you do that thing where you never let me down. And I tell you I'm scared and to not kill me and you laugh, you always laugh a lot. I love your laugh. I think it's funny that on our date nights we drive to macdonalds at eleven at night and buy happy meals (well, I get one) and we drive to the empty parking lot to listen to the beach boys and eat, or stabilo and get into a show down with the gangsta kids in the SUV who think they're cool and playin' the top forty and we're singing loudly, and the nights where we put the car in neutral and pushed it around, or when I pushed it around and danced around it, or the nights where it poured rain but I was restless, that first date night, that first night where it was pouring rain, and I didn't have a jacket, and it was cold, and I was restless so I got out of the car in the empty parking lot, ran to the street light, got up on the big curb and you stood below me so I wouldn't fall, and I jumped down and taught you how to two-step, and we kissed.
and we kissed.
And that first night, I went home with my soaking wet feet, clothes, hair, glasses, everything, and I laid in my bed, and I thought to myself how lucky I am to have someone who loves adventures as much as I do. And can put up with my horrendous songs, or can catch me when I run too fast down the stairs, or puts up with my random crying and grumpy hungry moods, who buys me food and flowers and necklaces, who lets me pay once in a while for the movies or dinner.
I finally have a best friend, who happens to be a boy, who will buy me a hotel room.
It has been a life of being alone, a lot of the time. A life where I wished somebody felt like I felt. And I would never wish for someone to be lonely, but when you told me you were lonely, I held your hand. I will hold your hand, because not only do I love you but you are my best friend. You have a killer smile, that when I see it and you're not infront of me in arms length I cry. And you don't mind that in order to see your eyes I have to be an inch away, or that I fall asleep in action hero movies (I don't think you know that I did in green lantern, or I like to pretend that you don't) and I fall asleep during every movie. But what's funny is that I had insomnia before, and now I sleep soundly. Especially when we're watching breaking bad at two in the morning after a date night, baby, cause I'm sitting with you and I'm not paying attention, I'm thinking about the adventures we have.
And the laughs that we have.
And the kisses and hugs and dinners and ferris wheels and poncho findings, and the day you took me to the grand river and I got bug bites and was grumpy and didn't exactly complain but I wasn't happy either, but I tried to keep a smile because it was your element, and all I do is tell you how fascinating the things you love are. Or the day you went to take a shower before we went to the beach so you left me a pile of comic books on your bed and I sat there and cried a bit because you are so cute.
You are, you know.
Or the time when I had to go to school and you had to go to school, and you left me, and you let go of my hand, and my heart broke... I need some more glue, but you took the pieces with you. I can't fix this without you. and I am hurting and you are hurting, and it is so hard for me to say things about this summer because those three months were great, and incredible, and full of happiness.
Finally.
So take a breath, think about everything I've said, and just let me know...
Can we watch Gossip Girl when you come next week if we have time? You'll like it, there's gossip. See, I do pay attention to things you tell me, I don't remember huge things, but I remember that your middle name is James and you love gossip and comic books, and were a bully in elementary school and that's why you're such a nice guy now because you feel bad, and your dog is your best friend.
Or maybe I fit in there somewhere too.
I love you,
Jess <3
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