beached whale

[three hundred, forty-three]

I don't care about the physicality of my friends. I don't care if they're stick thin (unless...scarilly thin) or if there's more to love, to be perfectly honest (ha-ha) I don't even notice. If you are a caring, loving, hilarious person there is no point. My best friend and I have never really talked about body image or how we feel about it (with a few exceptions, minor of course) but we've never had any conflict no nothing about how we see eachother. We just love one another for who we have been over the last twelve years.

I love life, I love eating desserts and chips with my boyfriend at three in the morning, and drinking hot chocolates and laying around all day. I love yoga, and peppers, and tofu and hummus but I also love steak and mashed potatoes and apple pie. Gramma's brownies that are a little overcooked with the weird chocolate icing. I am making a decision, right this very typed moment.

I am making the decision to enjoy life. If I feel like I need to, go work out for a bit, I'll be consistant, I'm doing yoga next semester, but if I want to I'm going to have a real coke or macdonalds, whatever. It's my life, I put good things into it (peehehehehehehe) on a daily basis, if once in a while I want to live life like it's ending tomorrow, I'm allowed to.

Given the circumstances of the past five years, I love everybody because of their support and their kindness and their love for me, and that means more to me than a number on a scale, or a size on clothing. I'd rather be fat and happy than sad and skinny. If my goal in life is to achieve happiness for me and the ones around me then I am going to need a helluva lot of cupcakes, and they will be decorated with icing and delicious.

I'll eat the damn cake if I want to, thanks.

I needed this today I think, I haven't been feeling well a little sick of something, I've been feeling dizzy and disoriented. I think I need more water. Exams have thrown me off of my eating and drinking properly. I don't get hungry and I just forget about drinking anything sometimes. I need a reminder written on my hand or something, GIVE BODY FUEL. It needs fuel, you know, to do all the great things that are in store.

I love the sound of my keyboard when I type fast and it makes all those clunking thing noises and I can just listen and type whatever and know that things are happening... I need a new computer.

So I hope everyone has a lovely Saturday evening, I am having a great one cleaning and wrapping christmas presents, taking a break from studying (sort of, I've looked through my chlldren's literature authors a couple of times, re-organising my thoughts away from theatre/postcolonial and focusing on children's lit and theatre tech, bleck). Only THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL I CAN RELAX. FOUR UNTIL I GO HOME, AND SEVEN UNTIL I SEE MY BOYFRIEND AGAIN. THEN THERE'S FOURTEEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Am I the only person in the world who counts down to christmas eve? Why is christmas only one day? WHAT?!

Anyways, take care!

Jess :]