[one]
Hello, and welcome to the new and improved me. As I type, I read my words in a British accent, be warned, I'm sort of a freak now.
Here it is, I've decided, if you really want to actually look into my insanity, as here I sort of glazed over it (if you can believe it):
www.probablydrytoast.blogspot.com
And well, I am planning on posting a bit of my insane long writing rage from the summer, or atleast going over it a bit to workshop it. I feel like I uncovered a lot from this blog, but this is the last post.
Love always,
Jess
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Sunday, December 25, 2011
the end
[three hundred, sixty-five]
And they all lived happily ever after.
I'm going to live happily, that's for sure. I am a better person because of this project, because I stuck with it for the entire year, and because I opened my head and heart to these web pages. I like the way it feels to write something confusing and unique, something for me. I am individuality within my own head, so everyone can shove it if they don't like it. I'm not looking for compliments, I'm just looking for peace of mind.
If there was something lasting that I would like to leave this blog with, it is to put yourself out there. I said a lot of things in the past year here, I went through massive changes in my left, peoplke have gone and come, and will stay, and I intend on continuing to write intimate things elsewhere. I may post in the new year what my new blog is, but I may not. It was fun, amazing, enlightening, but it was a resolution. I will read over these and be proud of myself, because I did this for me.
No one else.
So thank you for reading (if you have) and thanks to this website that's been beaten and lyric-ed on, cried over and gushed on. Everything I've said here is honest and true, and full of love and passion and anything else I could muster. Thank you for the peace that has come here, and I wish you the best with your future. Don't ever forget that you're worth it, and I love you, and there are amazing things in your future. Don't forget that you are special, and to smile.
Always, always smile.
I like your face,
Jess :]
And they all lived happily ever after.
I'm going to live happily, that's for sure. I am a better person because of this project, because I stuck with it for the entire year, and because I opened my head and heart to these web pages. I like the way it feels to write something confusing and unique, something for me. I am individuality within my own head, so everyone can shove it if they don't like it. I'm not looking for compliments, I'm just looking for peace of mind.
If there was something lasting that I would like to leave this blog with, it is to put yourself out there. I said a lot of things in the past year here, I went through massive changes in my left, peoplke have gone and come, and will stay, and I intend on continuing to write intimate things elsewhere. I may post in the new year what my new blog is, but I may not. It was fun, amazing, enlightening, but it was a resolution. I will read over these and be proud of myself, because I did this for me.
No one else.
So thank you for reading (if you have) and thanks to this website that's been beaten and lyric-ed on, cried over and gushed on. Everything I've said here is honest and true, and full of love and passion and anything else I could muster. Thank you for the peace that has come here, and I wish you the best with your future. Don't ever forget that you're worth it, and I love you, and there are amazing things in your future. Don't forget that you are special, and to smile.
Always, always smile.
I like your face,
Jess :]
writing my titles before i start writing the blog was a good idea?
[three hundred, sixty-four]
Today is Christmas day. It was a very good day, despite the lack of sleep and disruptions last night. I've watched more movies with my family in the past two days than I have all year, and good happy meals, and conversations and laughs, which is impressive and surprising. Today was a good day, and we leave for Costa Rica in seven hours. I just want to relax and not worry about anything until the new year, and that is the plan.
I love Christmas because it brings together all kinds of emotions and moments that should happen year-round, but are confined to christmas. Family time, good meals, gifts, good music, dancing, laughter, every one of these things are important in my life. Christmas is important to me because I feel like smiling all day everyday. I don't need to be talked to or paid attention to, just a lovely little atmosphere to spend my time in.
When I grow up I am going to be the cheeriest Christmasteer of all, and just decorate, sing, and love my way through the holidays.
I hate that body image is a huge thing too, by the way. I eat healthy, but I treat myself. I'm not a sixe two, but I don't hate the way I look. Why don't more peopoe like the way I look?
I'm almost done.
love,
Jess :]
Today is Christmas day. It was a very good day, despite the lack of sleep and disruptions last night. I've watched more movies with my family in the past two days than I have all year, and good happy meals, and conversations and laughs, which is impressive and surprising. Today was a good day, and we leave for Costa Rica in seven hours. I just want to relax and not worry about anything until the new year, and that is the plan.
I love Christmas because it brings together all kinds of emotions and moments that should happen year-round, but are confined to christmas. Family time, good meals, gifts, good music, dancing, laughter, every one of these things are important in my life. Christmas is important to me because I feel like smiling all day everyday. I don't need to be talked to or paid attention to, just a lovely little atmosphere to spend my time in.
When I grow up I am going to be the cheeriest Christmasteer of all, and just decorate, sing, and love my way through the holidays.
I hate that body image is a huge thing too, by the way. I eat healthy, but I treat myself. I'm not a sixe two, but I don't hate the way I look. Why don't more peopoe like the way I look?
I'm almost done.
love,
Jess :]
Saturday, December 24, 2011
almost done my blog
[three hundred, SIXTY-THREE]
Restless and unsettled, no home, but comfortable and happy. I didn't fail my coursss, I actually did better than I wanted to somehow. I have amazing friends, a great family, a wonderful boyfriend, two houses, five homes, teddy bears and a big nice bed to sleep in. I have a beautiful trip tomorrow to Costa Rica to get tanned and relax and swim, and I just feel like regardless of the hard darkness that plagues me, I still need aviators to block out the light.
