C:
[thirty-one]
I've spent my day listening to a novel for english that the reader had birds in the background. So amongst the droning on and on about Anne Elliot and Fredirck Wentworth and so much more about the navy and Bath, there were faints whisperings of chirping birds. I kind of liked it.
I have never had a bird, or ever really had any fond memories of birds, but I like their chirpings. I feel like lately my life has just been full of little random, faint chirpings back and forth between unnamed parties here where I live. I feel like I'm in the middle and my ears pick up on little chirps and little pecks, and I have no control.
I don't mean that its a loss of power or discomfort or anything, its mainly just a confusing whirlwind that I feel like I'm falling headfirst, free-falling if you will. I am a bird, and my wings are frozen mid-flight. I feel like everyone else is speeding past and I have to sit tight because my feathers are covered in ice or snow, which is what it feels like its dreadfully freezing here.
Which reminds me, there's a huge storm tomorrow....
Which is good news because tomorrow is the first of February! Which means I've finished a blog a day every day this month! Which also means I will be changing up how I write next week, I've figured that every week of February will have some different writing styles as follow:
Feb first-seventh: Prose
Feb eighth-fourteenth: Love Letter
Feb fourteenth-twenty first: News
Feb twenty first-twenty eighth: TBA when I figure something out
So that's how its going to go, I've had a lot of time to be with my thoughts lately and I thought it'd be fun to kinda switch up how I post those to you. I need to figure out some different writing styles anyway, maybe the last week will be entirely firction haha! Or Poetry, although that fits into prose.
So I hope everyone is having a good monday, I can't say that mine has been wonderful its been stressful and tiring and I honestly just want ot sleep. With a splitting headache and too much on my mind, I couldn't be anticipating the weekend more.
Have a good one,
Jess :]
chirp chirp
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
you take me the way I am
[thirty]
I hate stress. I hate realising that all I ever do is work and stress about doing readings. I hate that I have hardly any time for myself anymore... I wrote an earlier post about making time for yourself and breaks and such. I guess lately I've been taking breaks to spend time with people and not do any work... I have most of it under control, but its still daunting to have on my shoulders.
So I write in a calendor notebook that lets me organise the work and time spent with others, and I feel like there's never time for me. I never write "just relax by yourself" and I wish I didn't have to, I wish the hour between schoolwork and dinner could be that, but there's always something that I either forgot or that has just come up.
Which is life, things are unpredictable and priorities take the wheel and shuffle relaxation and peace of mind to the back seat. I don't feel like its fair, but I guess thats just what I have to deal with. I think that if everyone took a little bit more time by themselves and spending time doing a hobby or something nice by themselves they would be even a margin happier.
Now I sound anti-social.
I'm now, I just enjoy doing my own thing sometimes. Once a day I'd like to watch a half hour show or read a magazine just for fun. Sometimes the schoolwork isn't so bad, I can take an hour and write for playwriting class and that is actually enjoyable. But most of the things seem tedious and cause headaches.
This is a rant about time management, not about my lack of motivation to do work. I don't mind doing work, but I've been having a stressful week and things have just been consequently bringing me down. I need that alone time, and that alone time just isn't coming.
So I hope that if you're feeling the clamps of stress on your being that you find some wiggle room, and spend a half hour doing what you want. I dare you. I'm going to try!
Have a wonderful evening, I'm spending it doing some research and reading.
Love,
Jess :]
I hate stress. I hate realising that all I ever do is work and stress about doing readings. I hate that I have hardly any time for myself anymore... I wrote an earlier post about making time for yourself and breaks and such. I guess lately I've been taking breaks to spend time with people and not do any work... I have most of it under control, but its still daunting to have on my shoulders.
So I write in a calendor notebook that lets me organise the work and time spent with others, and I feel like there's never time for me. I never write "just relax by yourself" and I wish I didn't have to, I wish the hour between schoolwork and dinner could be that, but there's always something that I either forgot or that has just come up.
Which is life, things are unpredictable and priorities take the wheel and shuffle relaxation and peace of mind to the back seat. I don't feel like its fair, but I guess thats just what I have to deal with. I think that if everyone took a little bit more time by themselves and spending time doing a hobby or something nice by themselves they would be even a margin happier.
