[one hundred, twenty-seven]
Truly, honestly, I worry. I love I care, but most of all I worry. I don't sleep, I send my thoughts my believing my heart everything into strength for anyone who needs it. I do not pray, but I do send the best thoughts the best strong thoughts. If you read this, please, please send good thoughts to one of my closest friends. I can't say why, but he needs it right now, he needs every good vibe, every smile, every heart-warm-love-filled intention toward him right now. This moment, right now.
I believe in the people who I love, and care about, and I know that he will be fine, and that everyone I know will support him regardless of anything that has happened in the past. I love you.
love,
Jess :]
Saturday, May 7, 2011
chicken fried
[one hundred, twenty-six]
The night is darkest before the dawn.
You can't feel true happiness if you have not yet felt pain/sadness.
I have this theory that if you are loved enough, or if you yourself love enough, then you are on the surefire path to success, regardless of what you do in life or your values or ideals. People put too much emphasis on your values, understandable though since those are the ideals that are most important to you, but wouldn't it make more sense to form those values around things that you love, are passionate about, but they can be tangible? I've said it many times that I can't stand people who don't have an op[inion, but it's even more irritating if people are closed minded.
Open your eyes, open your mind, open the doors.
If you want to get anywhere you have to be subject to compromise, that being on the road, in education, in life in general there is not one path one plan that you follow. Some people are dangerously misguided in the fact that they can be at a comfortable area in their life on the same routine everyday. You won't meet the love of your life just going to class, taking notes, sitting silently, and leaving everyday. You need to make an effort, but if that is your ideal to just demand success on schoolwork, than that's cool. But what if your soulmate is sitting beside you in calculus and you never even ask him the time? Start a conversation, take a risk, it's worht it.
What have ya got to lose?
I have this feeling that lately I've been taking risks, and have had an open mind towards new things such as religion, but even more liberal practises and education. I have an inkling to start researching, to witness and experience new things. I want to be, I want to live I want to breathe new experiences. I want to take life and hold its hand and be there, in the moment. I want to take opportunities and try new things. I encourage you all to do the same, but to be honest, it's terrifying, so I don't know if that'll be the safest route, especially if you're still looking for yourself.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm completely lost when it comes to my identity.
I know who I am on a general skeleton-basis, and I know who and what I want to be, but I want to make a journey out of everything. I'm not leaving any doors closed, I'm keeping the majority open, all open, never to be locked away.
So have a lovely evening, this is late so there will be another one later tonight.
take care,
Jess :]
The night is darkest before the dawn.
You can't feel true happiness if you have not yet felt pain/sadness.
I have this theory that if you are loved enough, or if you yourself love enough, then you are on the surefire path to success, regardless of what you do in life or your values or ideals. People put too much emphasis on your values, understandable though since those are the ideals that are most important to you, but wouldn't it make more sense to form those values around things that you love, are passionate about, but they can be tangible? I've said it many times that I can't stand people who don't have an op[inion, but it's even more irritating if people are closed minded.
Open your eyes, open your mind, open the doors.
If you want to get anywhere you have to be subject to compromise, that being on the road, in education, in life in general there is not one path one plan that you follow. Some people are dangerously misguided in the fact that they can be at a comfortable area in their life on the same routine everyday. You won't meet the love of your life just going to class, taking notes, sitting silently, and leaving everyday. You need to make an effort, but if that is your ideal to just demand success on schoolwork, than that's cool. But what if your soulmate is sitting beside you in calculus and you never even ask him the time? Start a conversation, take a risk, it's worht it.
What have ya got to lose?
I have this feeling that lately I've been taking risks, and have had an open mind towards new things such as religion, but even more liberal practises and education. I have an inkling to start researching, to witness and experience new things. I want to be, I want to live I want to breathe new experiences. I want to take life and hold its hand and be there, in the moment. I want to take opportunities and try new things. I encourage you all to do the same, but to be honest, it's terrifying, so I don't know if that'll be the safest route, especially if you're still looking for yourself.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm completely lost when it comes to my identity.
I know who I am on a general skeleton-basis, and I know who and what I want to be, but I want to make a journey out of everything. I'm not leaving any doors closed, I'm keeping the majority open, all open, never to be locked away.