Because I'm badass.
I can't wait for the new batman movie, it's actually insane. Also, have you ever heard 'almost hear your sigh' by the rolling stones? Have I mentioned it before? It's my favourite. It is Christmas tomorrow morning and I don't think I will be able to sleep. I turn twenty in A MONTH from today and I am going to be old, but I am going to be happy.
When I grow up? I want to be happy.
So far relatively good, so I'm good with that. I think twenty will be a big deal, but at the same time I'm going to be embarking on a huge adventure. When I grow up I want to be an adventurer. I think I text too much, my new year's resolution is to rely less on my phone. I don't know how well that will be accomplished, but I am going to try!
Wow, I think Santa's about to arrive, I NEED TO SLEEP NOW OR HE WON'T BRING MY PRESNTS AND I WILL RUIN CHRISTMAS. I should write a christmas play and become famous like the guy who wrote the nutcracker, except more famous than him...since I don't know his name Lhehe. Wow, seriously, sleeping.
I am happy I only have two more blogs to write for this blog, and I am so proud of myself.
LOVE, ALWAYS,
JESS ]
Restless and unsettled, no home, but comfortable and happy. I didn't fail my coursss, I actually did better than I wanted to somehow. I have amazing friends, a great family, a wonderful boyfriend, two houses, five homes, teddy bears and a big nice bed to sleep in. I have a beautiful trip tomorrow to Costa Rica to get tanned and relax and swim, and I just feel like regardless of the hard darkness that plagues me, I still need aviators to block out the light.
Because I'm badass.
I can't wait for the new batman movie, it's actually insane. Also, have you ever heard 'almost hear your sigh' by the rolling stones? Have I mentioned it before? It's my favourite. It is Christmas tomorrow morning and I don't think I will be able to sleep. I turn twenty in A MONTH from today and I am going to be old, but I am going to be happy.
When I grow up? I want to be happy.
So far relatively good, so I'm good with that. I think twenty will be a big deal, but at the same time I'm going to be embarking on a huge adventure. When I grow up I want to be an adventurer. I think I text too much, my new year's resolution is to rely less on my phone. I don't know how well that will be accomplished, but I am going to try!
Wow, I think Santa's about to arrive, I NEED TO SLEEP NOW OR HE WON'T BRING MY PRESNTS AND I WILL RUIN CHRISTMAS. I should write a christmas play and become famous like the guy who wrote the nutcracker, except more famous than him...since I don't know his name Lhehe. Wow, seriously, sleeping.
I am happy I only have two more blogs to write for this blog, and I am so proud of myself.
LOVE, ALWAYS,
JESS ]
love and joy
[three hundred, sixty-two]
lock me in your arms and let your heart
beat me to sleep,
my drowsiness clings to your breaths,
my arms cling to your dreams in fear of
being left alone in
fairytales that begin with something other
than once upon a time,
'cause you and i babe,
we begin with inbetween,
no prince, no princess, no interuptions,
only adventure clink adventure linked together
comfortably.
focus: him.
I love you.
always,
Jess :]
lock me in your arms and let your heart
beat me to sleep,
my drowsiness clings to your breaths,
my arms cling to your dreams in fear of
being left alone in
fairytales that begin with something other
than once upon a time,
'cause you and i babe,
we begin with inbetween,
no prince, no princess, no interuptions,
only adventure clink adventure linked together
comfortably.
focus: him.
I love you.
always,
Jess :]
my boyfriend bought me socks for christmas
and they're actually amazing.
pthree hundred, sixty-one]
Sleigh bells are ringing, I can actually hear them, he's real it is true, he's here to bring presents for me and for you and if you tell me otherwise then it will only be true for me and not you!
I'd love to tell you that the darkness goes away. I think that for me, over my emotional rollercoaster over the past seven years through adolescence, boyfriends, highschool, surgeries, family, everything has just added up to a marble slab of a life that I am actually proud of. I do not regret anything since I learned from it and I have become the person I am because of it, but it has not all been roses, I haven't been strong forever, and I still have times where I'd rather just stay in the black.
But there is light. Come on, it's me, I can hardly swe, there are worse things and I know that nobody cares to hear that but your life does not suck, but it's funny because I knoew that the dark doesn't just come to the blind or the weak, it comes to strong, loving caring beautiful people who do not deserve it. It is hard to dig yourself out of the dark, and even though tunnel vision allows little light to come through it is still there, and it is bright, but the dark...comes back.
I know.
You need to find something, anything, someone, a hobby, love, anything, that will encourage you to embrace the light for the majority of the time. It is hard, and I still don't have a stable helper that gets me through, but I have little things. I wathc movies, the same ones, over and over and it helps so much. I blast music and sleep it off. I do massive amounts of yoga and meditating. I snuggle with good people. I call my mom and talk about the weather, and tons more that if one thing doesn't do it for me I move on to the next on my list, but even those don't work all the time.
So sit with the feeling. How terrible is that? Almost as bad as 'just jump off the cliff,' but I stand by this advice. Sit in your darkness, have a good long chat with it, understand it, and grow to dislike it, motivate yourself out of the cave, mobilize your shovel and start to get yourself out. If you need people, find them, they have shovels. My Reindeedr Club of Fabulous have glue guns for me, but I have a utility belt of shovels and lazer beams scotch tape bandaids positivity seeds anything anyone else needs.
