[two hundred, twenty-nine]
a cozy smile blossomed under the bright pink mittens covering her face, and i noticed that not only did she smile with a toothless, innocent virtuosity, but she also couldn't stop. i think it was then, that i realised that she was my baby. she knew, of course, what with her pink matching snowsuit that puffed out in all directions and her dark brown eyes and hair, eyes and hair that had been matching her mother's since she was born. there i was, staring at the child, as if she was just a thing that had found me on the street, even though i knew somehwere, she was the baby. i remember the baby, it was small and in a bright pink blanket close to that of the mittens, a direct twin, possibly, and i remember the dark hair that dark hair that matches me that twinned my own, and i remember thinking my oh my this baby is so portable and tiny. i thought about taking her in my baskets to the market but he said no. he always said no to fun things, but the baby smiled at me a lot, and when it got older she smiled with her brown eyes and matching hair to mine, and the pink. ah yes, it must be this one, the pink. he put her in pink so that if i did forget, which i did, a lot, i would remember that in order to bring everything home with me, if i forgot nothing else, always remember pink. her little face was half covered by her mittens, and she was saying that it is me mama it is your--and i stopped her and took her little face into mine, and i looked at my Rosie and i said, my little baby.
focus: unrecognisability, alzheimers?, memory loss?. character development, this one's been walking around my head for a bit, she's lost.
Jess :]
Saturday, August 20, 2011
squeeze past the mystery and open the door
[two hundred, twenty-eight]
The only downfall to living in the basement is the lack of light. I always dream about living in a bit, darkly shaded oak wood floored house with large bay windows on every wall, that blew white satin curtains when opened, and the entire house was painted in different shades of blue, green, and yellow, with the main bedroom and dining rooms painted red. I don't know why so specific, but it seems like a big country house, something home-y, where there is a pie cooling on the stove top, and a large pitcher of ice water on the counter, with some low jazz playing. At night there would be only red wine and more jazz, but everything would be like a darkly lit dinner party, with friends talking and laughing. What a fantasy dream world I live in, the inside of my head must be littered with forgotten pictures like this. Hard wood, hard times, hard pictures.
My dreams come on slates in my head, when I want to look at an old one I just blow the dust off the slate and dip myself in, like a pensieve, but less watery. My dreams and memories come in dry storage, which is luckilly very good in times of absolute tragedy or turmoil. All are organised by mood or emotion that I need, sometimes by age, sometimes by friend groups or family situations. Sometimes they are categorized by seasons, so a Christmas dream set in the same place as a Fall dream can be found in the season section, but it would be different with age. A lot of my dreams of late are categorized that way just so that I can get the clothing right. You can't wear strappy sandals during Christmas dreams, unless those dreams are set in a tropical place.
All of this is irrelevant to anyone who cannot get into my head, which, fortunately for me, is absolutely no one. The best part about this, is that it all stays in. I have my own perfect world, inside.
I need to catch the train back to reality,
Jess :]
The only downfall to living in the basement is the lack of light. I always dream about living in a bit, darkly shaded oak wood floored house with large bay windows on every wall, that blew white satin curtains when opened, and the entire house was painted in different shades of blue, green, and yellow, with the main bedroom and dining rooms painted red. I don't know why so specific, but it seems like a big country house, something home-y, where there is a pie cooling on the stove top, and a large pitcher of ice water on the counter, with some low jazz playing. At night there would be only red wine and more jazz, but everything would be like a darkly lit dinner party, with friends talking and laughing. What a fantasy dream world I live in, the inside of my head must be littered with forgotten pictures like this. Hard wood, hard times, hard pictures.
My dreams come on slates in my head, when I want to look at an old one I just blow the dust off the slate and dip myself in, like a pensieve, but less watery. My dreams and memories come in dry storage, which is luckilly very good in times of absolute tragedy or turmoil. All are organised by mood or emotion that I need, sometimes by age, sometimes by friend groups or family situations. Sometimes they are categorized by seasons, so a Christmas dream set in the same place as a Fall dream can be found in the season section, but it would be different with age. A lot of my dreams of late are categorized that way just so that I can get the clothing right. You can't wear strappy sandals during Christmas dreams, unless those dreams are set in a tropical place.
