Written on Paper and Folded in Ink

[two hundred, twenty-twp]

A hiss now, bundled up ahove the smokeline where the ceiling met the sky,
a tongue that licked like black potted mess and tropical tree tenderness,
huffing and puffing, chug and choo, but the chewing was done,
the drinking was up and the plates were down,
drowing in suds, rub a dub-stubble and shaving cream,
the hiss continued down the hallway,
the linens were all put and folded up up and away,
until the evening the beds were made, the hissing came,
the hissing fell it did down and under it creaked
instead,
and the bringing brought it down, the singing sound,
the hopping down hallway mind took the hands of all
and slid through the paybox, the mail slip,
the slips of singers under the carolling moonlit walkway light,
it begged a while the sound it curled on crippled knees and chopped notes,
what a fluttering, but the inside was warm and smooth,
and the smells were deep, like oak under the feet,
shuffling, scuffling, downright buffling brown nosed cream down the cracks,
the steam billowed the pickled pillows down from the linen liking locks,
closet doors and trucks toppled truffling tocks, tick and tock,
;round the clock the illness begged and sniffled in the corner by the chair,
and the locks of hair fell flowing as sunrise moved further on,
bitten lips and biting shark ship flowering shows, what was it what was it knows,
it knows the floor the crooked hall,
the itching hiss,
the steaming call,
the tortured underbellied screams,
of locked up dropped up choking checking dreams,
dreams? Dreams.


focus: spoking speaking choking dreaming outloud

Jeess :]

And what, to create? I evolve

[two hundred, twenty-one]

Only about nine more to catch up, I did the actual maths on a sheet of paper, and figured that today I should be at 230, so that is where I shall be by midnight! This may turn into something different, this post that is, by the end. I was thinking about food, I am making a grilled cheese in about four hours, because that's when I plan on having dinner, and hoping that I don't eat much else because I ate way too much bad things yesterday, and I need to work out in a bit because I feel like that is the right thing to do. If you listen to the Beatles than you know that Ringo Starr has a massive nose, I think noses are realtively beautiful to a person, if they are straight or curved or small like in my case, my sister got her nose pierced and I feel like my nose is too small for anything like that. I wish I would get more things pierced, my mum has two regular ear piercings in each ear, which I think is sort of a gorgeous idea, having two pretty little studs on each ear, they could match, or be hoops and rings and dividing studs. Ear rings don't really fascinate me, but the people with them do. I have a friend who gets a new piercing every birthday since she was fourteen, and I think that this masters a whole question of battling individuality in an adolescent searching heroine, seems like the beginning of an eloquent Austen novel, but more contemporary, you don't see any Emma's running around with their petty skirts and curls, with their lips pierced. It shows true courage, I think, but then again, I remember the birdy on my left forearm and think man, I sat there while a man needled an owl into my skin, and I didn't cry. There are so many things to be proud of, and I feel like I am proud of so many people for everything that they do, because they just get up in the morning and shower and smile all day and go to sleep not even thinking anything of their worth or wonderful-ness. Take a bow, ladies and gents, you're the stars today.

That turned out alright, I think.

love,

Jess :]

I lied, there's more

[two hundred, twenty]

I was buying groceries the other day, and I realised how laid back it is. You think to yourself prior to the trip what you would like to eat, what you need, the basics, the things that you're out of, etc. but you never really take into account the amount unless you are providing for a family. I am feeding little old me and that's it, so I was thinking about portions. I eat a moderate amount, and therefore don't feel bad only buying a few things for a week's worth of food. But to be quite clear, I enjoy the shopping part, as to determine that.

I've never been good with numbers. I am terrible, actually. I am alright with multiplication and adding/subtracting in small equal numbers, no decimals, but I am no expert when it comes to trying to get everything evened up. Percents, even tax, I suck at it. So when I look in the grocery store, and make a schedule, a plan, in my head, about what to eat and which day, and that I plan to eat how much etc. etc. I find it rivetting that a person can consume more in the afternoon-time of the day, as opposed to breaky-poo (as is my case).

Maybe it is just a continuation of my study of nature of people, the way they speak live and are, etc. I love to know the little things, little habits, behaviours, that determine a life. I want to dig deep into personality, to really uncover the truth and questions of everything that is a person. I want to know.

So if it is groceries that I am studying, the manner of physical shopping itself, purchasing, organising and putting away, or the actual act of eating, I am fascinated that people are different, that not everyone does any of things in the same way as me or you or anyone else. I love this fact, that people are unique in their ways, set in their habits, and love the way they act upon them.

Weird thoughts of the day.

Jess :]

I'M BACK

[two hundred, nineteen]

Oh boy, do I feel mighty guilty for not writing for over a week. Given, I didn't have internet to withstand this massive blog entry of eight, but not I can catch up all today, and then I will not have to catch up that much ever again!

I have finished work, which I'll miss but it's nice to be on vacation and taking time to just relax and do nothing. Today is literally a do nothing day. I am going to sift around the internet, make a beautiful grilled cheese and ham samwich for supper and watch tlc all night. You know why? Because cable is now isntalled in my living room!

I am in the new house! I am alone, and it is really interesting to be alone because my thoughts are so diverse and strange when given a weird open white empty room to run around in. I am thirsty, throat is dry, but I drink only water as everything else is in the fridge. Logic, at its best.

So that is all for now, I do have to catch up with eight of these, so I might as well begin with the fact that I missed you, blog baby, and I'm back.