I'm all ears, and love.
So don't be afraid to take a risk, but never think that the end of your life is before the actual end. what a easte.
love,
Jess :]
pthree hundred, sixty-one]
Sleigh bells are ringing, I can actually hear them, he's real it is true, he's here to bring presents for me and for you and if you tell me otherwise then it will only be true for me and not you!
I'd love to tell you that the darkness goes away. I think that for me, over my emotional rollercoaster over the past seven years through adolescence, boyfriends, highschool, surgeries, family, everything has just added up to a marble slab of a life that I am actually proud of. I do not regret anything since I learned from it and I have become the person I am because of it, but it has not all been roses, I haven't been strong forever, and I still have times where I'd rather just stay in the black.
But there is light. Come on, it's me, I can hardly swe, there are worse things and I know that nobody cares to hear that but your life does not suck, but it's funny because I knoew that the dark doesn't just come to the blind or the weak, it comes to strong, loving caring beautiful people who do not deserve it. It is hard to dig yourself out of the dark, and even though tunnel vision allows little light to come through it is still there, and it is bright, but the dark...comes back.
I know.
You need to find something, anything, someone, a hobby, love, anything, that will encourage you to embrace the light for the majority of the time. It is hard, and I still don't have a stable helper that gets me through, but I have little things. I wathc movies, the same ones, over and over and it helps so much. I blast music and sleep it off. I do massive amounts of yoga and meditating. I snuggle with good people. I call my mom and talk about the weather, and tons more that if one thing doesn't do it for me I move on to the next on my list, but even those don't work all the time.
So sit with the feeling. How terrible is that? Almost as bad as 'just jump off the cliff,' but I stand by this advice. Sit in your darkness, have a good long chat with it, understand it, and grow to dislike it, motivate yourself out of the cave, mobilize your shovel and start to get yourself out. If you need people, find them, they have shovels. My Reindeedr Club of Fabulous have glue guns for me, but I have a utility belt of shovels and lazer beams scotch tape bandaids positivity seeds anything anyone else needs.
I'm all ears, and love.
So don't be afraid to take a risk, but never think that the end of your life is before the actual end. what a easte.
love,
Jess :]
FIVE GOLDEN RINGS
[three hundred, sixty]
To Mac or to stay Pc? That is the question.
I have been a pc since..well, since computers were available, since I was tall enough to sit in the computer chair in like 1998 and type letters, but lately I've been feeling a change coming. It's the slowness, the breakdowns, the over heating, the everything. I want something sleeek, shiny, new.
But I hardly know anything about computers, and I do love my computer right now, it has character and is mine and it has been for nearly two years now, but it's not a Mac. I feel silly saying these things, but I think I'm ready. Just something smaller, compact, something that.. Well, I don't know, it seems cool. I'll have to try it out of course, but it sure would be interesting!
That's my debate lately, that's what is ruffling my feathers and is on my mind. I'd love to just go to the apple store and sit in there for an hour and play with one, see if it would fit for me, but I do not have the time. Maybe after the trip, that would be a fun afternoon! Any takers?
My life is so boring.
Jess :]
To Mac or to stay Pc? That is the question.
I have been a pc since..well, since computers were available, since I was tall enough to sit in the computer chair in like 1998 and type letters, but lately I've been feeling a change coming. It's the slowness, the breakdowns, the over heating, the everything. I want something sleeek, shiny, new.
But I hardly know anything about computers, and I do love my computer right now, it has character and is mine and it has been for nearly two years now, but it's not a Mac. I feel silly saying these things, but I think I'm ready. Just something smaller, compact, something that.. Well, I don't know, it seems cool. I'll have to try it out of course, but it sure would be interesting!
That's my debate lately, that's what is ruffling my feathers and is on my mind. I'd love to just go to the apple store and sit in there for an hour and play with one, see if it would fit for me, but I do not have the time. Maybe after the trip, that would be a fun afternoon! Any takers?
My life is so boring.
Jess :]
i think i can
[three hundred, fifty-nine]
I've never been so proud of Christopher Plumber than in The Sound of Music when he doesn't go off and become a nazi. It is lovely to rewatch this movie that I have seriously loved for over ten years and actually understand what is going on. It's a beautiful movie, the songs are absolutely incredible and I feel so good watching it. the best part? My dad does too.
That's something my dad and I share around christmas time, the movied, spirit, music, the Christmas mood. We both love to just immerse ourselves, and he is the jolliest man in my life around this time. Cooking the turkey this afternoon he had christmas carols and the football game on, and we had some rum and eggnog, and laughed because we do this glass of eggnog thing every year, but this year was the first time with rum.
I think in my house today there has been more love and smiles and caring than there has been in a long time. I was worried about today and tonight, and it turned out really good. this is a weird holiday for us with the big trip tomorrow night, but it has been a good holiday so far for our family, and that makes me smile. We needed this.
So I hope everyone else is having a lovely Christmas eve, fortunately I suppose I have to write about six more blogs after this either tonight or tomorrow. I'm thinking I can write one more tonight, and five tomorrow. What I am going to write about is a mystery to me at the moment as I've been having trouble writing more than one in one day for a long time, not to mention five. So hopefully that goes well, I'll try my best! I must finish it!