All of this is irrelevant to anyone who cannot get into my head, which, fortunately for me, is absolutely no one. The best part about this, is that it all stays in. I have my own perfect world, inside.
I need to catch the train back to reality,
Jess :]
steamboat dreams
[two hundred, twenty seven]
Oh boy, I've been having such a lovely day. I read blogs sometimes, and they're all about how the persons' life is depressing, and they're introvertedly down on themselves, and sometimes my blog is like that, I get all hard on myself, miss perfectionist, not good enough, no purpose blah blah blah, but for the most part I do my best to keep it to plain old complaining or positivity. Today, has been a lovely day.
I woke up and showered, had breakfast, spent a good hour and a bit outside talking to my landlord about how beautiful this day was. I met some of my upsper floor housemates, and ultimately just spent lunch hour laying on my couch reading vogues, with the fashion channel playing. I feel like in the past year I have drifted away from reading magazine, journalistic articles, to becoming a fashionista. Although I have no money or style to input into my fashion sense, I don't admire it any less.
I think it is a terribly structured industry, with unrealistic expectations for beauty, and the specific focus on the size and shape of a woman, and all of the imperfections should be erased, it just all seems so... well, full of shit. I mean, nobody's perfect, unfortauntely, and you have to deal with what you're dealt, there's no 'easy' button for life, it's something you have to get through on your own.
But for me fashion is a statement, a symbol of so much effort of artists putting ideas and passion into designing and working on these clothes and accessories. Maybe this makes me imperially materialistc, I don't think so, since I hardly indulge myself in anything. I have not and never will buy anything from burrberry as it is too expensive, it does not stop me from falling into a passionate love affair with their new red trench coats, or the fact that they have a designer baby line.
I thought that htis was interesting, anyway, as it shows a lot about how I care for passionate things.
love,
Jess :]
Oh boy, I've been having such a lovely day. I read blogs sometimes, and they're all about how the persons' life is depressing, and they're introvertedly down on themselves, and sometimes my blog is like that, I get all hard on myself, miss perfectionist, not good enough, no purpose blah blah blah, but for the most part I do my best to keep it to plain old complaining or positivity. Today, has been a lovely day.
I woke up and showered, had breakfast, spent a good hour and a bit outside talking to my landlord about how beautiful this day was. I met some of my upsper floor housemates, and ultimately just spent lunch hour laying on my couch reading vogues, with the fashion channel playing. I feel like in the past year I have drifted away from reading magazine, journalistic articles, to becoming a fashionista. Although I have no money or style to input into my fashion sense, I don't admire it any less.
I think it is a terribly structured industry, with unrealistic expectations for beauty, and the specific focus on the size and shape of a woman, and all of the imperfections should be erased, it just all seems so... well, full of shit. I mean, nobody's perfect, unfortauntely, and you have to deal with what you're dealt, there's no 'easy' button for life, it's something you have to get through on your own.
But for me fashion is a statement, a symbol of so much effort of artists putting ideas and passion into designing and working on these clothes and accessories. Maybe this makes me imperially materialistc, I don't think so, since I hardly indulge myself in anything. I have not and never will buy anything from burrberry as it is too expensive, it does not stop me from falling into a passionate love affair with their new red trench coats, or the fact that they have a designer baby line.
I thought that htis was interesting, anyway, as it shows a lot about how I care for passionate things.
love,
Jess :]
Friday, August 19, 2011
I wish to be great, I wish to show you greatness
[two hundred, twenty-six?]
I just found out in the same day that two people that had in a way affected my life have died from cancer, and I just cried for a long time. I have detachment issues, especially with death, and to know that someone lost their mum and their daughter today was just hard. I don't want to think about loss but it happens, and I don't want to think about the end but it will come, but until those situations arise, I'm going to be thankful and love.
RIP Mrs P & Esther, you both were incredible people and touched my life let it be, let it be ten years ago or one year ago, you both affected me in unknowing, loving ways, and will be remembered by me. If you want to support Esther's special foundation for cancer, purchase a 'This Star Won't Go Out' bracelet here: http://dftba.com/product/wv/This-Star-Wont-Go-Out-bracelet#!/d/cart , I have to wait a little while in order to order mine, but when I can order it I will probably purchase a couple.
