bring me back, follow me through, i'll hold your hand too

[three hundred, forty]

I'm almost done. I say that for a couple of things, exams, this blog, being a teenager, all of these things are coming to an end. I hate goodbyes, I hate finishing things because then I am just lost on what I'm supposed to be doing next. I'm going to be twenty in just over a month, I won't know what to think of that until it catches up with me. I'm actually an old person now.

I'm naive and I am okay with that.

I want birds, or a pet that isn't just a singular fish. I think it would be nice to have a dog that I could cuddle up with and love, something that I could devote my attention to. I've been a little lonely lately, the fish isn't quite doing it for me, and my friends are here but everyone's busy and preoccupied with exams so it's like I'm just sitting here everynight alone. Alone in the clutches of the darkness and my blankie.

And my computer screen. Why do I start sentences with and? I think that I need some sort of constructive common hobby that isn't technology based. My blog, tumblr, texting, everything seems to be counterproductive to the fact that I'd like to increase my capabilities as opposed to enhancing the ones that I am relatively okay at.

I like knitting, so I'm working on that one sometimes. But I need something new, something devotional and beautiful and fun. Something I can really sink my teeth into. I am in need of something extremely new, fresh. I need something that I am going to want to take a break to do, instead of just having to do it.

I am beginning to accept the fact that this blog will be over soon, and I am going to miss it. I am going to miss my stupid random ramblings, the fact that it really isn't a real blog since there isn't a common theme or anything excting or interesting. These have been for me, my little mind splatters for me to read over and get confused by.

Here is a poem that I wrote in five seconds yesterday:


it's a soft tone, really
that speaks to us, squeeks in the cracks,
the hot plate of life sizzles underneath us all,
and we teach eachother most of what we know,
sometimes you just need a little sun-dried emphasis on
you, a little baked-thin breeze for a breath of fresh air,
and a little time taken for titters of laughter,
all in the midst of a hot dark night.

sometimes I really like my work, other times I don't. This is a time where I did love what I wrote.

Love always,

Jess :]