So have a lovely evening, this is late so there will be another one later tonight.
take care,
Jess :]
Thursday, May 5, 2011
I don't mean to toot my own horn
[one hundred, twenty five]
I don't feel well today, so I'm not going to write a lot. I am exhausted, and I have just read all day. I feel like if the world stopped turning and I could just lay in my bathing suit in the sun with maybe some pink lemonade that'd be delicious, but it all depends on how my head and tummy feels after. I want to be distracted again, ya know? I want a distraction I want people to want to hang out with me, go out of their way, I do it for friggen everyone and bam! Nada. That's fine, not a huge deal. I don't wanna complain, because it is fantastic out, and I can sleep a lot tomorrow so that's fine.. Have a lovely evening! I think I'm going to either stay up late or sleep real early, it aaaaaall depends!
If I were the wind you'd be the leaves, unknowingly being carried by me. If you refuse and drop to the ground, I think I'd disappear without a sound.
Take care,
Jess :]
I don't feel well today, so I'm not going to write a lot. I am exhausted, and I have just read all day. I feel like if the world stopped turning and I could just lay in my bathing suit in the sun with maybe some pink lemonade that'd be delicious, but it all depends on how my head and tummy feels after. I want to be distracted again, ya know? I want a distraction I want people to want to hang out with me, go out of their way, I do it for friggen everyone and bam! Nada. That's fine, not a huge deal. I don't wanna complain, because it is fantastic out, and I can sleep a lot tomorrow so that's fine.. Have a lovely evening! I think I'm going to either stay up late or sleep real early, it aaaaaall depends!
If I were the wind you'd be the leaves, unknowingly being carried by me. If you refuse and drop to the ground, I think I'd disappear without a sound.
Take care,
Jess :]
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
all we need is just a little patience
[one hundred, twenty-four]
After spending some time at home I have come to realise that life has so much in it, but so many people don't take the time to look through it all. Once, when I was little, I did a flip off of the picnic table in the backyard. It was in the summer months, so it was warm and when I fell I hit the grass so hard the world went silent. I couldn't think, I remember that (haha) but I just lay there, frozen, staring up at the sky. I think, other than other random times with a grandparents or something, that was the first time that I had relatively voluntarilly laid down on my back and looked at the clouds (or atleast this is my first memory of doing so).
I remember not thinking anything, but just looking at how blue the sky was, how really blue it was. It resembled the colour of my best friend's kitchen, or the colour of paint that mom pulled out around easter time. I was just there, drinking in the sky, but I wasn't really taking in the severity of this moment, the true meaning of what had happened.
I had acknowledged myself under something, below a thing a tangible (again, relatively) and unique and beautiful, and I, although in a lot of pain and shock, realised that I was little but there. I was a part of something, I was in the world living breathing little thing. I obviously didn't realise all of these things at once, or in these clearly thought out written sentence forms, but I knew that I was there and I could feel pain, and I could see, and I could hear and touch and understand things. I was young, like I said, probably around three or four, and I had realised that life was a living thing, the only thing I was missing was the importance of human interaction, and I was well on my way to becoming a person.
So what I'm trying to say really, is that everyone needs to take that one moment, that one defining moment, the memory that makes you realise that there is something to life other than being, there is nothing to life but understanding that you are a person, and you fit into the world under the sky and above the ground, breathing, taking chances, and loving. I live by these, clearly, from this memory. This particular event also taught me to beware of picnic tables as they are high and you can fall off and it hurts, but I think my mom gave me a freezie after this, so it all turned out alright in the end.
So if you are spending the day in school, or at work, or at home, or alone, take a minute, look at the blueness of the sky (since it's actually there today, I see the sun!) and appreciate that you are here. You are here. You are here.
love,
Jess :]
After spending some time at home I have come to realise that life has so much in it, but so many people don't take the time to look through it all. Once, when I was little, I did a flip off of the picnic table in the backyard. It was in the summer months, so it was warm and when I fell I hit the grass so hard the world went silent. I couldn't think, I remember that (haha) but I just lay there, frozen, staring up at the sky. I think, other than other random times with a grandparents or something, that was the first time that I had relatively voluntarilly laid down on my back and looked at the clouds (or atleast this is my first memory of doing so).