Take care, and Merry Christmas,
love,
Jess :]
I've never been so proud of Christopher Plumber than in The Sound of Music when he doesn't go off and become a nazi. It is lovely to rewatch this movie that I have seriously loved for over ten years and actually understand what is going on. It's a beautiful movie, the songs are absolutely incredible and I feel so good watching it. the best part? My dad does too.
That's something my dad and I share around christmas time, the movied, spirit, music, the Christmas mood. We both love to just immerse ourselves, and he is the jolliest man in my life around this time. Cooking the turkey this afternoon he had christmas carols and the football game on, and we had some rum and eggnog, and laughed because we do this glass of eggnog thing every year, but this year was the first time with rum.
I think in my house today there has been more love and smiles and caring than there has been in a long time. I was worried about today and tonight, and it turned out really good. this is a weird holiday for us with the big trip tomorrow night, but it has been a good holiday so far for our family, and that makes me smile. We needed this.
So I hope everyone else is having a lovely Christmas eve, fortunately I suppose I have to write about six more blogs after this either tonight or tomorrow. I'm thinking I can write one more tonight, and five tomorrow. What I am going to write about is a mystery to me at the moment as I've been having trouble writing more than one in one day for a long time, not to mention five. So hopefully that goes well, I'll try my best! I must finish it!
Take care, and Merry Christmas,
love,
Jess :]
Friday, December 23, 2011
ode to forever
[three hundred, fifty-eight]
Pay attention, smile lots, drink in moderation, dance, take risks, don't forget to laugh at the jokes, take breaks and watch tv, take breaks and watch movies, take breaks and drink lattes, take breaks to be with friends, write, write poetry in notebooks, love everybody always, drink tea, run in the apartment, giggle.
Get scared, cry sometimes, talk about emotions, talk about boys, talk about love, let yourself be disappointed, get angry, get frustrated with the world, be upset, be negative sometimes but always finish positive, tweet, support your friends, make friends, don't be afraid to let go, believe in something anything at all, jump on beds, fall, get back up, sing loudly and out of tune, cry...from laughing.
Check the time, check the weather, say hello to strangers, make forts, be silly, be weird, be funny, it's okay to not be okay sometimes, let people care about you, take care of you, and support you. Care about people devotedly. Treat yourself, smile often.
Rules I live by (or try to) that I think are important. I have so many more blogs to write that I think I'm going to be done for a while so I can go and enjoy a Christmas film with my brother, so have a lovely evening, chat tomorrow.
love,
Jess :]
Pay attention, smile lots, drink in moderation, dance, take risks, don't forget to laugh at the jokes, take breaks and watch tv, take breaks and watch movies, take breaks and drink lattes, take breaks to be with friends, write, write poetry in notebooks, love everybody always, drink tea, run in the apartment, giggle.
Get scared, cry sometimes, talk about emotions, talk about boys, talk about love, let yourself be disappointed, get angry, get frustrated with the world, be upset, be negative sometimes but always finish positive, tweet, support your friends, make friends, don't be afraid to let go, believe in something anything at all, jump on beds, fall, get back up, sing loudly and out of tune, cry...from laughing.
Check the time, check the weather, say hello to strangers, make forts, be silly, be weird, be funny, it's okay to not be okay sometimes, let people care about you, take care of you, and support you. Care about people devotedly. Treat yourself, smile often.
Rules I live by (or try to) that I think are important. I have so many more blogs to write that I think I'm going to be done for a while so I can go and enjoy a Christmas film with my brother, so have a lovely evening, chat tomorrow.
love,
Jess :]
drained to the brim
[three hundred, fifty-seven[
out of everyone I see I see yours,
and your smile like bright flashing radiance,
glowing girl, take it in and hold it,
it is yours to keep,
and the people who blame,
or confuse or hail and strike,
they don't got nothin' on that blooming bright
smile of yours, to me you
are golden,
to me your stars are tight knit and kept solid,
stable, and I know,
that although your pin stands alone,
I hold a box full of other pins,
dull pins,
waiting for you to shed the light,
so carry on, don't lose a grip or slip,
because I know and we know that you know,
that there is more sight in all this gray
than anything they
can see.
focus: astract for jude
cause she's worth it, as is everyone, take a minute and appreciate the ones who are important to you and realise you are important to them.
love always,
JEss :[
out of everyone I see I see yours,
and your smile like bright flashing radiance,
glowing girl, take it in and hold it,
it is yours to keep,
and the people who blame,
or confuse or hail and strike,
they don't got nothin' on that blooming bright
smile of yours, to me you
are golden,
to me your stars are tight knit and kept solid,
stable, and I know,
that although your pin stands alone,
I hold a box full of other pins,
dull pins,
waiting for you to shed the light,
so carry on, don't lose a grip or slip,
because I know and we know that you know,
that there is more sight in all this gray
than anything they
can see.
focus: astract for jude
cause she's worth it, as is everyone, take a minute and appreciate the ones who are important to you and realise you are important to them.
love always,
JEss :[
trust me
[three hundred, fifty-six]
On this Harry Potter website that I have been signed up on since 2006, HPANA, there is an area for this, this is my latest one.
Dear JK Rowling,
If you ever read this, and I have faith that you may, I would just like to thank you. there are so many other peopole on here thanking you, and thanking you, and telling you how incredible you are as a person, author, mother, and overall bearer or fiction. I would like to thank you for creating a world in which I could outlet my own life, could create new people new imaginings, could be inspired to write my detailed writings as I tend to do, and allowing me to believe in something, someone, and a life that is worth living in. You provided me with best friends when I had none, you gave me passion when I was lost in confusion, you brightened my adolescence, teenage years, and future so that not only could I see, but I could be.