Now I sound anti-social.
I'm now, I just enjoy doing my own thing sometimes. Once a day I'd like to watch a half hour show or read a magazine just for fun. Sometimes the schoolwork isn't so bad, I can take an hour and write for playwriting class and that is actually enjoyable. But most of the things seem tedious and cause headaches.
This is a rant about time management, not about my lack of motivation to do work. I don't mind doing work, but I've been having a stressful week and things have just been consequently bringing me down. I need that alone time, and that alone time just isn't coming.
So I hope that if you're feeling the clamps of stress on your being that you find some wiggle room, and spend a half hour doing what you want. I dare you. I'm going to try!
Have a wonderful evening, I'm spending it doing some research and reading.
Love,
Jess :]
Friday, January 28, 2011
oh you fancy,
huh?
[twenty-eight]
I feel like making cookies. Like big fat chocolate chips on warm oozing cookies. I want to watch them bake and then smell them as they cool off. And then only have one bite. Indulgance. No cookies for me, not tonight anyway. Unless they sell them at the restaurant.
So, on an entirely different note, I feel like I have nothing to say. I haven't really been thinking about much today... Some early modernistic traditional British theory and a little bit of questions why my internet hasn't been working. I don't understand why some days I can have totally normal thoughts, and then today I've just got nothin'.
I wish everyone could win the first time.
I wish that I could make sense a lot more often than I do.
I wish I looked better in a skirt than I do.... Goodbye Self Confidence.
So I don't know what to say. Tonight will be an eventful, hopefully very loud, hopefully very intoxicated, evening. I hope to not get hurt, not lose the keys or give them away, and I really hope that my wonderful birthday wish is fufilled by a certain quirky ginger.
So if you're having a loud night out, or a quiet night in, I hope that this Friday night finds you wonderfully! I also believe in my good friend Jude, I'm always here for you my lady, you can do it!
CHEERS!
Jess :]
[twenty-eight]
I feel like making cookies. Like big fat chocolate chips on warm oozing cookies. I want to watch them bake and then smell them as they cool off. And then only have one bite. Indulgance. No cookies for me, not tonight anyway. Unless they sell them at the restaurant.
So, on an entirely different note, I feel like I have nothing to say. I haven't really been thinking about much today... Some early modernistic traditional British theory and a little bit of questions why my internet hasn't been working. I don't understand why some days I can have totally normal thoughts, and then today I've just got nothin'.
I wish everyone could win the first time.
I wish that I could make sense a lot more often than I do.
I wish I looked better in a skirt than I do.... Goodbye Self Confidence.
So I don't know what to say. Tonight will be an eventful, hopefully very loud, hopefully very intoxicated, evening. I hope to not get hurt, not lose the keys or give them away, and I really hope that my wonderful birthday wish is fufilled by a certain quirky ginger.
So if you're having a loud night out, or a quiet night in, I hope that this Friday night finds you wonderfully! I also believe in my good friend Jude, I'm always here for you my lady, you can do it!
CHEERS!
Jess :]
Thursday, January 27, 2011
eet.
[twenty-seven]
It's like forgetting your favourite book out in the rain,
it's like jumping into a pile of leaves to find they cover mud,
it's like having a huge project due and the storm knocks the power out,
it's like the middle of winter and you're missing spring,
it's like forgetting what lightning looks like,
it's like getting your hair done and the humidity ruins it,
it's like january, but I wish it was April.
For more than a couple of reasons, it would be a lot less cold and a lot more rainy; it would be a lot closer to the end of the year and a lot less closer to finishing projects and readings; it would be a lot more exciting because everyone could be included and a lot less excluding as of now; it would be better, period.
So I'm sitting here, thinking of thunderstorms as I am about to embark upon a twenty-eight paged essay on a novel that I haven't finished, and I've recently been thinking about writing recreationally again. I mean poetry; I mean short stories; I mean possibly picking up my novel again... I sound like any other English major: "I went into English because I like to write...you know, stories and stuff..."