DFTBA,
Jess :]
I just found out in the same day that two people that had in a way affected my life have died from cancer, and I just cried for a long time. I have detachment issues, especially with death, and to know that someone lost their mum and their daughter today was just hard. I don't want to think about loss but it happens, and I don't want to think about the end but it will come, but until those situations arise, I'm going to be thankful and love.
RIP Mrs P & Esther, you both were incredible people and touched my life let it be, let it be ten years ago or one year ago, you both affected me in unknowing, loving ways, and will be remembered by me. If you want to support Esther's special foundation for cancer, purchase a 'This Star Won't Go Out' bracelet here: http://dftba.com/product/wv/This-Star-Wont-Go-Out-bracelet#!/d/cart , I have to wait a little while in order to order mine, but when I can order it I will probably purchase a couple.
DFTBA,
Jess :]
was that too many s's or what?
[two hundred, twenty-five]
I love writing a lot, I mean, I love to write this, because this is all about my thoughts and my poetry and my random thought writing character developmenting, stuff. But I love to write anything. I loved writing that essay I mentioned my last post about interdependence in world politics, I loved writing my last english exam essay, because I can expand ideas and make things sound cute or Jessie-like, but the conclusion I'm trying to draw out here, is that I love to write, period.
I have tried starting and finishing stories, I wrote one two months ago that ended up being thirty pages of a story that, not to toot my own trumpet or anything but man do I actually love that story. I think it is in the style that I will be writing everything else for the rest of my life, and that is no quotation marks, no dialogue that is puntuationally correct, but more like an inside-your-mind in-depth windings. I love the word windings, because it is like how my mind works, it winds.
A pinwheel, I suppose, and I write things in that way, for example:
The dream was dark I guess, and tragic, tragic in such a way that when I saw it through my eyes and it wasn't about me but it was her I was down, down lower and slower than anything really in the dream because the dream was up up and away-stick style, like the tops of a tree. The star on the top of the tree, in fact, and it was pinwheeling faster and fell down, but not as deep as I.
It's all about how you look at things, perspective. I want to formulate some sort of thesis on perspective, society, media, and writing. I wonder if that is possible. I feel like that would be incredible to research, to spend time trolling my internets and look at twitter for media in one hundred forty characters or less, with love and hate and spasms in an acute set space; or looking over blogs and networks, man, this is turning into a fantastic thesis starter, I do hope that I can do this.
Ps, I can't wait to travel, a lot.
love,
Jess :]
I love writing a lot, I mean, I love to write this, because this is all about my thoughts and my poetry and my random thought writing character developmenting, stuff. But I love to write anything. I loved writing that essay I mentioned my last post about interdependence in world politics, I loved writing my last english exam essay, because I can expand ideas and make things sound cute or Jessie-like, but the conclusion I'm trying to draw out here, is that I love to write, period.
I have tried starting and finishing stories, I wrote one two months ago that ended up being thirty pages of a story that, not to toot my own trumpet or anything but man do I actually love that story. I think it is in the style that I will be writing everything else for the rest of my life, and that is no quotation marks, no dialogue that is puntuationally correct, but more like an inside-your-mind in-depth windings. I love the word windings, because it is like how my mind works, it winds.
A pinwheel, I suppose, and I write things in that way, for example:
The dream was dark I guess, and tragic, tragic in such a way that when I saw it through my eyes and it wasn't about me but it was her I was down, down lower and slower than anything really in the dream because the dream was up up and away-stick style, like the tops of a tree. The star on the top of the tree, in fact, and it was pinwheeling faster and fell down, but not as deep as I.
It's all about how you look at things, perspective. I want to formulate some sort of thesis on perspective, society, media, and writing. I wonder if that is possible. I feel like that would be incredible to research, to spend time trolling my internets and look at twitter for media in one hundred forty characters or less, with love and hate and spasms in an acute set space; or looking over blogs and networks, man, this is turning into a fantastic thesis starter, I do hope that I can do this.