I remember not thinking anything, but just looking at how blue the sky was, how really blue it was. It resembled the colour of my best friend's kitchen, or the colour of paint that mom pulled out around easter time. I was just there, drinking in the sky, but I wasn't really taking in the severity of this moment, the true meaning of what had happened.
I had acknowledged myself under something, below a thing a tangible (again, relatively) and unique and beautiful, and I, although in a lot of pain and shock, realised that I was little but there. I was a part of something, I was in the world living breathing little thing. I obviously didn't realise all of these things at once, or in these clearly thought out written sentence forms, but I knew that I was there and I could feel pain, and I could see, and I could hear and touch and understand things. I was young, like I said, probably around three or four, and I had realised that life was a living thing, the only thing I was missing was the importance of human interaction, and I was well on my way to becoming a person.
So what I'm trying to say really, is that everyone needs to take that one moment, that one defining moment, the memory that makes you realise that there is something to life other than being, there is nothing to life but understanding that you are a person, and you fit into the world under the sky and above the ground, breathing, taking chances, and loving. I live by these, clearly, from this memory. This particular event also taught me to beware of picnic tables as they are high and you can fall off and it hurts, but I think my mom gave me a freezie after this, so it all turned out alright in the end.
So if you are spending the day in school, or at work, or at home, or alone, take a minute, look at the blueness of the sky (since it's actually there today, I see the sun!) and appreciate that you are here. You are here. You are here.
love,
Jess :]
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
if i gots the blues than you do owe, me
[one hundred, twenty-three]
solemn, as if glued to the floor,
I was trying to leave but shadows blocked the door,
I was screaming at heaven, but wishing for hell,
and only then did I hear the bell,
I thought it was you so I opened my eyes,
let the light in and listened to lies,
they flew, they frollicked,
I caught them with my net,
and tied them up in packages so I wouldn't forget,
although it isn't much I saved up a dime,
and pushed it in the mail slot for a minute's time,
it hit the floor with a crash, I heard,
you pocketed that too,
In the morning I was still standing in the hall,
you shouldn't have called,
since I listened I repressed and took it as a sign,
to turn off the lights, and begin to remind
myself of the time,
where life was sublime,
without thinking of the things that pass through the shadowed front door
focus: rhyme, lack of strucutre/pace, saying the same thing in every stanza
felt like poetry today, anyone surprised? I am...it sucks, I know, because it didn't take me long to write. I hate writing poetry because I suck at it, but, whatever.
Jess :]
solemn, as if glued to the floor,
I was trying to leave but shadows blocked the door,
I was screaming at heaven, but wishing for hell,
and only then did I hear the bell,
I thought it was you so I opened my eyes,
let the light in and listened to lies,
they flew, they frollicked,
I caught them with my net,
and tied them up in packages so I wouldn't forget,
although it isn't much I saved up a dime,
and pushed it in the mail slot for a minute's time,
it hit the floor with a crash, I heard,
you pocketed that too,
In the morning I was still standing in the hall,
you shouldn't have called,
since I listened I repressed and took it as a sign,
to turn off the lights, and begin to remind
myself of the time,
where life was sublime,
without thinking of the things that pass through the shadowed front door
focus: rhyme, lack of strucutre/pace, saying the same thing in every stanza
felt like poetry today, anyone surprised? I am...it sucks, I know, because it didn't take me long to write. I hate writing poetry because I suck at it, but, whatever.
Jess :]
Monday, May 2, 2011
if this is the end, it's not where I want to be.
[one hundred, twenty two]
One of my biggest fears is running out of time. I want to do so many things in my life, and I haven't written a list or anything, but I need to accomplish certain things before I am done here, and I feel like the scariest thing is not having time to do them all. I recently wrote down, in order, the places around the world that I want to visit. I have decided that at some time or another I want to live in NYC, Lond, Toronto, and in a bungalow. I have decided that I want to see everything I possibly can before I can't see anything at all. I want to see.
I see you.