I remember the first time I wrote a story for someone else to read. It was sixth grade, and it was about a girl who got accepted to go to a boarding school for dancers and she goes and meets friends and boys and it has a weak happy ending. I wrote it on the computer, printed it out in purple ink, and gave it to my teacher to read. It was twelve pages long. I still have it somewhere, and I'm prettyy sure that teacher told me it was wonderful, she probably was trying to not hurt my feelings. I am still friends with that teacher on facebook, she is really close to me.
But for the past five years or so I've been working on a concept of a novel, and another reason why I'm looking forward to April is that with the end of the year brings free time for me to start reading recreationally again aswell, and also possibly actually sit down, and I am thinking about in addition to writing this everyday, writing something like a chapter of this novel everyday. This pledge is in the works, stay tuned for an actual promise.
I feel proud of myself that I've stuck with this for this long! Its almost been a month, and I do love to write down my thoughts everyday. Some days I have nothing to say, and it shows. But other days (today included) and most of them I do have an idea, and I do look forward to writing it. Hell, I put off this beautiful critical essay to rant on and on about my writing.
So if you have a hobby, let it be sketching or writing or shopping if that's what you like, I challenge you to turn it into a project. Give it a purpose, a meaning. I'm debating giving every week a theme for my blogs, maybe the first week of february will be about childhood memories or my favourite literature, but that is all in the works right now. Chances are I'll post some sort of make-shift schedule of that on the first of February.
Is that ground hog day? Or is that the second? I've never been good with day.
Have a lovely evening!
Jess :]
It's like forgetting your favourite book out in the rain,
it's like jumping into a pile of leaves to find they cover mud,
it's like having a huge project due and the storm knocks the power out,
it's like the middle of winter and you're missing spring,
it's like forgetting what lightning looks like,
it's like getting your hair done and the humidity ruins it,
it's like january, but I wish it was April.
For more than a couple of reasons, it would be a lot less cold and a lot more rainy; it would be a lot closer to the end of the year and a lot less closer to finishing projects and readings; it would be a lot more exciting because everyone could be included and a lot less excluding as of now; it would be better, period.
So I'm sitting here, thinking of thunderstorms as I am about to embark upon a twenty-eight paged essay on a novel that I haven't finished, and I've recently been thinking about writing recreationally again. I mean poetry; I mean short stories; I mean possibly picking up my novel again... I sound like any other English major: "I went into English because I like to write...you know, stories and stuff..."
I remember the first time I wrote a story for someone else to read. It was sixth grade, and it was about a girl who got accepted to go to a boarding school for dancers and she goes and meets friends and boys and it has a weak happy ending. I wrote it on the computer, printed it out in purple ink, and gave it to my teacher to read. It was twelve pages long. I still have it somewhere, and I'm prettyy sure that teacher told me it was wonderful, she probably was trying to not hurt my feelings. I am still friends with that teacher on facebook, she is really close to me.
But for the past five years or so I've been working on a concept of a novel, and another reason why I'm looking forward to April is that with the end of the year brings free time for me to start reading recreationally again aswell, and also possibly actually sit down, and I am thinking about in addition to writing this everyday, writing something like a chapter of this novel everyday. This pledge is in the works, stay tuned for an actual promise.
I feel proud of myself that I've stuck with this for this long! Its almost been a month, and I do love to write down my thoughts everyday. Some days I have nothing to say, and it shows. But other days (today included) and most of them I do have an idea, and I do look forward to writing it. Hell, I put off this beautiful critical essay to rant on and on about my writing.
So if you have a hobby, let it be sketching or writing or shopping if that's what you like, I challenge you to turn it into a project. Give it a purpose, a meaning. I'm debating giving every week a theme for my blogs, maybe the first week of february will be about childhood memories or my favourite literature, but that is all in the works right now. Chances are I'll post some sort of make-shift schedule of that on the first of February.
Is that ground hog day? Or is that the second? I've never been good with day.
Have a lovely evening!
Jess :]
its a messenger bag,
and what's the message? this is a purse?
[twenty-six]
I've spent the last couple of days at home attempting to finish work and relax. The latter of the two is an easier escapade than the former, and it has good reason to. It is hard to finish anything pressing when there is an abundance of television, food, and bed space to occupy widely available at any time day or night. It is worse when there is no classes, no pressing deadlines, people to see, and the distracting internet.
