tomorrow's the big one

[two hundred, ninety-eight]

Considering the stress of the past weeks, and the future weeks, and well every week leading up to Christmas holidays, I have decided that I should eat and do what I want. Obviously within reason, such as only eating so much, still going to the gym, etc. But I shouldn't have to comform and do what I think other people want me to. I am kind of sick of people telling me what's best for me... I know myself, I'm learning my limitations, let me deal with it.

But hold my hand through it. Don't just push me away. I like it when sometimes people are supportive, it sorta seems like people care that way. I think people don't care about other people enough. People are too selfish.


I have vulnerabilities too, y'know and I'm still standing out here in the ice cold rain trying to save the world.

My utility belt is neon blue.

Despite the fact that I am beginning to think of myself as an introvert, I am beginning to see the merit in crowds. I like to be in a crowd for the people, but also because when you stand alone you are alone. Bare, exposed, a polaroid of what others envy but ignore, and yet you're still out there. I put myself out there everyday with these blogs, sort of snapping my thoughts and placing them out there.

I am tired of writing now, but I'll keep going.

I put myself in my writing, sometimes, and when I don't it is obvious. I am passionate about people. I want people to continue to smolder and ignite under my gaze as it is harmless. I just want to know why people do things, I am a researcher in the field, I ask questions everyday, and my field notes are mentally located in the files within my head.

I may sound crazy, but I remember the weirdest details about things that happen, situations, moments, polaroids... People don't remember and take value in enough. Everyone should look back at their life and recognise one moment as: special, funny, intimate, short, quiet, etc. Preferably more than one, this week.

But I have a bad memory so my polaroid camera is in my utility belt in my writing.

I am passionate about people.

take care,

JESS