If anything, I would like to tell you that this entire franchise, these books, helped shape the person I am today, and will continue to do so until...well there is no until. I cannot thank you enough for the things you have done for me, and my friends, and my virtual friends and my characters, my self esteem, my third grade self wandering the playground alone and ending up sitting under teh trees reading Chamber of Secrets wondering if there were dungeons under my school, and starting to write. You gave me my pen, and I won't let you down.
I'm going to fly with it.
So thank you, and please do not stop writing. For me, and for everyone else who needs it. But please stop writing about Harry, he's done now.
love always,
Jessica D. W. {Richards, Gryffindor/Slytherin, birch, fawn mane 10 inches)
On this Harry Potter website that I have been signed up on since 2006, HPANA, there is an area for this, this is my latest one.
Dear JK Rowling,
If you ever read this, and I have faith that you may, I would just like to thank you. there are so many other peopole on here thanking you, and thanking you, and telling you how incredible you are as a person, author, mother, and overall bearer or fiction. I would like to thank you for creating a world in which I could outlet my own life, could create new people new imaginings, could be inspired to write my detailed writings as I tend to do, and allowing me to believe in something, someone, and a life that is worth living in. You provided me with best friends when I had none, you gave me passion when I was lost in confusion, you brightened my adolescence, teenage years, and future so that not only could I see, but I could be.
If anything, I would like to tell you that this entire franchise, these books, helped shape the person I am today, and will continue to do so until...well there is no until. I cannot thank you enough for the things you have done for me, and my friends, and my virtual friends and my characters, my self esteem, my third grade self wandering the playground alone and ending up sitting under teh trees reading Chamber of Secrets wondering if there were dungeons under my school, and starting to write. You gave me my pen, and I won't let you down.
I'm going to fly with it.
So thank you, and please do not stop writing. For me, and for everyone else who needs it. But please stop writing about Harry, he's done now.
love always,
Jessica D. W. {Richards, Gryffindor/Slytherin, birch, fawn mane 10 inches)
new
[three hundred, fifty-five]
A good friend of mine brought up something that no one will be surprised to hear that I'm going to look into, and that is humanism. I believe in a lot of things, but the most popular of my beliefs is people. What better way to relish in them more than focusing on a philosophy that doesn't seem like a fiction novel!
I'd like to look more into this humanism thing because I feel like there needs to be something good somewhere. People have to donate to some charities, some people have to go on mission trips, people have to love, love love love is all we need. Why can't everybody just love everybody?
Why can't the other Governments loan Africa some money? I asked this question in my own naivete a while ago, a long while ago, and obviously now I realise it is not so easy, but I want to believe that there aren't just terrible people out there who are powerhungry, not that I'm endorsing any Freudian bs but there has to be some reason, some fix. People are not unfixable, I don't give up on anybody and that is a pedge because I just know that there is some good in everyone, you have to atleast try.
So maybe not by the end of this blog, but on my new blog I will be sure to expand more on my policy of love, and my strong belief in the natures of people, and their goodness, and that everyone has the capability to smile. So smile today, and take a second to give a little lovin', it is well deserved.
love,
Jess :]
A good friend of mine brought up something that no one will be surprised to hear that I'm going to look into, and that is humanism. I believe in a lot of things, but the most popular of my beliefs is people. What better way to relish in them more than focusing on a philosophy that doesn't seem like a fiction novel!
I'd like to look more into this humanism thing because I feel like there needs to be something good somewhere. People have to donate to some charities, some people have to go on mission trips, people have to love, love love love is all we need. Why can't everybody just love everybody?
Why can't the other Governments loan Africa some money? I asked this question in my own naivete a while ago, a long while ago, and obviously now I realise it is not so easy, but I want to believe that there aren't just terrible people out there who are powerhungry, not that I'm endorsing any Freudian bs but there has to be some reason, some fix. People are not unfixable, I don't give up on anybody and that is a pedge because I just know that there is some good in everyone, you have to atleast try.
So maybe not by the end of this blog, but on my new blog I will be sure to expand more on my policy of love, and my strong belief in the natures of people, and their goodness, and that everyone has the capability to smile. So smile today, and take a second to give a little lovin', it is well deserved.
love,
Jess :]
toying
[three hundred, fifty-four]
permeate good will
with joy and familiarity,
infinite peace surrounds you
in love
focus: a special mug for a special lady.
I am so incredibly behind on blogs it's insane, since I have to finish them before I leave on Sunday. It's Christmas eve tomorrow! So I've been having christmas visits with lots of people lately, and it has been rather exciting being in the spirit and revelling in the fact that it is in fact christmas, not just the lead up to it anymore. I love this time of year, because everyone is so in love. Any season that brings the goodness and heartwarming aspects of people is a good one! I am going to write maybe two more blogs and then I'm off to start packing!
LOVE
JESS :]
permeate good will
with joy and familiarity,
infinite peace surrounds you
in love
focus: a special mug for a special lady.
