whatever

[two hundred, forty-four]

this is one out of two, I should write another today, but I'll probably do it tomorrow.

Today is an unhappy day. For some reason I just can't seem to justify a smile, and that is unusual for me, because I do not usually not smile. However, there was a moment today that I realised someone selectively told me information so that my feelings wouldn't be hurt, but in short, it did, because I know that although it wasn't necessarilly a lie, it wasn't the truth either.

I miss being okay.

I think with the stress of school, and the stress of being alone, and the stress of being happy, is just coming down at once and I'm tredding water and can't seem to stay balanced. I can't do anything right, I can't plant my positivity seeds in this house, it just isn't doing it for me.


So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, be happy, but you're allowed those days where you don't want to be alive anymore. I'm not saying I want to die, but I'd like to take a break from being a person like me for a while, or being a person at all. Could tomorrow be my day to be a ladybug? That'd be interesting, see what they worry about, so nobody can shit on me, for atleast a little while.

Thanks for taking me for granted, world, when all I ever did was be there.

cool.

Jess