So I've been working on finishing Austen's Persuasion, a resume, some assignments and other readings that need to be finished, but everything seems to drop to the waist-side when life gets in the way. School fades to black when there are so many other interesting things to look at, thus creating distractions diversions aversions anything you can think of.
What is the meaning of all of this?
It means school should stay at school. When I come home, I need to focus on my home life and as little school work as possible to be as efficient as possible. Hopefully this tactic works for reading week, I have this sneaking suspicion it won't do so well.
I also need to remind myself to ask about the personal thing and the online banking.
So if you are battling the school crusade or spending an evening in the castle amongst fire, friends, and food, I hope that today anything you wanted to accomplish has been successful, and I hope that tomorrow brings a wonderful day regardless of work, stress, location, or relaxation time.
And always remember to take time to be silly.
Love,
Jess :]
[twenty-six]
I've spent the last couple of days at home attempting to finish work and relax. The latter of the two is an easier escapade than the former, and it has good reason to. It is hard to finish anything pressing when there is an abundance of television, food, and bed space to occupy widely available at any time day or night. It is worse when there is no classes, no pressing deadlines, people to see, and the distracting internet.
So I've been working on finishing Austen's Persuasion, a resume, some assignments and other readings that need to be finished, but everything seems to drop to the waist-side when life gets in the way. School fades to black when there are so many other interesting things to look at, thus creating distractions diversions aversions anything you can think of.
What is the meaning of all of this?
It means school should stay at school. When I come home, I need to focus on my home life and as little school work as possible to be as efficient as possible. Hopefully this tactic works for reading week, I have this sneaking suspicion it won't do so well.
I also need to remind myself to ask about the personal thing and the online banking.
So if you are battling the school crusade or spending an evening in the castle amongst fire, friends, and food, I hope that today anything you wanted to accomplish has been successful, and I hope that tomorrow brings a wonderful day regardless of work, stress, location, or relaxation time.
And always remember to take time to be silly.
Love,
Jess :]
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
in all these cases there are established useages
[twenty-five]
Some people prosper in the whirlwind of pressure, time crunches, and busy-ness, but I seem to just press on in a slow vigorous waltz down the highway of finished-ville, which makes for a very long day. I've been around the block twice today but it feels like I've made no progress, and the work piles up for miles and miles and I feel like I can't climb it...
If I had free time anymore just to myself I would probably do some of the work that I've been putting off, and that is an odd concept. I have been needing to read a couple of plays, but whenever I p lan to actually read them something more pressing comes up. If I had an hour or two to myself I bet I'd get a whole play done, and that would be on scheduled free time.
It is a terrible business, scheduling your free time. It defeats the purpose really, when you have to tell yourself when to take breaks or have time to yourself. When life isn't a constant set of activities and things change, you could be in the zone writing a paper but five o'clock hits and you know that you booked that time off for a break, and then bam good ideas gone. Its deteriorating for your work, well, mainly my work.
So if you're on a roll keep on rollin' and give yourself a reward when you're done. If you're stuck in a not-wanting-to-actually-do-anything mood, take a break, and then make a goal and reqard yourself with relaxing after that goal. It is the concept of planned relaxation, which seems to be the story of my life.
I've written an entire paper today, edited another, finished a resume, and read the first couple chapters of a book.. It doesn't look as productive as it really was, and there's still so much more to do... If I can't keep up with this work I just don't know anymore. You should see how busy I'm going to be this friday afternoon and saturday, it actually looks like NO free time, NO breaks, and NO relaxation for me!
Take care, hope you get everything you're supposed to be doing done, and that you can take a break!
Jess :]
Some people prosper in the whirlwind of pressure, time crunches, and busy-ness, but I seem to just press on in a slow vigorous waltz down the highway of finished-ville, which makes for a very long day. I've been around the block twice today but it feels like I've made no progress, and the work piles up for miles and miles and I feel like I can't climb it...
If I had free time anymore just to myself I would probably do some of the work that I've been putting off, and that is an odd concept. I have been needing to read a couple of plays, but whenever I p lan to actually read them something more pressing comes up. If I had an hour or two to myself I bet I'd get a whole play done, and that would be on scheduled free time.