I am so incredibly behind on blogs it's insane, since I have to finish them before I leave on Sunday. It's Christmas eve tomorrow! So I've been having christmas visits with lots of people lately, and it has been rather exciting being in the spirit and revelling in the fact that it is in fact christmas, not just the lead up to it anymore. I love this time of year, because everyone is so in love. Any season that brings the goodness and heartwarming aspects of people is a good one! I am going to write maybe two more blogs and then I'm off to start packing!
LOVE
JESS :]
- - -
[three hundred, fifty-three]
I want a big girl bag, one that can hold all of my big girl things. The pocket mirror and matching lipstick don't fit into these teenage things, I think it's time for a big girl bag. My big girl bag should fit right in with my big girl bed and big girl shoes, it could have a place in my big girl room away from my old home. It could come with me on my big girl adventures, 'cause I'm ready for those now. My big girl bag is what would help me be a good big girl.
I'd really like a new bag, one of those nice ones that go over your shoulder and can hold things and aren't junky or old or anything, just classy. I want to be like Jackie O, just an ex-first lady aging stylishly. I want to age now, I'm sort of sick of being in this weird inbetween. I turn twenty in about a month, that should be an interesting transition. I will be a big girl. So, naturally, I need the damn bag.
It's becoming a security blanket for me, since I don't feel like I really have a place where I belog I've started placing merit on the things I bring with me. My teddy bear isabelle, my makeup carrying case, this snowflake that I bring everywhere and the charms on my keys. I have these two key chains that my grampa has given me for good luck that I bring to every surgery, every big thing that I'd need luck for, and it's comforting.
I'd like a big girl bag so that I could have something to put all of these things in and not look like a little girl anymore. Somethine to help me put myself together.
Jess :]
I want a big girl bag, one that can hold all of my big girl things. The pocket mirror and matching lipstick don't fit into these teenage things, I think it's time for a big girl bag. My big girl bag should fit right in with my big girl bed and big girl shoes, it could have a place in my big girl room away from my old home. It could come with me on my big girl adventures, 'cause I'm ready for those now. My big girl bag is what would help me be a good big girl.
I'd really like a new bag, one of those nice ones that go over your shoulder and can hold things and aren't junky or old or anything, just classy. I want to be like Jackie O, just an ex-first lady aging stylishly. I want to age now, I'm sort of sick of being in this weird inbetween. I turn twenty in about a month, that should be an interesting transition. I will be a big girl. So, naturally, I need the damn bag.
It's becoming a security blanket for me, since I don't feel like I really have a place where I belog I've started placing merit on the things I bring with me. My teddy bear isabelle, my makeup carrying case, this snowflake that I bring everywhere and the charms on my keys. I have these two key chains that my grampa has given me for good luck that I bring to every surgery, every big thing that I'd need luck for, and it's comforting.
I'd like a big girl bag so that I could have something to put all of these things in and not look like a little girl anymore. Somethine to help me put myself together.
Jess :]
repeat the sounding joy
[three hundred, fifty-two]
Around this time last year I wrote a blog named the same as this one, and I can't remember what I said in it but I know it was about the upcoming blog project. At the end of this year, I will have written 365 posts, and I will have accomplished a new year's resolution. This is a first for me, and I would like to continue doing these accomplishments. The wuestion remains, however, what will the next project be?
I am going to start another blog, and post occaisionally, once or twice a week or whenever I feel like it. That's a more casual commitment, but I will have to wait to makke it until I'm back from my trip so that should be exciting. This is the constructive writing that I like, working on things, look at my lovely grammar.
Anyways, this is the beginning of my end blogs since I'm going to be out of the country for the end of the month I'm writing them all beforehand. I can do this! Expect four more today!
take care,
Jess :]
Around this time last year I wrote a blog named the same as this one, and I can't remember what I said in it but I know it was about the upcoming blog project. At the end of this year, I will have written 365 posts, and I will have accomplished a new year's resolution. This is a first for me, and I would like to continue doing these accomplishments. The wuestion remains, however, what will the next project be?
I am going to start another blog, and post occaisionally, once or twice a week or whenever I feel like it. That's a more casual commitment, but I will have to wait to makke it until I'm back from my trip so that should be exciting. This is the constructive writing that I like, working on things, look at my lovely grammar.
Anyways, this is the beginning of my end blogs since I'm going to be out of the country for the end of the month I'm writing them all beforehand. I can do this! Expect four more today!
take care,
Jess :]
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
just about endings
[three hundred, fifty-one[
It has been a weekend and beginning of the week for Christmas, and the rest of the week follows suit. Despite being cold and mildly didappointed with the lack of snowy weather, it has been incredible. the nutcracker was good, ballet was nice old lady calling me 'babydoll' was even better. I've never been so happy and relaxed, just cosy and being read to by my incredible best friend. Whom I love, baby.
I'm listening to baby its cold outside, half dressed, figuring out what to wear as my nails clip loudly against the keys I am realising that this blog is actually ending. I never thought I'd get here, and once it's over I'm going to have to make some decisions about the follow up blogs going to be created. I hope everyone is doing well.
The other day at the Eaton centre we were leaving our table after the biggest lunch, smiling, going off to look for the big swarovski tree, and two ladies asked if we were leaving and ewre grateful to hear that we were. I know from experience that finding a table in the food court at the Eaton centre is impossible, which was why I sat alone for twenty minutes as the boy got lunch because we had snagged that table in fear of losing it. I smiled and said no worries to the ladies with their lunches and addded, "Merry Christmas."