Ps, I can't wait to travel, a lot.
love,
Jess :]
god this headache is thirsty
[two hundred, twenty-four]
I'm not going to lie to you bloggy baby, I'm running out of idea's to put into you today. I may may may have to stop halfway and add one on for tomorrow, which is a downer.
Sometimes I wish I was smart... Well, actually, I always wish I was smart, always. I wish that my thoughts that happen inside my head about philosophy and people and literature somehow conveyed through my words in speaking and written ways. I try my hardest here, to talk about what I think about people and life and myself, the world, etc. But it is so hard for me to mold things to make sense.
My clothing is hurting me today, not because I'm fat, but because they are unfortunately really uncomfortable.
I could really go for a nap right now, but I know that in the event that I take a nap longer than ten minutes now, I'll not be able to sleep until four am, which, in the grand scheme of things, is an ungood thing.
I would like to express my love for everyone in my life, the people that I see on a regular basis and those that I do not. They are the reason that I get up in the morning, the reason I work so hard at everything, etcetera, etcetera!
I wrote a paper on the state of world politics and interdependence/reliance for my world politics final, and I just watched a video explaining the US debt crisis, and I'm not gonna lie I am positive that I nailed every news item in that essay because I thoroughly understood the news.
New halfway year resolution: read the NYTIMES atleast three times a week. It means that I'm not stuck in a university bubble, there are other things happening in the world, and I will know about some of them.
That is all, until five minutes from now,
Jess L]
I'm not going to lie to you bloggy baby, I'm running out of idea's to put into you today. I may may may have to stop halfway and add one on for tomorrow, which is a downer.
Sometimes I wish I was smart... Well, actually, I always wish I was smart, always. I wish that my thoughts that happen inside my head about philosophy and people and literature somehow conveyed through my words in speaking and written ways. I try my hardest here, to talk about what I think about people and life and myself, the world, etc. But it is so hard for me to mold things to make sense.
My clothing is hurting me today, not because I'm fat, but because they are unfortunately really uncomfortable.
I could really go for a nap right now, but I know that in the event that I take a nap longer than ten minutes now, I'll not be able to sleep until four am, which, in the grand scheme of things, is an ungood thing.
I would like to express my love for everyone in my life, the people that I see on a regular basis and those that I do not. They are the reason that I get up in the morning, the reason I work so hard at everything, etcetera, etcetera!
I wrote a paper on the state of world politics and interdependence/reliance for my world politics final, and I just watched a video explaining the US debt crisis, and I'm not gonna lie I am positive that I nailed every news item in that essay because I thoroughly understood the news.
New halfway year resolution: read the NYTIMES atleast three times a week. It means that I'm not stuck in a university bubble, there are other things happening in the world, and I will know about some of them.
That is all, until five minutes from now,
Jess L]
I gots the strange on the brain
[two hundred, twenty-three?]
I've been thinking about this year coming up, and how I'll be travelling a lot, and I need a new suitcase. Why are such strange things important to me? I will literally need one prior to Christmas break, because we are leaving for Costa Rica Boxing Day, and then next year the travelling extravaganza begins! I feel like I'm going everywhere, which is hoenestly the most exciting thing I've ever gotten to look forward to. I just think that a proper suitcase is in order!
You need one that is a suitable colour (no pun intended), and that has compartments and handles galore. Also, never forget the Canadian flag. Who knows what kind of treatment bags get if there isn't some pride on there! Right now I am suitcase-less, so anything is better than what I've got now!
Take care,
Jess :]
I've been thinking about this year coming up, and how I'll be travelling a lot, and I need a new suitcase. Why are such strange things important to me? I will literally need one prior to Christmas break, because we are leaving for Costa Rica Boxing Day, and then next year the travelling extravaganza begins! I feel like I'm going everywhere, which is hoenestly the most exciting thing I've ever gotten to look forward to. I just think that a proper suitcase is in order!
You need one that is a suitable colour (no pun intended), and that has compartments and handles galore. Also, never forget the Canadian flag. Who knows what kind of treatment bags get if there isn't some pride on there! Right now I am suitcase-less, so anything is better than what I've got now!
Take care,
Jess :]
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