Thinking about fears, it is a human condition that is a solid staple through out evolution. I mean, the cave men were afraid of, well, death, and probably their fires running out and if they couldn't find enough food. through out history there is overlapping evidence that the drives in men are fuelled by fear. Some people claim to have none, to be fearless, but those people are far from perfect. I would even gander to say that they are gutless, and probably psychotic. Everyone is afraid of something, let it be the dark, losing power, dying, failing, falling, everyone is afraid of anythoing and it is a fear no matter how small.
I have this feeling that a common fear for people is other people knowing that they are afraid. I am afraid, every day, of losing someone, running out of time, the dark, falling, losing my fire, and so many things, but I don't let those things hinder how I live my life, but replenish the fire, the drive that I have to live. If the world is full of fear, and it is, why just shut down and close off your life? Why give up if there is so much to be afraid of if the fear comes from risks? Take risks, take lots, live life, love everyone, smile every moment possible, and never give up on yourself, because it is totally, totally worth it.
I love you, because that isn't said enough, I'll say it to whoever reads this, which is probably just me lately. I promise that my writing binge will happen in the next two weeks, and that I will get to know myself better through this risk. Take a new one everyday, :)
love, always,
Jess :]
One of my biggest fears is running out of time. I want to do so many things in my life, and I haven't written a list or anything, but I need to accomplish certain things before I am done here, and I feel like the scariest thing is not having time to do them all. I recently wrote down, in order, the places around the world that I want to visit. I have decided that at some time or another I want to live in NYC, Lond, Toronto, and in a bungalow. I have decided that I want to see everything I possibly can before I can't see anything at all. I want to see.
I see you.
Thinking about fears, it is a human condition that is a solid staple through out evolution. I mean, the cave men were afraid of, well, death, and probably their fires running out and if they couldn't find enough food. through out history there is overlapping evidence that the drives in men are fuelled by fear. Some people claim to have none, to be fearless, but those people are far from perfect. I would even gander to say that they are gutless, and probably psychotic. Everyone is afraid of something, let it be the dark, losing power, dying, failing, falling, everyone is afraid of anythoing and it is a fear no matter how small.
I have this feeling that a common fear for people is other people knowing that they are afraid. I am afraid, every day, of losing someone, running out of time, the dark, falling, losing my fire, and so many things, but I don't let those things hinder how I live my life, but replenish the fire, the drive that I have to live. If the world is full of fear, and it is, why just shut down and close off your life? Why give up if there is so much to be afraid of if the fear comes from risks? Take risks, take lots, live life, love everyone, smile every moment possible, and never give up on yourself, because it is totally, totally worth it.
I love you, because that isn't said enough, I'll say it to whoever reads this, which is probably just me lately. I promise that my writing binge will happen in the next two weeks, and that I will get to know myself better through this risk. Take a new one everyday, :)
love, always,
Jess :]
Sunday, May 1, 2011
I'M BURNIN UP FOR YOU BABY
[one hundred, twenty-one]
I hate the Jonas Brothers, but I absolutely loved that song. I have this thing with music that if I like one song I can, but if the band sucks it sucks. The J-Bro's were mainly focusing on their fame, less on their music, more on what they could sell. The definition there-in-lies that they suck. However, if you take one relatively okay song, and mix it with repetition on steroids, the song in question becomes catchier than intended. If there is any consolation in this, this is how music becomes popular, but it all begins with taking risks.
I am all for taking risks musically, because tehre is always a reason that the people on the radio refuse to play an abundance (or any at all) local artists, or promote local shows, and thus defines more clearly the sell-out. If you truly love music, and it is your passion, you will have an open mind. You can certainly have opinions. I, for example, don't care too much for twenty-first century bands with female singers. This is a generalization; it does not mean that I will refuse to listen to female artists or singers, it just means I prefer not to. I think that if I refused altogether I'd be neglectful, and closed-minded. Today is a day for definitions.
As much as I love music, I tend to be very defensive about it. I find that people who love music are always a certain type of person that is clear and concise with their musical choices. You can tell a person's style and interests by their favourite band, and if you catch a glimpse of anyone's itunes it is like catching a glimpse into their being, their spirit, it is an inspiration and an aura of their person. It is important to who they are, if they value talent and maintain a stable, albeit oppinionated, state of choices when it comes to music. If you love it, you know it inside and out. If you are a music person, your music reflects you--or rather, you reflect your music.