This is the time of year that I can use that excuse for being so happy, but in reality I need something else to say cheerfully to people the rest of the year. Whyy does this time of year bring out the best and worst out of people? It is mind-boggling to think that scrooges exist. Everyone should just love, all the time.
Why am I so cheery sometimes? I think it's this bubble I surround my head in, the world isn't always great and not everything turns out peachy, but atleast some lovely people eist. I hope everyone has a nice night! It feels like a saturday to me and I don't know why. I think I'll write two posts tomorrow to catch up!
LOVE,
JESS :]
It has been a weekend and beginning of the week for Christmas, and the rest of the week follows suit. Despite being cold and mildly didappointed with the lack of snowy weather, it has been incredible. the nutcracker was good, ballet was nice old lady calling me 'babydoll' was even better. I've never been so happy and relaxed, just cosy and being read to by my incredible best friend. Whom I love, baby.
I'm listening to baby its cold outside, half dressed, figuring out what to wear as my nails clip loudly against the keys I am realising that this blog is actually ending. I never thought I'd get here, and once it's over I'm going to have to make some decisions about the follow up blogs going to be created. I hope everyone is doing well.
The other day at the Eaton centre we were leaving our table after the biggest lunch, smiling, going off to look for the big swarovski tree, and two ladies asked if we were leaving and ewre grateful to hear that we were. I know from experience that finding a table in the food court at the Eaton centre is impossible, which was why I sat alone for twenty minutes as the boy got lunch because we had snagged that table in fear of losing it. I smiled and said no worries to the ladies with their lunches and addded, "Merry Christmas."
This is the time of year that I can use that excuse for being so happy, but in reality I need something else to say cheerfully to people the rest of the year. Whyy does this time of year bring out the best and worst out of people? It is mind-boggling to think that scrooges exist. Everyone should just love, all the time.
Why am I so cheery sometimes? I think it's this bubble I surround my head in, the world isn't always great and not everything turns out peachy, but atleast some lovely people eist. I hope everyone has a nice night! It feels like a saturday to me and I don't know why. I think I'll write two posts tomorrow to catch up!
LOVE,
JESS :]
ordinary orbit
[three hundred, fifty]
we live in a q-tip world,
if any nation gets too far involved
it hurts too much,
and they pull out and gasp,
i had a dream the other night,
or maybe it wasn't a dream,
but,
it was sort of like empty heads,
empty bulbs that should shine bright,
and yet they sit in their series, lifeless,
what season is this?
high-definition nations with bright smiles,
and dull eyes, blind eyes,
a disease in disguise.
focus: i wrote this in the shower.
Jess :]
we live in a q-tip world,
if any nation gets too far involved
it hurts too much,
and they pull out and gasp,
i had a dream the other night,
or maybe it wasn't a dream,
but,
it was sort of like empty heads,
empty bulbs that should shine bright,
and yet they sit in their series, lifeless,
what season is this?
high-definition nations with bright smiles,
and dull eyes, blind eyes,
a disease in disguise.
focus: i wrote this in the shower.
Jess :]
Sunday, December 18, 2011
pre-existing song titles of yore
[three hundred, forty-nine]
I got fake nails today, they hurt like hell to type but they are so pretty. I want them to not hurt anymore. I've had the best day, of just neverending luahgter and goodness. I feel like I need to do some yoga to finish it all off, but I may put it off until the morning because I am so wiped and the next couple of days aren't going to help at all.
I knit an entire scarf tonight. Win.
Tomorrow is my first family christmas of the year and it is also the first time a boyfriend will ever be with my family at christmas. I want to go now, and share this with him, because this is important to me. I can't wait to see my family, and hug them and tell them I love them. I don't tell everyone that I love them enough, so that's something I am going to change this year.
My new New Year's Resolutions are to tell everyone whom I love that I love them more often, to do yoga on a regular basis, to write properly mnore often, and to be comfortable in my own skin. Not big orders, but the little things that I know I need. I hope everyone has resolutions as attainable and beneficial this year!
My nails hurt, I'm going to go watch a movie and sleep. This seems to be the latest thing I do, watch movies and sleep...like I always do. Just a different way less comfortable bed is the setting.
And I'm more tired, relaxed and happy.
love,
Jess \:]
I got fake nails today, they hurt like hell to type but they are so pretty. I want them to not hurt anymore. I've had the best day, of just neverending luahgter and goodness. I feel like I need to do some yoga to finish it all off, but I may put it off until the morning because I am so wiped and the next couple of days aren't going to help at all.
I knit an entire scarf tonight. Win.
Tomorrow is my first family christmas of the year and it is also the first time a boyfriend will ever be with my family at christmas. I want to go now, and share this with him, because this is important to me. I can't wait to see my family, and hug them and tell them I love them. I don't tell everyone that I love them enough, so that's something I am going to change this year.
My new New Year's Resolutions are to tell everyone whom I love that I love them more often, to do yoga on a regular basis, to write properly mnore often, and to be comfortable in my own skin. Not big orders, but the little things that I know I need. I hope everyone has resolutions as attainable and beneficial this year!
My nails hurt, I'm going to go watch a movie and sleep. This seems to be the latest thing I do, watch movies and sleep...like I always do. Just a different way less comfortable bed is the setting.