Love,

Jess :]

I wish the world lived in the ears

[two hundred, eighteen]

I am in the middle of studying for my music exam on saturday, and I am beginning to just rely on my gut instinct since most of it is music common sense, that I feel like I have. I spent the day at work, doing office-work related things, and then I moved a whole bunch of things into the house, and to be honest, I wish I didn't have so many things.

I hate it.

I don't hate the fact that I seem materialistic because I have so many things, because really, a lot of it is for my vision, or a bed, or essentials. It's just that there is so many things that I could probably do without... I have a personal goal that is beginning right now: Throw out/give away a lot in the next two weeks. Clothes, shoes, etc. I can do this I know I can! I just have to have a steady hand when it comes to letting go of things.

My name is Jessica and I am a packrat.

I just have so many memories in all kinds of different things, clothing, flowers, magazines, it's insane the type of things I have laying around. I believe I have a sticker from my first dentist visit when I was three, and it is a scratch and sniff, and it has never been moved out of its sticker book. I am not really proud of this habit, it may be the whole emotional sensitive imaginative memories issue that goes along with me being compassionate, things that I don't think are necessarilly terrible traits, to say the least, may even be desireable.

I just think it's the fact that I have detachment anxiety from any of these things. I can't throw anything out or give anything away. I may use that half used notebook someday, I may wear the six year old snow white shirt from eightth grade, it is just a hard thing to do for me, a lot of things mean a lot to me.

I suppose that goes with people too, I really care about the people I am friends with, and music. I link things together, I link memories with people and sensory scents and sounds. I cry a lot about the past because I loved so many things and people that are no longer here, but it is all about paying respect. My grandfather once reminded me of 'don't cry for me argentina,' while mourning for a recently past loved one, which basically told me that they wouldn't want me to be sad.

That's how I'm gonig to be when I am gone. Or what I want to happen, rather. I want to be remembered in these happy, strong days. I want people to have champagne and smile at my wake and funeral, not cry and listen to sad music. I won't demand a certain oasis song 'live forever' as a best friend of mine has, but I will not request people to spend the day being sad. No siree.

Now onto a little less depressing note, I am almost done my busy as hell summer, as of Saturday at around five or five thirty, I will be done my class and my work, and I will be ready to DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY. I intend to. Also, expect about a week's lapse in blogs starting friday, as I won't have internet from then until possibly next thursday. The blogs will, however, become interesting again. This is all means to rejoice.

Take a lot evening for me, cheers,

Jess :]

hopes and life long values, man

[two hundred, seventeen]

what's the deal with people, eh? I mean, let's be honest, we all aren't perfect, but some people could atleast try to be pleasant people. I don't think that emplowyers, lovers, friends, family, stranger, people passing by, the hobo on the train, or any other person that would ever come in contact with anyone would enjoy someone who is blatantly rude, unless however they were raised that way.

To each their own? Just learn the social norms. We all gotta, it's unfortunate and disappointing, but it sure is life.

I think I should start actually writing again, like dig the well into my imagination and finally release the trickle of characters and plots that are buried. I wish that more things could happen in the next four days then just studying and packing, but it is how it must be and therefor eI will do it. I will keep my shovel on the sehlf though, the immediate back burner. Honestly, the first thing I'm going to do when done work and classes on Saturday will probably be take a drink, dance, then sit down and get my thoughts straight. I will be in the new house, and therefore things will be...well, they'll be there, not necessarilly organised.

My favourite Beatles album is Sgt. Pepper's, but for the love of pete do I love their cover songs from the beginning! Have you ever heard "You've really got a hold on me" ? It is truly fantastic, I love it, listen to She & Him's cover as well, she's just got the pipes, man, man oh man, do I love altos.

I also love me some basses, but that's the choir me jumpin' up and down there.

I packed my vogue's today, and I realised that I am crazing, absolutely dying, for a European vogue, so I may look into either subscribing online on twitter or on a blog (ie tumblr, etc.) or to actually order on in from Italy or Russia, London. Can you imagine, Burberry, Givenchy, Wang couture in the flesh and blood pages! I have an obsession, it's all I want to do.

So anyways, I should go and actually pay attention to my music studying, because well it's sitting there talking to me and I'm kinda just smiling at it and nodding, yes, yes I hear you, as I look thorugh facebook pictures, bell Canada internet packages, conversations, emails, really anything to distract me. See, there it goes, assuming I'm listening.

Take care,

Jess :]

"the man who passed up the beatles"

[two hundred, sixteen[

Oh broad love, oh wide adoree,
I see the hills across the land they were calling out to me
to dance along as if Maria
and release everything, everything to the exterior paradise
of therefore, beyond, to be the one and only in a vast,
slow nothing-ness, slow central silence with fierce belonging,
finest humble, but a total stride, a strength in length,
and it was wide.

What are you world, lonely, among your noisy head?
Amidst your busy streets and your stone cold bed,
through the taverns loudly curdling the masses,
between the underways the slow ways and the shops,
the corporation capitalist beginners showing me nothing,
but i suppose you see, since you hug it softly,
hug it securely,
because if it left you would be gone.

Integration of the bindings of the yards in the villages,
it spins and invisible webs bind it
to the ground and the gravity connecting down and deep,
the world doesn't rest and the people are asleep,
the silent sleeping people recieve a soft strong hug
of the world realising worth and jewels are not enough
for wealth beauty power unless it recieves
that one important flower
blooming strong and fiercly.

Oh the booming brown and white and red and white and yellow,
the colours all around the world ignite together,
and the chapters and the chaples and the chaplin's red noses,
kick and scream and fight against the bright thorny
roses.

focus: calamity.

finally, I can speak.

Jess :]