We are formed and shaped by our choices, this doesn't exclude music. I wouldn't be the same person today if I didn't pick up that Godzilla soundtrack when I was twelve, that had the song "heroes" by David Bowie on it. I would not be the same person today if I didn't love "Burning up" by the Jonas Brothers, what I listen to shapes who I am. I have this thing about my itunes however, that you have to ask to look through it. I hate it when people judge my music, because it is so close to me, or if they want to "take" it all, it is like they are taking my identity. This is just who I am, I think in music, my thoughts can be deciphered on a five-lined staff or through headphones. It is me.
But my life isn't music, I wouldn't die without it, I would never say that my life revolves around the music I enjoy. I think people who say that are full of shit, because they don't know the bands, they don't know the intentions, but they do know the effects that it has on them. It makes more sense to say that it is a part of you, or it molds who you are, as opposed to saying that your life is about it. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but I am a devotee of music and I don't think my life revolves around it, I'm a music junkie, what can I say?
I DIG MUSIC.
That's all for tonight I think, youtube burnin' up for me tonight, take a minute, lkisten to the words, dance, etc. It's catchy, it makes you smile, it's fun to sing. I'm going to have some relaxation time, which is what the next four months are for!
Take care,
Jess :]
I hate the Jonas Brothers, but I absolutely loved that song. I have this thing with music that if I like one song I can, but if the band sucks it sucks. The J-Bro's were mainly focusing on their fame, less on their music, more on what they could sell. The definition there-in-lies that they suck. However, if you take one relatively okay song, and mix it with repetition on steroids, the song in question becomes catchier than intended. If there is any consolation in this, this is how music becomes popular, but it all begins with taking risks.
I am all for taking risks musically, because tehre is always a reason that the people on the radio refuse to play an abundance (or any at all) local artists, or promote local shows, and thus defines more clearly the sell-out. If you truly love music, and it is your passion, you will have an open mind. You can certainly have opinions. I, for example, don't care too much for twenty-first century bands with female singers. This is a generalization; it does not mean that I will refuse to listen to female artists or singers, it just means I prefer not to. I think that if I refused altogether I'd be neglectful, and closed-minded. Today is a day for definitions.
As much as I love music, I tend to be very defensive about it. I find that people who love music are always a certain type of person that is clear and concise with their musical choices. You can tell a person's style and interests by their favourite band, and if you catch a glimpse of anyone's itunes it is like catching a glimpse into their being, their spirit, it is an inspiration and an aura of their person. It is important to who they are, if they value talent and maintain a stable, albeit oppinionated, state of choices when it comes to music. If you love it, you know it inside and out. If you are a music person, your music reflects you--or rather, you reflect your music.
We are formed and shaped by our choices, this doesn't exclude music. I wouldn't be the same person today if I didn't pick up that Godzilla soundtrack when I was twelve, that had the song "heroes" by David Bowie on it. I would not be the same person today if I didn't love "Burning up" by the Jonas Brothers, what I listen to shapes who I am. I have this thing about my itunes however, that you have to ask to look through it. I hate it when people judge my music, because it is so close to me, or if they want to "take" it all, it is like they are taking my identity. This is just who I am, I think in music, my thoughts can be deciphered on a five-lined staff or through headphones. It is me.
But my life isn't music, I wouldn't die without it, I would never say that my life revolves around the music I enjoy. I think people who say that are full of shit, because they don't know the bands, they don't know the intentions, but they do know the effects that it has on them. It makes more sense to say that it is a part of you, or it molds who you are, as opposed to saying that your life is about it. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but I am a devotee of music and I don't think my life revolves around it, I'm a music junkie, what can I say?
I DIG MUSIC.
That's all for tonight I think, youtube burnin' up for me tonight, take a minute, lkisten to the words, dance, etc. It's catchy, it makes you smile, it's fun to sing. I'm going to have some relaxation time, which is what the next four months are for!
Take care,
Jess :]
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