It is a terrible business, scheduling your free time. It defeats the purpose really, when you have to tell yourself when to take breaks or have time to yourself. When life isn't a constant set of activities and things change, you could be in the zone writing a paper but five o'clock hits and you know that you booked that time off for a break, and then bam good ideas gone. Its deteriorating for your work, well, mainly my work.
So if you're on a roll keep on rollin' and give yourself a reward when you're done. If you're stuck in a not-wanting-to-actually-do-anything mood, take a break, and then make a goal and reqard yourself with relaxing after that goal. It is the concept of planned relaxation, which seems to be the story of my life.
I've written an entire paper today, edited another, finished a resume, and read the first couple chapters of a book.. It doesn't look as productive as it really was, and there's still so much more to do... If I can't keep up with this work I just don't know anymore. You should see how busy I'm going to be this friday afternoon and saturday, it actually looks like NO free time, NO breaks, and NO relaxation for me!
Take care, hope you get everything you're supposed to be doing done, and that you can take a break!
Jess :]
Monday, January 24, 2011
its my party
[twenty-four]
The compound of getting older is simple: once a year you celebrate the day that you were born, and everyone sends you wishes of happiness etc. etc., and then you live your life a year older the moment that day is finished. I suppose that it is a nice day, gifts and well wishings and such, but to be honest it is just any other day. It is almost a bigger deal to your mother than it is to you, or should be anyway.
But I guess I do enjoy it, since its my birthday today. I was bombarded with wishes the first minute it started, and to be honest it hasn't stopped... I like my birthday because it is an excuse to get together with people, and for everyone to be happy. In my family we have this tradition that whoever's birthday it is gets to choose the music, the restaurant, the activities, etc. It is your special day, today it is mine.
I had a couple of shots this morning with my girlfriends, and then had a relaxing night watching sex and the city until I fell asleep. Breakfast this morning and then a beer at lunch, and the rest of the day spent relaxing makes for an awesome birthday. Now I am with the boy-friend and we are going to have some wine and watch movies, and it has been a wonderful day. I don't need to be busy, I just need to be with people I love and happy.
The first memory I can remember is of my third birthday and everyone is singing hapu birthday to me, and I am crying. I am embarassed, and I don't know what to do or say. I feel like that on my birthday sometimes, because I feel like it is a lot of unecessary attention... If its subtle then it is appreciated, however.
So if you've had your birthday already this year, or if you're waiting desperately for your special day: Just remember that you are special everyday, you don't need one day to celebrate. I had a wonderful birthday, and I hope you have a wonderful night.
Jess :]
The compound of getting older is simple: once a year you celebrate the day that you were born, and everyone sends you wishes of happiness etc. etc., and then you live your life a year older the moment that day is finished. I suppose that it is a nice day, gifts and well wishings and such, but to be honest it is just any other day. It is almost a bigger deal to your mother than it is to you, or should be anyway.
But I guess I do enjoy it, since its my birthday today. I was bombarded with wishes the first minute it started, and to be honest it hasn't stopped... I like my birthday because it is an excuse to get together with people, and for everyone to be happy. In my family we have this tradition that whoever's birthday it is gets to choose the music, the restaurant, the activities, etc. It is your special day, today it is mine.
I had a couple of shots this morning with my girlfriends, and then had a relaxing night watching sex and the city until I fell asleep. Breakfast this morning and then a beer at lunch, and the rest of the day spent relaxing makes for an awesome birthday. Now I am with the boy-friend and we are going to have some wine and watch movies, and it has been a wonderful day. I don't need to be busy, I just need to be with people I love and happy.
The first memory I can remember is of my third birthday and everyone is singing hapu birthday to me, and I am crying. I am embarassed, and I don't know what to do or say. I feel like that on my birthday sometimes, because I feel like it is a lot of unecessary attention... If its subtle then it is appreciated, however.
So if you've had your birthday already this year, or if you're waiting desperately for your special day: Just remember that you are special everyday, you don't need one day to celebrate. I had a wonderful birthday, and I hope you have a wonderful night.
Jess :]
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