And I'm more tired, relaxed and happy.
love,
Jess \:]
Friday, December 16, 2011
waits for you
[three hundred, forty-eight]
If there is no snow for Christmas I will be thoroughly disappointed. Next Wednesday I am going to have an insane amount of blog writing to do, as I will be pre-writing for the end of the project and catching up since I will be away for a couple of days. What a silly time to end this thing, I am really going to miss it.
Picnics are such peculiar things. We spend our lives spending money on furniture to disregard it and eat outside on the grass. I think that the problem with our society is there is too much emphasis on the materials and not enough on the experience, but that's obvious observations.
What isn't obvious is the peculiarity that picnics are. If you see someone in the park in the pouring rain having a picnic, they're deemed weird. Understandable, it's wet and cold go inside you idiot. But what if they just like they're meals wet? Let the crackheads have their crack. Who is anyone to tell anyone else what to do with their life?
Mad.
The world is mad, and the world is beautiful, and the world is simple and long and circular and transparent. The world is blue, or turqoise I guess. the world is small. The world needs more love in it, a love-infuser, that's sort of cute. For Christmas I'm going to get the world a love-infuser, or well enrich the ones that I love with more love, and that'll be enough difference for me.
Take care,
Jess :]
If there is no snow for Christmas I will be thoroughly disappointed. Next Wednesday I am going to have an insane amount of blog writing to do, as I will be pre-writing for the end of the project and catching up since I will be away for a couple of days. What a silly time to end this thing, I am really going to miss it.
Picnics are such peculiar things. We spend our lives spending money on furniture to disregard it and eat outside on the grass. I think that the problem with our society is there is too much emphasis on the materials and not enough on the experience, but that's obvious observations.
What isn't obvious is the peculiarity that picnics are. If you see someone in the park in the pouring rain having a picnic, they're deemed weird. Understandable, it's wet and cold go inside you idiot. But what if they just like they're meals wet? Let the crackheads have their crack. Who is anyone to tell anyone else what to do with their life?
Mad.
The world is mad, and the world is beautiful, and the world is simple and long and circular and transparent. The world is blue, or turqoise I guess. the world is small. The world needs more love in it, a love-infuser, that's sort of cute. For Christmas I'm going to get the world a love-infuser, or well enrich the ones that I love with more love, and that'll be enough difference for me.
Take care,
Jess :]
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
alright now i'm back
[three hundred, forty-seven]
I arrived home today, carried and piled all of my things in my room, went out for lunch with my parents, went shopping with my mom, hung out with my siblings, watched my brother skate, wrapped christmas presents with my sister, partially cleaned my room, found a blanket and now I'm in bed. It's been a relatively busy moving in/out day for the holidays. I love being home.
It's raining, which isn't snowing, which is irritating. I think I've taken snow for granted over the past nineteen years, and I miss it. Christmas isn't christmas without snow.
I seriously almost fell asleep on my computer, I'm typing this from bed so I took a little break from the awkward position and almost fell asleep. I don't think I ate enough today to compensate for all of the running around I did, I'll have to be better for the next couple of days because it's going to be insanely busy.
Bit that's the holidays. People don't take the time for a cup of tea or a breather and just keep going, while on their way to running out of steam. If anything this is the time to destress, but it always seems the most stressful. Why take for granted this beautiful, joyous time of the year? Taking things for granted is overrated, I'd rather enjoy life.
So take a second this season to just breathe, and smile, and witness the love that happens this time of year. It's everywhere.. City sidewalks, busy sidewalks... I am so excited for the next two weeks it's incredible. why is excitement so profound to me? It's that one emotion that makes my heart skip a beat, skip two, and then finally I can fit perfectly into the puzzle that everyone fits into, the buzz, the sanity, the clicking that everyone feels when they feel like they understand their purpose to be here. I've given so many hugs today it's ridiculous.
I wish I still had the capability to write things that made me feel good about writing, maybe tomorrow
love,
Jses :]
I arrived home today, carried and piled all of my things in my room, went out for lunch with my parents, went shopping with my mom, hung out with my siblings, watched my brother skate, wrapped christmas presents with my sister, partially cleaned my room, found a blanket and now I'm in bed. It's been a relatively busy moving in/out day for the holidays. I love being home.
It's raining, which isn't snowing, which is irritating. I think I've taken snow for granted over the past nineteen years, and I miss it. Christmas isn't christmas without snow.
I seriously almost fell asleep on my computer, I'm typing this from bed so I took a little break from the awkward position and almost fell asleep. I don't think I ate enough today to compensate for all of the running around I did, I'll have to be better for the next couple of days because it's going to be insanely busy.
Bit that's the holidays. People don't take the time for a cup of tea or a breather and just keep going, while on their way to running out of steam. If anything this is the time to destress, but it always seems the most stressful. Why take for granted this beautiful, joyous time of the year? Taking things for granted is overrated, I'd rather enjoy life.
So take a second this season to just breathe, and smile, and witness the love that happens this time of year. It's everywhere.. City sidewalks, busy sidewalks... I am so excited for the next two weeks it's incredible. why is excitement so profound to me? It's that one emotion that makes my heart skip a beat, skip two, and then finally I can fit perfectly into the puzzle that everyone fits into, the buzz, the sanity, the clicking that everyone feels when they feel like they understand their purpose to be here. I've given so many hugs today it's ridiculous.
I wish I still had the capability to write things that made me feel good about writing, maybe tomorrow
love,
Jses :]
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