[three hundred, thirty-five]
You know what's fantastic? The fact that everything in life sort of fits together, but at the same time distance and juissance take over and everything muddles and makes no sense. Why is everything so unsettling? I never feel competely safe. I think it's a part of my mentality that disregards the positivity I need in myself sometimes. I'm trying.
I wear socks because my feet get dry in the winter. It really hurts my feet, somedays I just feel like crying. Why is it unacceptable socially to cry? Why am I a crybaby because when I cry I cry for joy or sadness or pain, or for other people, or just because a time like this happens where I feel like I just need to.
I just need that release.
I'm listening to on my own from les mis, and I'm tired, and I'm trying to be positive and drink in the sunshine bs but I've seriously decided on trying to work my ass off to be better. It's going to be exhausting and I'll probably burn out, but what else can I do? I guess nothing.
I love him, but everyday I'm learning, that all my life, I've only been pretending, without me, his world will go on turning, a world that's full of happiness that I have never known.
I hope everyone is having a lovely evening, I made leaps and bounds with christmas presents today! Thinking about the end goal: Christmas holidays. I've got to get there.
love,
Jess :]
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